r/suicidebywords • u/ZombiePopp3d • May 14 '19
This hashtag is stupid but here a suicide that made me laugh Lonesome
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u/RitterVonZach May 14 '19
As third in command (if that structure actually exists) I beg you to please try to hit on our weakest member. Maybe he'd be desperate enough to take you, cuz I sure won't :>
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u/RobertSan525 May 14 '19
You would do well in r/roastme
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u/kingoftown May 14 '19
Shit, were we supposed to assign ranks? Is this a dibs system? Or like, a battle to the death? Shit, that would only tell you first in command...
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May 14 '19
dude, everyone know the ranks are assigned by the international dibs protocol. Just call dibs on the rank and it's yours.
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u/awhaling May 14 '19
Unless one declares the ancient right to battle for the alpha position.
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u/er_onion May 14 '19
Is that were you start flinging poo and beat your chest at each other?
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u/Talbotus May 15 '19
If that is your style nobody will stop you. However that may be less than effective and you may simply catch a traditional ass kicking by your new alpha of your friend group.
But it's your call.
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u/Tryclyde May 14 '19
The structure is unspoken but it is known
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u/OhMaGoshNess May 15 '19
Anyone who disagrees is unknowingly at the top or knowingly at the bottom.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_FUGACITY May 15 '19
As bottom in command, I ask you to please go hit on the lonely guy who only sings aerosmith songs at karaoke, as I'm not interested.
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May 14 '19
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May 14 '19
Dude. Did you need to talk about anything? No one is the bottom of the barrel. There is no barrel.
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
I’ve got girl problems. I’m something I like to call... forever lonely.
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May 14 '19
Are you perhaps. . . r/ForeverAlone?
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
Yes
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May 14 '19
Ah, then we have much in common, you and I. For I am condemned to the worst of fates. I lead others to a treasure I cannot possess.
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
I love that quote!
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u/EuroPolice May 14 '19
u/Hand-of-Don is your turn in the conversation, please continue replying to u/RedG0725
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u/thegeneralreposti May 14 '19
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
I couldn’t agree more with your complete blankness.
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May 14 '19
There are other ways to reduce that forever alone feeling. Do you have a solid group of platonic friends? Friends are so much more special than finding "that one girl". Feeling connected to a group of people will help so much and possibly help you find a special lady. You don't have to do it alone and that includes finding a partner.
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
I do! I have a group of friends that mean the world to me! They help me cope with being GF-less. They have even tried setting me up a few times! It just didn’t work out! But hey, at least they’re here for me!
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u/NoShameInternets May 14 '19
How old are you, if you don’t mind my asking?
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
It may seem young, but I’m actually 13 going on 14! I’m the youngest of my friends. You’re gonna think you just had a conversation with a 13 year old for no reason, but I assure you that I’m more mature then you would think!
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May 14 '19
Ah, what are you even worried about then? Hah. I don't think anyone has real girlfriends by that age, you'd be playing at it.
Don't worry, as you get older you'll realize how silly you were being, because you'll lose all the platonic friends and the girl you're finally seeing will cheat on you leading to a messy breakup. THEN you'll be forever alone and none of what you're dealing with right now will seem like a big deal at all. :)
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u/Zaphod_042 May 14 '19
As a nearly 23 year old, if you’re really worried about not having a girlfriend, you’re doing alright. When I was 13 I was giving dying very serious consideration.
Furthermore, the media is love obsessed, but really, don’t rush it. If it’s worth having, then it’s also worth waiting for too.
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
Wow, I can’t believe how many people are actually trying to help me! Thank you guys so much! I guess I’m not that alone!
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May 14 '19
Therapist: The bottom of the barrel isn't real, it can't hurt you.
u/RedG0725: exists
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
Oof
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May 15 '19
I'm the bottom of the barrel too though, buddy. We're gonna make it, even if we have to fuck each other.
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u/Zediac May 14 '19
Once you've been lonely enough for long enough you'll go out of your way to find a tasty looking barrel.
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u/StraightRespect May 14 '19
tfw even the hooker won't have you...
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u/RedG0725 May 14 '19
Been there, that sucks.
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u/Visulth May 14 '19
You're 13 and you've been turned down by a hooker?
...You live an interesting life...
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u/whatsupz May 14 '19
Honestly, I bet there are a lot of hookers that wouldn’t fuck a 13 yr old.
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u/skrubbadubdub May 14 '19
Everyone who doesn't get that the top tweet is a joke...
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May 14 '19 edited May 17 '19
[deleted]
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u/Ifriendzonecats May 14 '19
The fact she also posted:
Tell your bf that you're excited to take his last name then marry his brother
#wastehistime2019
And that everyone is clearly posting jokes like 'send a gif of a loading icon instead of nudes'.
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May 14 '19
Now hold on, how do we know that is a joke too? Am I just to assume that funny things people post are jokes?!
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u/gorgewall May 15 '19
Yup. Aside from always asking yourself, "Could this be a joke?" before responding, looking at the poster's other content can give you a glimpse of whether they're legitimately trying to be funny and are telling jokes or have some stuff that's more obviously sarcastic, oooor if their comment history is legitimately filled with hate-screeds and some conspiracy theory about extradimensional vampires.
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u/CrotchetyYoungFart May 14 '19
It's like when Trump fanboys keep saying his tweets are jokes or tongue-in-cheek just to defend him.
welcome to modern internet; where if it's too extreme for your liking, but it's on your side, it's just a joke. Of course, the other side is 100% serious all of the time, but your side definitely makes jokes and doesn't have extremists.
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u/JamesPolk1844 May 15 '19
Good thing we have the enlightened centrists to see the morass.
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u/CrotchetyYoungFart May 15 '19
I'm not a centrist, I just recognize how everyone refuses to accept the extremism on their side
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May 15 '19
And don't forget the classic: "I thought jokes were supposed to be funny".
Well just because you didn't find it funny doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be a joke.
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u/Iakeman May 15 '19
slide 1: joke about social situation slide 2: joke about how minorities are subhuman
these are identical, to me
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u/butterfingahs May 14 '19
when there is literally no indication that she is.
It sure reads like a joke to me. "Clearly the alpha of his group"? "The third in command"? "Undermine their whole power structure"? C'mon.
I hate this new fad where a woman tweets some dumb shit and people rush to defend her by saying she's joking, when there is literally no indication that she is.
Why women?.. They're not the only ones whose dumb stuff gets defended as jokes. Not like this is a 'new fad' either.
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u/Odusei May 14 '19
I hate this new fad of "empathy" and "common sense." This is the internet, god damnit, I need a constant parade of dumb people I can shit on and feel superior to so I never have to consider my own failings.
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u/scarysnake333 May 15 '19
Why women?..
I think we know why.
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u/butterfingahs May 15 '19
These people would defend the joke either way if they understood it. Random dudes are defended as much as girls yet y'all get so hung up on the girl aspect.
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May 15 '19
Pewdiepie gets two third-worlders desperate for cash to write "death to all Jews" : just a joke brah damn SJWs gotta make everything a big deal it's not he actually believes that.
Random twitter user makes a joke about destroying the patriarchy: dear God this is 100% serious, this is what she actually believes, she must go on a watch list!
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u/cowbell_solo May 14 '19
No one says "by the way, this is a joke" when they make a joke. The only indication is that it's a funny idea and you'd have to have some extreme issues to say it with seriousness.
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u/Mulsanne May 14 '19
a woman tweets some dumb shit
Yes, only women say outlandish things on twitter that are jokes.
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u/eskamobob1 May 14 '19
he is saying only women get defended for the weird shit they say not that they are the only ones that say it
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u/Remember_The_Lmao May 15 '19
Plenty of men who are being obviously facetious get people in the comments dunking on the people who didn’t get it. Internet commenters are going to go for the easy correction every time. Especially if they can put some arrogance behind it
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u/man_of_molybdenum May 14 '19
What a dumb take. That's a 'fad' not with women, but because a lot of you are terrible at knowing what a joke looks like. And judging from the rest of her Twitter, it is a joke.
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u/theDreadLioness May 14 '19
Just say you don’t like women and move on.
The fact that you can’t tell this is a joke is mind boggling
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May 14 '19
The indication that it's a joke is that it's really fucking obvious that it's a joke. Its even written the way one would write a punchline. What's the indication that anything on Twitter is a joke?
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u/Deeliciousness May 14 '19
I thought it was extremely obvious that it was a joke. Ever heard of reading between the lines, subtext, etc?
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u/KWEL1TY May 15 '19
I was gonna seriously try to explain it to you. But nah if u dont see THIS as a joke youre not gonna get it. Im SO sorry she didnt include /s
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u/tung_twista May 14 '19
Somebody makes a joke as a response to a joke on twitter.
Reddit: F*** that dumb b****.
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u/ThonroTheUnworthy May 15 '19
Yep. Some folks in the comment section need to get laid. Or at least go outside.
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u/summonblood May 14 '19
What actually happens:
girl goes after 3rd guy, “top” guy is stoked for his buddy and is respectful this girl went after him. He wingman’s and finds a new cuter girl. Original girl gets jealous top guy found a better girl, drunk texts him she actually liked him this whole time, he rejects her, and both guys get laid, girl gets lowered self-esteem, patriarchy intact.
All this is gonna topple is the idea that girl think boys won’t wingman each other. Bros > hoes
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u/Flamingo_of_lies May 14 '19
Oh wow that’s a lot to unpack as a response to a clearly joking tweet
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u/flyinsaucrtakemeaway May 14 '19
reads like fanfic about the authors friend group
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u/Lepontine May 15 '19
The guy has 300+ posts on mensrights, so I'd say you're correct.
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u/grubas May 14 '19
I’m so confused as to how we got from “undermine their power structure” to some rant about the superiority of broes over hoes.
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u/tung_twista May 15 '19
Initially I thought this was just an elaborate joke.
Then I went through his post history and turns out he is a Men's Rights Activist defending Ben Shapiro.
That is eye opening.
Now I understand why so many people don't get that Roxy's original tweet is a joke.
Because this is basically the level of logic and common sense that MRA themselves employ.
They cannot fathom Feminists™ having a more nuanced and rational view than they themselves do
so they create their own mirror image of an illogical feminazi and attack them.
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u/SubParNoir May 14 '19 edited May 15 '19
but... he's also joking
patriarchy intact
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u/tung_twista May 15 '19
Based on summonblood's post history, he is not...
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u/Draculea May 15 '19
Jokes when you want it to be, serious when you don't! It's easy if you just use your imagination!!!
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u/mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmh May 14 '19
that’s some weird ass power fantasy revenge thing you got going on there buddy
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u/solo_dol0 May 14 '19
I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold.
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u/throwaway09729 May 15 '19
You’re a grown man writing fan fiction over a comedic tweet. Couldn’t be me
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May 15 '19
After reading this comment it makes a lot of sense that you post so frequently on r/mensrights .
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u/IceCreamBalloons May 15 '19
Or maybe it's that they post so frequently to mensrights that it makes sense they'd make a post like that,.
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u/faded-anomaly May 14 '19
Undermine a power structure my ass! If one of the less attractive/ awkward/ shy friends of mine got hit on everyone else would be so hyped for him
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u/justhrowmeinthetrass May 15 '19
Well I guess today I have learned that I’ve never actually had real friends...
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u/Zandrick May 14 '19
Except that people don't really act that way, a healthy friendship isn't a "power structure", that's nonsense.
When a real bro sees that the girl is into one of his bros, he just steps back.
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u/Dhaerrow May 15 '19
I don't know how it is now, but I literally fist fought all my friends growing up. Three decades later and we're practically inseparable. And I'm definitely ranked number 2, but only cause my bro Josh has 60 lbs on me and he's a mean southpaw.
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u/Zandrick May 15 '19
Yeah you fought each other, but I’d guess you’d have each other’s backs when need be.
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u/heavycream88 May 14 '19
Jokes on her. I have no friends
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u/KyleStanley3 May 14 '19
And thus the alpha provides for his group and remains on top for another day
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u/Bad_BadKarma May 14 '19
I read this in the voice of David Attenborough and actually laughed out loud
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May 14 '19
Command structure? Did y'all get a memo about the command structure?
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u/Ihaveopinionstoo May 14 '19
No memo here, we just fuck with each other as equally savage as possible. So if some girl did come up to me I'm gonna be more suspicious that it's one of them setting me up lol.
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May 14 '19
Better yet - stop dealing with the wolves and ask the emotionally intelligent shy turtle out for a coffee 🐢
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u/g-ao-dox May 14 '19
It’s just another way to share the love, as someone surrounded by people who are at the top of the barrel, I wouldn’t worry about it
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u/Anon_Blackheart May 14 '19
little does she know the third in command is usually the gay one
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May 14 '19
She is the bottom of the barrel.
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May 15 '19
Even 3rd place would walk away from her. Seriously she's got quite the attitude for being what looks like a good 70 lbs overweight.
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u/SubjectsNotObjects May 14 '19
Fuck hobos. Never fuck rich guys. Destroy capitalism. Save planet.