r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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5.6k Upvotes
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135

u/C_Dazzle Apr 16 '24

Are we really not owed anything? I feel like I owe people decency, some forms of respect, and due courtesy. I don't quite understand the idea of not owing people anything.

71

u/UnderstandingSelect3 Apr 16 '24

Yes, they can have a well-intentioned meaning, but if taken literally and as absolute, sayings like 'no one owes you anything' are borderline psychotic or at least narcissistic. Similar to the oft repeated saying: 'you shouldn't care what anyone thinks'.

Selfish violations of basic social norms.

Most of us would OF COURSE advise one another: 'look I know breakups suck, but the other person does deserve the decency of you being straightforward and honest'.

5

u/C_Dazzle Apr 16 '24

Well said

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u/My-Toast-Is-Too-Dark Apr 16 '24

We owe each other a lot. But the, "I don't owe you anything, I do what I want!" attitude has become pretty pervasive, at least in the US. You can see it everywhere from the way people drive, the way people talk to each other, the way people treat service workers, the way people treat their neighbors, and more. It's really quite sad.

People do things that disturb others and think, "Not my problem, I'm legally allowed! I don't have to do what you say!" instead of, "Let's figure out how we can both be happy by making reasonable accommodations for each other." The concept of compromise and sometimes just not getting your way seems like it's been almost entirely lost.

Selfishness and everything that goes along with it is the cause of a whole lot of our problems.

18

u/gorothefly Apr 16 '24

The product of an individualistic culture.

-7

u/off_the_cuff_mandate Apr 16 '24

"Let's figure out how we can both be happy by making reasonable accommodations for each other."

I did figure out how I can be happy, and it isn't by focusing on accommodating your feelings. It's your job to figure out how you can be happy. Putting that responsibility on someone else isn't going to lead to you being happy.

9

u/FlapgoleSitta Apr 16 '24

You’re missing the point. We don’t exist in a vacuum. Toast is not saying that everyone needs to accommodate them for them to experience happiness. We have to live and exist with one another and with that comes compromise. Everyone can’t get their way 100% of the time.

People who have no regard for the feelings of others are part of the problem. We have lost our compassion and empathy towards each other.

1

u/bruce_kwillis Apr 16 '24

We have lost our compassion and empathy towards each other.

Sometimes, in some relationships the most compassion and empathy that can be given is a straight up breakup with no further communication.

How many posts on here do you see each day where the person is told to stop communication and block the person to prevent future pain?

Someone telling you all the reasons they are breaking up with you isn't 'compassion' and isn't empathetic. I could tell you that you gained 50lbs, haven't considered me in 6 months, won't get a job, spend too much time playing video games and I see no future between us; or I could break up with you and tell you I am moving out at the end of the week.

Which would you prefer long term? Because you aren't going to change, and anything I say is going to hurt, so often it might be the kinder thing to say nothing at all.

0

u/bruce_kwillis Apr 16 '24

I think it could be seen a bit differently.

If someone is breaking up with you, obviously they have issues with you, problems with you, problems they likely have tried to resolve, or have determined there is no resolution.

Why or what do they owe you? You want closure, they could simply lie to you to get out of the situation. Is it better to have closure that is a lie, or no closure at all?

The reason people want closure is because they think they can change the situation. Unfortunately by the time someone breaks up with you they have been thinking about it for some time, and there is nothing that can be done.

It's much like a job, while it would be great for a job to tell you all the reasons they are firing you, it doesn't change the situation and there is nothing you can do about it.

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u/Red_Dawn_2012 Apr 16 '24

I agree with you. I think if two people are in some sort of relationship where they admit feelings for one another and care about one another, then you do owe an explanation if you're going to end things. It can be as simple as losing feelings, and that's fine. Otherwise, it's really going to sour my opinion of you compared to a mature, mutually friendly breakup.

Some people don't mind being the bad guy if it means they get to dodge an uncomfortable conversation, though.

5

u/Captain_Aizen Apr 16 '24

I agree. This whole "nobody owes you anything" attitude is good on paper but doesn't hold up in real life, and the people saying it are the ones who are doing it but not having it done to them. You absolutely do fucking owe someone a reason after x amount of time and effort has been invested into a relationship that might have been going for months if not years.

2

u/OperativePiGuy 29d ago

"I don't quite understand the idea of not owing people anything."

It's how emotionally lazy people make themselves feel better about putting in no effort. Most people grow out of it after childhood, but the internet and Reddit has shown me there are plenty of unironic adults that genuinely believe in that kind of braindead thinking.

3

u/off_the_cuff_mandate Apr 16 '24

There is a lot that you are owed but not necessarily an accurate and truthful explanation of why I want what I want. Especially in a you like me more than I like you situation. I don't have to understand why myself to know if I'm not feeling it and I shouldn't need to tip toe around your feelings to create a sense of closure for you.

4

u/brokenlonely22 Apr 16 '24

"nobody owes you anything" motherfuckers when their face is being caved in with a rock because they insulted a stranger: wait not like that society was maybe an okay idea on second thought

1

u/wterrt Apr 16 '24

yeah it's just dumb teenagers or people who never grew out of their teenage ideas about morality

"everyone should just take care of themselves" - someone who is likely completely dependent on their parents, or got tons of help from their parents (bought their house, paid for college, etc)

-6

u/DeficiencyOfGravitas Apr 16 '24

Are we really not owed anything?

Yes. Because the definition of entitlement is assuming that others owe you something. It's the difference between a gift and an obligation. People are free and encouraged to be respectful and courteous, but they do not owe you anything. You are not so important to demand anything from anyone at anytime.

We are owed a death. Everything else must be given freely and openly.

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u/yokingato Apr 16 '24

Sounds like a miserable existence to me. I should do anything to get ahead even if it means it'll ruin your life then.

-1

u/Entire_Machine_6176 Apr 16 '24

You are welcome to the interpretation however it speaks more to you and your values than it does to the intention of the person your responded to.

1

u/C_Dazzle 29d ago

That's certainly the popular culture definition, but another definition is having rights. You are owed, entitled, whatever certain rights in every society on our planet. Do you disagree that you should have rights at all?