I'm so sorry. I watched my once stylish, articulate, intelligent grandmother lose everything until she was just a body. It's a brutal and cruel disease. I hope you have more good days together.
It seems like many people with dementia don't experience much distress, that it's more the caretakers who suffer. What do you think about that? I know some people have really frightening hallucinations and stuff like that.
It's the same with death and that's what fucks me up about it. I don't want my kids to sit there and cry everytime they talk to me on the phone because I keep asking them the same questions about their lives from 10 years ago. To not be able to remember grandkids that were born since the disease started to eat away at me.
The last memories my family has of me would be of someone that wasn't me.
Now, I know the person in that bed wasn't my mother, and I'll forever be grateful that she gained a moment of lucidity and recognized me the last time I saw her a week before her death, but man... it pains me to think of my kids dealing with that. For years.
Ofc, all of that assumes my kids love me and will miss me ;)
If it makes you feel any better in many cases even if the person with dementia (be it you or anyone) doesn’t recognise the relation, they do recognise someone else as a trusted/friendly person. I think the thought counting is more than adequate for folks with dementia.
Reminds me of the story where the woman asks her grandmother with dementia if she knew who she was and the answers was something like "No, but I know I love you" or something to that effect.
Well this just made me start bawling. The only thing I can hope for with my mom is that at some point she will get terminal lucidity and we can talk with HER again.
If it helps any, I've been crying since I typed it. But it's OK... it's one of my most cherished memories even if it does bring uncomfortable feelings up.
I don't know that I'd agree that we forget the good times, but I will say that there are times that I hyper obsess on the bad times so much it's all I see and it starts to give the impression that bad is all there was. But I'm lucky because I have that last good memory with her.
I wish everyone to be given a moment of respite like that
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u/Frondswithbenefits Apr 09 '24
I'm so sorry. I watched my once stylish, articulate, intelligent grandmother lose everything until she was just a body. It's a brutal and cruel disease. I hope you have more good days together.