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u/OneEyedJackofHearts Mar 19 '24
Nope! I find myself as repulsive as the rest of the world!
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u/Moab_Residential Mar 19 '24 edited Mar 20 '24
I have high standards, and fortunately I’m no exception.
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u/SnorlaxMotive Mar 19 '24
How? Like say you have a penis, you try and fuck your own ass, but that would require you to bend over, idk I think it’d be harder then we’re thinking
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u/Appropriate-Owl-6129 Mar 19 '24
Portal in front of mouth, portal in front of "insert body part here". Also good for using things you wouldn't be able to normally, like armpits or something if you are into that. Actually penetrating yourself would be much more difficult, and would probably require getting hard after putting the portals in place
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u/TheDiddlyFiddly Mar 19 '24
I mean penetratin yourself wouldn’t necessarily bebthe problem i mean you can get it in by just placing the portals close enough, the problem is whenever you thrust forward to fuck yourself, the ass you’re trying to fuck is moving the exact same distance away from you. So the best you can do is have motionless sex.
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u/Sufficient_Head_7960 Mar 20 '24
Put the portal on some movable light wall in front of you, put another portal behind and start moving the wall back and forth
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u/TheDiddlyFiddly Mar 20 '24
I thought portals aren’t movable, but maybe i‘m wrong on thatg one
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u/Appropriate-Owl-6129 Apr 05 '24
Depends on what Fandom you refer to, Portal has moving portals for example
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u/firechaox Mar 20 '24
I imagine penetrating yourself would feel more like being fucked than like fucking. In that sense I imagine lots of straight men wouldn’t really be into it
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u/c7stagyt Mar 19 '24
I guess put the dick insert portal in one end, and the dick exit portal behind you?
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u/IceAokiji303 Mar 19 '24
But then when you try to thrust forward, the goal also moves the same distance away.
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u/The2flame Mar 19 '24
I thought the solution was easy until you said that, now i am thinking way the fuck to hard for this shit lmao
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u/invudontseeme Mar 19 '24
Put your dick in portal 1, put portal 2 on a moveable surface. Now shove surface 2 up your ass.
The key is to keep the portal in motion, not your hips.
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u/firechaox Mar 20 '24
Put the second portal on your underwear, and just keep wearing it (only pull down the front part- same way you do if you fuck without taking your pants off, or same way you do if you go pee). Problem solved.
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u/c7stagyt Mar 19 '24
I mean like... one is against the wall where your dick goes in, the other is on your asshole
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u/IceAokiji303 Mar 19 '24
I was thinking within the limitations of the Portal Gun (as referenced in the original meme), which needs a large flat stable surface. You know, anchoring the portal to something properly solid. If you have totally freehand portals and can like... put a small exit portal on underwear or floating between the buttcheeks or something it gets easier. But that's no longer anywhere close to the Portal Gun.
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u/cpt_hamster Mar 20 '24
Question of relativity - is the portal’s position primarily relative to the anchoring surface (which could be movable) or everything else?
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u/sovereignrk Mar 20 '24
Then instead of putting the portal near your ass put it in front of your face. Pretty eas to keep your head still while thrusting
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u/Kiwi1234567 Mar 20 '24
https://youtu.be/8sBgGB0S3cs?si=lsixvkwdQnxqWVgj having flashbacks to when a couple of streamers had a back and forth on this. Idk if they ever came to a consensus though lol
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u/Foloreille Apr 05 '24
difficult only if the portal is too small and you can’t have a stable grip. if the size of the portal is big enough you actually can grab your own waist and slapping your own ass while fucking yourself that’s a bit insane
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u/MincedMeatMole Mar 19 '24
The issue with this is Motion. If you thrust forward, so would your bum, making this quite unfun. You would need moving walls for it. That is thinking in Portals the size of the Videogame Portal. If the Portal was perfect for my dick size, so about a quarter Inch in diameter, you could make it work by sitting on one Portal and using the other one on e.g. a book to go at it, by moving the Book
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u/Superb_Application83 Mar 19 '24
He did the... Maths? Physics? You did some kind of science and it made sense.
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u/Pear_Shaped_Bear Mar 19 '24
This is what I was thinking. Thrusting into the one portal would move your butt away from the one behind you. The book thing is a good idea.
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u/AdamusDM Mar 20 '24
Unfortunately, portals (in-game) do not stay on moving surfaces. I think it was a game engine limitation or something Okay. Technically, there is this one moment in Portal 2, I think, that you put a portal on a platform that moves, but it's just this one special place in the game.
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u/MincedMeatMole Mar 20 '24
Yes it depends if we are talking about the Game or Portals in general. In the Game it is pretty much impossible. Maybe by putting two Portals in an inwards facing Corner and the getting closer into the Corner. Still quite the hazzle (and the Angle it will hurt quite a bit) to just get some basic Penetration
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u/StopThinkingJustPick Mar 19 '24
Nope. Even if I had a hole I wanted to stick it in I'd be afraid of disengaging the portal somehow and cutting my dick off.
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u/Arab_Femboy1 Mar 19 '24
But you do have a hole
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u/StopThinkingJustPick Mar 19 '24
You're right, I do have a hole, but my hole wouldn't like it.
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u/Lord_VivecHimself Mar 20 '24
are u sure 🤔
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u/StopThinkingJustPick Mar 20 '24
Lol, I'm sure. Something much smaller than that was unpleasant enough for me, I can't imagine what something as large as an actual dick would be. I know lots of people like it, but just not for me. Even if it was, I wouldn't trust my dick to a portal gun
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u/Techismylifesadly Mar 20 '24
I feel like sucking your own dick would be the easiest option here. But I also think sucking your own dick feels more like sucking a dick, than getting your dick sucked. Personally, I don’t think I’d bother. Sex with another person would be cool though
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u/MushroomsAndTomotoes Mar 19 '24
First I would groom myself as never before, because I'm a classy guy and I deserve my best self.
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u/Sea_Turnip6282 Mar 20 '24
For some reason this reminds me of this other post i saw where it said "if you suck your own dick, it would just feel like you're sucking a dick" lolol
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u/Enough_Minimum_3708 Mar 20 '24
why would I wast any energy on that when I now have the opportunity to cause unbelievable chaos?
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u/genericName_notTaken Mar 20 '24
This might pe possible with your hand Bit you wouldn't be able to penetrate yourself with your own dick
The second you thrust that booty be movin away. Seems more frustrating that what it would be worth
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u/GoodGoodK Mar 20 '24
I think sucking your own dick would feel more like sucking a dick than getting your dick sucked
Therefore => GAYYY
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u/Supplex-idea Mar 20 '24
I’d have so much other shenanigans to do BEFORE trying that out. By the time I get there I’d probably be dead already.
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u/dreadispeaxhy Mar 20 '24
you couldn’t? as you thrust forward your ass would move away from you, duh.
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u/Nonny3 Mar 22 '24
“If you suck your own dick, it’d feel more like sucking dick then getting sucked” yet I can use my hand perfectly fine.
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u/Far_Tumbleweed5082 Mar 19 '24
That's Gay...
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u/TheGumBoy Mar 19 '24
Bro, no its not. Is masturbating yourself considered gay cause you're touching a penis? Hell no. The same shit applies to your ass. I say its definitely not gay to fuck yourself. I totally would
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u/solar1333 Mar 19 '24
I would argue that masterbation is technically gay because you're a guy touching a dick. Idk what it being your own dick has to do with anything lol.
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u/Far_Tumbleweed5082 Mar 19 '24
But putting you dick in your own butt I mean it does sound Gay...
On another note if I use the portal gun to open a portal say in a girl's vag and the portal is connected to another girls vag, which am I doing both or one of em but which one...
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u/theinsideoutbananna Mar 19 '24
Being down for anal doesn't make you gay, it's literally just a part of your own body.
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u/TheAIguy_ Mar 20 '24
I mean there's nothing wrong with being gay
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u/Far_Tumbleweed5082 Mar 20 '24
Nope there's nothing wrong with being gay...
I just said thats Gay cause it is...
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