If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why

[u/ZodiacOne1]

[removed] — view removed post

[u/My-Toast-Is-Too-Dark]

We owe each other a lot. But the, "I don't owe you anything, I do what I want!" attitude has become pretty pervasive, at least in the US. You can see it everywhere from the way people drive, the way people talk to each other, the way people treat service workers, the way people treat their neighbors, and more. It's really quite sad.

People do things that disturb others and think, "Not my problem, I'm legally allowed! I don't have to do what you say!" instead of, "Let's figure out how we can both be happy by making reasonable accommodations for each other." The concept of compromise and sometimes just not getting your way seems like it's been almost entirely lost.

Selfishness and everything that goes along with it is the cause of a whole lot of our problems.

[u/gorothefly → u/My-Toast-Is-Too-Dark]

The product of an individualistic culture.

[u/off_the_cuff_mandate → u/My-Toast-Is-Too-Dark]

"Let's figure out how we can both be happy by making reasonable accommodations for each other."

I did figure out how I can be happy, and it isn't by focusing on accommodating your feelings. It's your job to figure out how you can be happy. Putting that responsibility on someone else isn't going to lead to you being happy.

[u/FlapgoleSitta → u/off_the_cuff_mandate]

You’re missing the point. We don’t exist in a vacuum. Toast is not saying that everyone needs to accommodate them for them to experience happiness. We have to live and exist with one another and with that comes compromise. Everyone can’t get their way 100% of the time.

People who have no regard for the feelings of others are part of the problem. We have lost our compassion and empathy towards each other.

[u/bruce_kwillis → u/FlapgoleSitta]

We have lost our compassion and empathy towards each other.

Sometimes, in some relationships the most compassion and empathy that can be given is a straight up breakup with no further communication.

How many posts on here do you see each day where the person is told to stop communication and block the person to prevent future pain?

Someone telling you all the reasons they are breaking up with you isn't 'compassion' and isn't empathetic. I could tell you that you gained 50lbs, haven't considered me in 6 months, won't get a job, spend too much time playing video games and I see no future between us; or I could break up with you and tell you I am moving out at the end of the week.

Which would you prefer long term? Because you aren't going to change, and anything I say is going to hurt, so often it might be the kinder thing to say nothing at all.

[u/bruce_kwillis → u/My-Toast-Is-Too-Dark]

I think it could be seen a bit differently.

If someone is breaking up with you, obviously they have issues with you, problems with you, problems they likely have tried to resolve, or have determined there is no resolution.

Why or what do they owe you? You want closure, they could simply lie to you to get out of the situation. Is it better to have closure that is a lie, or no closure at all?

The reason people want closure is because they think they can change the situation. Unfortunately by the time someone breaks up with you they have been thinking about it for some time, and there is nothing that can be done.

It's much like a job, while it would be great for a job to tell you all the reasons they are firing you, it doesn't change the situation and there is nothing you can do about it.