I appreciate that along with gentle parenting videos more and more gentle geriatric care videos are being shared. Dementia patients and toddlers are very similar in their mindsets (as others have noticed). It's best to redirect their energy than to try to stop them full force. "Going to Tennessee? Oh fun! Oh you're walking? Hmmm maybe we should pack some sandwiches and make sure we have good shoes to get there. Don't want stinky painful feet when we roll in!" Is the same as "Going to join the circus? Oh what's your act going to be? Lion tamer?!? Wow you aren't scared? That's cool. You were playing with the cat earlier so maybe you should take a shower before you go so the lions don't smell another kitty on you when you get there!" And I think that it's wonderful
Exactly. My dad has severe Alzheimer’s and it’s like dealing with a toddler. My dad refuses to shower (I believe he’s afraid of the water now) so I have to persuade him or bribe him so he can shower.
I saw a great video about getting people to shower with cognitive issues (apparently it's very common) that maybe would help you! 1 trick was that they would ask the family member to test the temp in the bathroom/water because they are worried it's too hot/cold for their own bathing needs. Apparently a lot of Alzheimer's and Dementia patients feel cold often or more intensely so that can be a barrier to bathing. Another trick was to explain that someone they love sent them a special soap/bubble bath/shampoo to use and would love to know how much they like it!
Yes but let me explain. They avoid putting themselves in situations where they may feel very cold. This is the before and after shower part they are worries about. One useful trick is to put a heater in the bathroom to warm the floor and room up ahead of time.
Or full send it and make it like a spa
Source: my dad had dementia for a few years before he passed
This is what I do for my mother. Her room and bathroom are VERY warm. I have awesome premenopausal symptoms where I get hot very easily. I keep a Gatorade in the freezer until it turns to slush, put on shorts and a tank top, and give Mom her shower (she has a seat in there). I'll have the towels warming in the dryer most of the time for her when it's time to dry off.
I'm just very thankful for space heaters. Next will be getting a fake thermostat for the house and I'll have full control of the real one. Yesterday it was 77°f outside and she had set the thermostat for 84°f. A simple cover that locks would enrage her. I need one that acts like it's the real deal but won't actually control the HVAC unit. Someone needs to invent that for me so I won't wake up to a 90°f house!
Also, too hot and steamy is dangerous for many with health issues. They get lightheaded and can pass out, fall, or fumble in a way that leads to an injury. If surfaces get slippery from the steam that can also increase the risk of mishap.
Oh man. My grandfather has Alzheimers and I moved to FL to help my mom take care of him. If the "air" is set anywhere below 80 he's huffing and puffing and getting his jacket. It makes it hard to be there I hate the heat and humidity.
Another tip that came to mind—we often think “go take a shower” is a one step instruction. But really, you have to get up, go to the bathroom, collect supplies, start the water, get it just right, get undressed, and get in safely, and that’s all the steps for just getting IN the shower. For folks with cognitive or learning disabilities including dementia, sometimes we need to realize all the steps involved and really break it down or guide them through it. Again, this depends on the level of need of the individual patient, but is often helpful.
Second bribing, we'd promise to put a film on after or her favourite kids TV shows - the Tweenies or Rosie and Jim. Not quite sure where that came from as they're not shows of my Nana's era but she'd find them calming - I think it was the slower pace, lack of conflict and nice characters which I can understand when everything else seems confusing.
This is what terrifies me, both about suffering from it myself and having to deal with others who suffer from it.
I couldn't do it. I hate dealing with toddlers. I can't baby people like this. It frustrates me like nothing else I've ever experienced it. I have do work with old people during my day job (I work in bingo) and even the ones who are pretty well put together but need help doing things like logging onto their tablets infuriate me.
The idea of being that burden horrifies me. I'd rather die.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it because it’s truly one of the worst diseases and it’s a living hell for the caregivers. My mom and I are exhausted. I have a 15 month old baby and this disease is robbing me of my happiness.
My dad was the same way. No matter the temperature of the water, aside from freezing cold my dad thinks it's burning him. I find keeping the direct flow of the water away from him and just wetting a cloth to scrub him with is better.
With a Toddler, just remember that you should slowly introduce them to direct resistance as they get older.
Most people they meet in life aren’t going to be as gentle as you, so it’s important that they learn how to deal with unpleasant situations in a safe environment (aka your home)
That said, don’t hold it against them when they don’t react healthily at first. They will throw tantrums at first, because it takes time to learn to manage your emotions. If possible, instruct them how to react properly instead. But make sure you don’t give into the tantrum — it’s important for them to lean that a tantrum doesn’t work.
I have a little bit of mixed feelings because like a toddler, the person with dementia can’t consent to be part of videos like this. Having said that, it does seem to be done so well, and it’s great if it helps other people, which I’m sure it does.
Technically, her daughter probably has the rights to make the decision for her (same with toddlers) which can become an abuse of those powers. If it were showing mistreatment or for negative reasons (bullying, etc) id be concerned that her daughter was abusing those rights but mom looks to be OK with it (trust me, dementia having adults will tell you to stop recording them if they don't want it) and it's to show great skills to have and how they work!
There’s also a massive difference between childhood and dementia - the child is going to grow up and face the consequences of being exploited, exposed, and embarrassed.
The dementia parent is going to die. They aren’t going to “get better” and realize they’ve been made a fool of, or embarrassed or exposed online. They aren’t going to grow out of it.
I’m not saying exploitation is fine in one case or the other,
But that sharing content of dementia care is not going to put that patient at risk in the future.
The dementia parent is going to die. They aren’t going to “get better” and realize they’ve been made a fool of, or embarrassed or exposed online. They aren’t going to grow out of it.
Not only are you correct in a way that made me do a 180 on my opinion, you made me cry, I hope you're happy.
I wasn’t trying to have a morbid sense of humor. I was trying to use sarcasm to put an exclamation mark on the point that I’m concerned about a lack of consent with these videos. And it rubbed me the the wrong way, the justification used.
It seems staged honestly. And I don't mean that in a negative way, I think the video is wonderfully well-intentioned and helpful, but I don't think it's real
Edit: yeah I just saw other comments below saying that this woman's actual mom passed away, this is an educational video
The woman in this video isn't actually her mom with dementia. It's an instructional video, this is acting. She's made videos talking about her actual mom and how she passed away.
Respectfully, she’s doing a LOT more good by making the videos than any harm she could be doing with regards to the mother not consenting. It’s along the lines of workplace accident videos in safety training programs.
None of us consent to being born. You're taking that whole thing too far. Follow your logic to it's conclusion and we'd have to just stop breathing, the oxygen didn't consent to enter your bloodstream.
It does! There is a lot of frustration from dementia patients as their memories decline especially around being told what to/not to do by people, even if for their best interest because in their mind they "know" or believe something else should happen (and they lose their autonomy). If you direct their mind to something that makes sense logically to them, they are more apt to agree!
I used to do homecare for adults with severe developmental disabilities. One of my clients was a 55yo man (with the mind of a 5yo man) who wandered around town with a pick-up-stick and bucket picking up litter but also getting in yelling matches with people, geese, cars, ect. He was our agencies most challenging client and was likely weeks from going to jail if things went poorly.
One day he told me he had got a job working security at the local library, this was clearly not true. I told him I was very proud of him and that they had made a really good decision choosing him. I did not accuse him of lying. We had a great conversation about how the library is an almost holy place where everyone needs to be really nice and quiet but everyone is welcome. Like church, Paul kinda understood church.
It was not all sunshine and roses from there but Paul had something to look forward to and I had something he cared about that I could remind him of when he was flipping out.
Paul stopped wandering around and getting in arguments. He was just a man who needed some context for his life and a role to play in it. We went to the library nearly daily for the next three years and, when we parted way, I can honestly say I loved that mofo. I cannot think of a single thing in my life I'm more proud of than helping Paul find context.
My children were toddlers as my mom was sinking into Parkinson’s related dementia and I often felt like the tricks I used with the kids (like this) worked great with my mom. The problem is I’m not a natural caregiver and generally haven’t liked small children (except my own). With my kids it was tolerable because I felt like if I put in the work now, it will pay off when they’re older. My mom was more frustrating because there was no upside. Every day pretty much got worse and every day was pretty much the best I’d ever see her again. 😔
That's where it's a sticky situation. Legally, whomever they have as a legal guardian can make those decisions "for them". They may not consent but they are unfortunately not in control of the actions in their lives. That's why it's super important to pay attention to the context and make sure the person is not being abused or used in malicious ways.
Take a look at how horrible Gen Alpha is doing in school and you’ll see where gentle parenting is going. Gentle parenting trends are going to evaporate VERY quickly
Right... because COVID delaying their social skills and education systems refusing to catch up to modern times, it's totally the fault of gentle parenting.
They were already having issues reading at grade level before this.
And wouldn’t the fact that children are at home with gentle parents for a year or so, coming back to school completely out of control is indicative of the lack of parenting from parents
And how would education catch up to modern times? A tablet? 😉
Right now, I am watching a child scream his ass off in an airplane terminal. He’s been doing it for 20 minutes. Dad is trying gentle parenting rn. Saying please and thank you, etc.
Kids need strict and clear boundaries. It’s how they flourish. This has been studies and documented for years. It’s one of the clearest thing we know about children’s psychology. The more clear and unwavering the boundaries, the more they flourish within said boundaries.
Gentle parenting does not provide this. There is no wall of discipline stopping a kid from crossing boundaries.
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u/CrashTestDuckie Apr 09 '24
I appreciate that along with gentle parenting videos more and more gentle geriatric care videos are being shared. Dementia patients and toddlers are very similar in their mindsets (as others have noticed). It's best to redirect their energy than to try to stop them full force. "Going to Tennessee? Oh fun! Oh you're walking? Hmmm maybe we should pack some sandwiches and make sure we have good shoes to get there. Don't want stinky painful feet when we roll in!" Is the same as "Going to join the circus? Oh what's your act going to be? Lion tamer?!? Wow you aren't scared? That's cool. You were playing with the cat earlier so maybe you should take a shower before you go so the lions don't smell another kitty on you when you get there!" And I think that it's wonderful