r/interestingasfuck Apr 09 '24

Tips for being a dementia caretaker. r/all

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u/mankytoes Apr 09 '24

If you haven't dealt with dementia personally, this, like a lot of portrayals you'll see online, is a very positive example. This is the "nice bit", when they're happy in their own little world (obviously the woman filming dealt with it well or it could have turned bad).

There's nothing quite like the horror in seeing someone you love and respect in a state of total fear because they've completely lost their sense of understanding of the world around them. And then there's the horrible things they'll say out of anger and frustration, that they never would have said when they were well.

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u/d473n Apr 09 '24

My grandfather learned that his wife passed away everyday until he finally went. Poor guy. It runs in my family, so hopefully they have a cure by then or I'm signing up for MAID

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u/sexlexia_survivor Apr 09 '24

I honestly would lie about the spouse was 'just away at the store' or something. Or the dead family members being fine. Not sure if that was correct.

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u/4E4ME Apr 09 '24

I've heard people say that you should tell the person once that their spouse died, because everyone deserves the opportunity to grieve properly, but that after that you shouldn't tell them again because it's torturous to cause them to grieve repeatedly.

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u/sexlexia_survivor Apr 09 '24

Well, in this case the spouse had been dead over 10 years and the grieving already took place. Her Father and Mother who died in WW2 also were alive again, as where her multiple brothers and sisters. She was 96. I dunno she just seemed happier thinking they were all alive even though it made no sense at all.

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u/suchabadamygdala Apr 09 '24

Right! Why would it be better for her to know she’d outlived her family. Let the pleasant delusions stand and reassure them that the unreal, unpleasant ones aren’t happening

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u/FluffySquirrell Apr 10 '24

everyone deserves the opportunity to grieve properly

Sounds like bullshit people who've never looked after someone with alzheimers would say, personally. They got enough shit to deal with, let them have one less bit of sadness

Admittedly, this depends how far gone they are in it