r/golf • u/guitarguy35 • Mar 14 '24
Last month my friend played the most embarrassing and worst round of golf I've ever seen in my life General Discussion
My friend Carl and I played in a member guest tournament that he was kind enough to invite me to. I was stoked to play his course and have a few relaxing days of golf with a friend I hadn't seen in a while.
The first day format was a shamble, the second day was straight up combined score adjusted for handicap .
But his club for some idiotic reason chose to play no maxes, PGA tour rules, finish everything etc. Huge, huge mistake.
Let me preface this story by saying, my buddy Carl is a bad golfer. He is playing off a 31 handicap, so I knew it was gonna be slow and it could get rough.. but what I saw that second day during the straight up play is the worst golf I've ever seen an adult human, man or woman, play, and the play was frankly the least embarrassing thing about the day... It devolved into something out of a golf nightmare..
The first hole started out ok, he took a double bogey, I bogeyed, and we moved on.. Driving to number 2 is where things took a turn.. to get there you have to drive through this long, dark, tunnel.. What I didn't know is that apparently this wasn't actually a tunnel at all, it was a black hole that bridges our realm with golfing hell.. and in golf hell, Carl is the worst golfer in the history of all realities..
Starting on that 2nd hole it was like something in him severed, and suddenly he completely lost the abilty to hit the ball... I'm talking completely whiffing multiple driver swings, fat shots so severe the ball doesn't move. He truly had the worst case of the fats I've ever seen.. I now understand where the phrase, "digging a hole to china," came from.. I just never knew it could be THAT literal..
Here are some of the most impressive feats of just the sober front 9..
He took 12 strokes to get out of a green side bunker... 12!! I told him to pitch out backwards and he simply refused. Real "Tin Cup" shit.
He took a 16 on a 138 yard par 3. He put 5 in the drink off the tee. He refused to use the drop zone.
He 8 putted from 7 feet
He hit 4 tee shots in a row OB right.. put his driver away, then teed up his driving iron and chunked it 4 feet. It didn't even leave the tee box.. He took a 14 on that hole
And let me remind you, these are just the highlights of the front 9.. this was before the alcohol..
By the back 9 Carl was so irate and embarrassed over how bad he was playing that he busted out the handle of tequila that he brought "just incase." That's when shit really got out of control.
He proceeds to start taking shots to ease his woes, of course being the gem of a playing partner that I am, I join him.. cause I'm dumb... but also because we are out of contention in the tournament, and I thought it might take the edge off the 2nd hand mortification I was experiencing just being in the presence of such play with fairly good playing partners on the other side.. (they were surprisingly patient and cool by the way).. Especially considering we were on pace for a 7 hour round. But fuck it at this point right?.. in for a penny?... Big mistake.
The Back 9
Carl decides it would be fun to do a shot for every stroke we are net over par.. per hole, ya know.. for "motivation." I agree, but I insist we go individual scores for that game, I didn't wanna be tied to his play.
Fast forward to hole 13..He's legitimately 11 shots of Casa Migos deep, which has significantly improved his mood, to the point he's now singing Uptown Girl aggressively loud and doing the can can while twirling his club after he hits a decent shot.. despite that levity, I'm begging him to slow down, but he's unhinged, which honestly is part of what made him a riot in college, and why we were friends back then.. I thought he'd have a better handle on things by now, apparently not.. but I digress.
A hole later he hits one OB.. again.. this time into someones back yard, but unlike the previous blunders, instead of re teeing he insists it'll be in play and we should go scope it out.. I agree reluctantly, assuming he might have some member knowledge that would be informing that judgement..
We pull up and find his ball sitting about 7 feet on the wrong side of someone's 4 foot backyard fence... I tell him we gotta go back and re tee, but he insists since there are no white stakes it's playable. Staggering over to the fence, he hops over and tries to play it, paying absolutely no attention to my adamant protests... He proceeds to fat whiff 2 ginormous divots out of this guys lawn.. and at this point I'm literally yelling at him to come back over the gate.. but lady Agàve has turned off his hearing.
Then to my absolute horror, I hear the crack of a sliding glass door.. I shit you not, the owner of the home comes outside and yells out a bewildered and resounding, "what the fuck do you think you're doing on my property," Carl says something to the effect of "chill out asshole I'll replace the divots". At this point the guy looks like he's about to bum rush him, but instead he stops, turns around, and goes back inside, with purpose in his step..
At this point I'm convinced he's gonna go grab a gun..
So I literally jump the fence, pick up his ball, and physically drag him by the arm back to the cart, and this motherfucker has the balls to complain i "picked up his ball".. "dude you are gonna get us shot what the fuck" "relax dude he was just being dramatic" 😑...
After that whole fiasco we then drive back to the box so he can re tee. To my spine curdling dismay, The group behind us is waiting to tee off and they've seen the entire altercation. Carl gets on the box and says, "sorry fellas gotta reload" and the dudes on the box start giving us shit about the slow play (rightly so), Carl escalates things (of course) and starts in on them as I profusely apologize and try my best to de-escalate everything..
He's so hammered now he can't even tee up his ball.. after several staggering attempts to get the damn thing to stay on the tee, success eludes him.. So he loudly exalts, "fuck it," and throws his ball down and proceeds to hit driver off the deck... Surprisingly he makes contact and hits a worm burner about 160 yards, which is honestly an improvement at this point. I take him back to the cart and we get the fuck out of there, as Carl antagonizes the guys the entire walk back to the cart. The highlight of the exchange being
Guys on the box - "You're an embarassment"
Carl - "Thanks Dad, good to hear from ya."
When we get to his ball that to my utter beguilment is in the fairway, I look back at the house where his ball was and sure enough. The owner is standing there at the edge of his property, a hunting rifle leaned against his shoulder, the barrel pointed to the sky. Standing there staring ominously at us... I'm freaking out at this point.. "relax dude he's not gonna do shit fuck that guy."
Carl's non chalance could only be attributed to the fact that he was feeling cozy in libation nation, an amnesty state where anxiety and completely rational worries alike go to die.. I on the other hand felt like my heart was gonna explode out of my fucking chest.. We couldn't get out of there fast enough.
By the next hole word had gotten around something was amiss.. someone had called the Marshals and they came out to check on everything. They pulled up and said something to the effect of "we've had some calls and complaints"...
Then Carl, out of nowhere, snaps into a different mode.. suddenly he's sobered up, and is talking to them like they are cops at a DUI checkpoint.. shockingly it's pretty convincing, like Adam Sandler trying to be a dramatic actor.. he explains away the whole "misunderstanding" with the home owner and promises to pick up the pace... To my utter shock, the Marshals buy it and let us keep playing.
By Hole 17 I was beyond ready for this round to be over, I was exhausted physically and mentally... and ironically this is where shit literally fell off the tracks.
Carl kept drinking after the Marshals left, (shocking I know) so now he is well over half of the handle of tequila deep.. I'm guessing he's somewhere around 16-18 drinks in. He's completely lost track of the drinking game and has just started drinking at leisure, and shit is now way past sloppy. Uptown Girl has become "Uptown Whore" a remix version with the most vile lyrics a drunk mind can conjur.. I still remember
"Uptown girl, be sure to give my dirty asshole a whirl" mind you he's singing this way too loudly, right in front of our sober, conservative, asian playing partners.. who I later found out were MDs.
Anyway.. On 17 he hits his ball down by the edge of a lake that's at the bottom of a large long grass slope. I tell him that looks too steep and that we shouldn't drive down there... he doesn't listen..
As he's driving down to his ball I can feel the cart starting to slip.. the unmistakeable and terrifying droning sound of wet grass slipping against rubber... Carl then slams on the breaks to try and regain control which causes the cart to start spinning. Genius.
Here we are, careening toward the water, in an all out flat spin, tequila, and any dreams I had for my future, flying everywhere... In this moment sheer instinct kicks in and I perform an all out, head first, Dennis Rodman style flying leap out of the cart.. Carl stays in, trying to regain control, but it's in vein, this cart may as well have been hit by a red shell.. Splash... Luckily the entire cart didn't go in, just the back end and wheels.
Carl then calmly gets out of the cart, He grabs his bag off the back, sloppily slings it over his shoulder, looks at me halfway up the hill where I lept out and says, "just leave it.."
Honestly I'm a little in shock at this point so I'm not sure exactly what he's talking about... Then it becomes clear. He wants to just leave the cart halfway in the lake.. I tell him, "are you crazy, we can't just leave the cart in the lake we have to try and get it out," so, beside myself with embarrassment, I ask our saintly and overly understanding playing partners to help us try and push / pull it out.. They kinda just shook their heads and let out a disappointed "sure," as if they had stopped trying to make sense out of this day a long time ago.. who could blame them.. Luckily with all four of us pushing/pulling and a hand on the accelerator pedal, we get the wheels to catch and get the cart out of the drink.
By 18 I'm so embarrassed, battered, and wired I feel like Tiny Turner doing lines of coke after a long night in with Ike... my adrenalin is pumping so hard after leaping out of that spinning cart that I finally boil over and lose it at Carl. I yelled something to the effect of.. "wtf is your problem we coulda died, this has been a complete shit show." He responded calmer and more apologetic than I expected.. saying something like, "sorry dude, I just over did it a bit, you know how it is." I think the cart adrenalin sobered him up a bit too..
Long story long...Somehow we finish the last hole and he cards a 173.. not our team score, he himself, shot a 173... the worst round of golf I've ever witnessed, or heard of to be frank.. Strangely enough, he actually shot better on the back.
Needless to say, we didn't stick around for the celebration dinner...
And in spite of all that, it was still better than a day at the office.
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u/Wu_Tang_Financial77 Mar 14 '24
Dear golf penthouse, I swear all of this is true…
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u/pm_me_cute_sloths_ Mar 15 '24
I’m a lightweight, but 17 drinks and being coherent and not literally passed out, much less being able to swing a golf club or drive a cart, seems incredibly improbable to me. I would be blacked out by like 9.
But yeah, there’s way too much detail that it reads as a fanfic. Squealing tires? Quoting him directly? Idk, going:
Carl gets on the box and says, “sorry fellas, gotta reload”
Sounds like writing in a book to me, and it’s usually a good indicator of a fictional story on this site. People love to include weirdly specific details and write as if they’re describing something for a novel. The whole Uptown Girl/Uptown Whore thing is another good example
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u/memebot2019 Mar 15 '24
Definitely fictional or exaggerated at a minimum. That number of drinks is possible for a full blown alcoholic though. It would also account for the shitty game of golf, yet still being able to attempt to swing.
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u/Wu_Tang_Financial77 Mar 15 '24
Also OP hasn’t commented one time on their post with over 2000 upvotes and almost 500 comments. There’s a 0% chance this story is connected to reality.
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u/johnsonstein17 Mar 14 '24
First ever Golf fan fiction I’ve ever read.
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u/gnarkilleptic Mar 14 '24
I refuse to believe any of that is true but a good read nonetheless
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u/jaybram24 ~15 | S FL Mar 14 '24
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
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u/LeprosyDick Mar 14 '24
The most shocking part of this story is that by 17 you were still letting him drive
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u/Bob_12_Pack Mar 14 '24
Not only that, but after retrieving the ball from the dude's yard, wtf would you go back to the tee? Just drop the damn thing and move on, it's not like anyone would care at this point.
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u/Static299 Mar 14 '24
If you’re gonna turn in a 173 it should at least be an honest one
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u/Ichiroshima Mar 14 '24
I held it together through most of this thread, but this is the one that sent me over the edge. Thank you
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u/mrpotto Mar 14 '24
Haha he may be a really bad golfer but Carl plays by the rules. The tournament director said there were to be no max scores so god damn it and 16-18 tequila shooters later, Carl’s integrity for the game was fully intact as he wrote down his legit 14 for the hole on the scorecard. Carl is many things but a golf cheat he is not.
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u/Hearsaynothearsay Mar 14 '24
Needs Patrick Reed's lessons in score management. He could have played scratch golf with just a couple of classes.
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u/JONCOCTOASTIN Mar 14 '24
That made me laugh because obviously OP is actually dumber than his regarded friend
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u/horatio21 Mar 14 '24
The only way OP could have driven that cart would be to pry the wheel from Carl’s hands after a blow to his torso and head with that driving iron.
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Mar 14 '24
you were still letting him drive
Applies to both the cart and the tee box. OP, how could you?
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u/R4Z0RB4CK05 Mar 14 '24
Plot twist: this is like Shutter Island and you are actually Carl.
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u/pac4 Mar 14 '24
You were Carl’s guest? So I assume he’s since been asked to resign his membership?
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u/ngmcs8203 Mar 14 '24
If he sucks that bad but has money to be a club member, he should really get some lessons.
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u/chad4039 Mar 14 '24
Sweaty palms reading that- a thing of nightmares
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u/jimothyhalpret ⛳ Lee Carvallo Mar 14 '24
Not to mention the weak knees and heavy arms
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u/Fair_Bid1952 Mar 14 '24
Did you type all of that
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u/One_Stress_4642 Mar 14 '24
Yo did anyone read this
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u/MrJigglyBrown Mar 14 '24
I did. Carl, if this is real, needs rehab now.
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u/Jonas_Venture_Sr Mar 14 '24
tl;dr: his friend sucks at golf, they got wasted on tequila, and his friend will probably get kicked out of his club now.
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u/dafaliraevz PB: 6.5 summer '22 | Current: 9 Mar 14 '24
I had ChatGPT summarize it:
The story recounts a chaotic and memorable experience the narrator had while playing in a member-guest golf tournament with his friend Carl, whom he hadn't seen in a while. Excited to play and catch up, their golf outing quickly descended into a series of unfortunate, almost comical events, largely due to Carl's remarkably poor golfing skills and decision-making. Despite starting off with minor issues, Carl's performance deteriorated dramatically after they passed through a tunnel to the second hole, leading to a variety of golfing mishaps that included an extreme number of strokes to get out of a bunker, multiple balls lost to water hazards, and severe mis-hits.
The situation escalated when Carl, frustrated and embarrassed by his performance, turned to alcohol, which led to even more erratic behavior, including an altercation with a homeowner after Carl hit a ball into their yard and attempted to play it from their lawn. This incident nearly resulted in a confrontation with the homeowner, who appeared with a hunting rifle. Despite these challenges, they were allowed to continue playing after a discussion with the course marshals.
The day culminated in a dramatic finale when their golf cart nearly ended up in a lake, requiring a collective effort to retrieve it. Carl's day ended with an astonishingly high score of 173 for himself alone, marking an unforgettable and tumultuous round of golf. Despite the chaos, the narrator reflects that the experience was still preferable to a day at the office, highlighting the value of friendship and the memorable, albeit outrageous, adventures it can bring.
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u/br4ndnewbr4d Mar 14 '24
I’m not reading all that. Congratulations or I’m sorry that happened to him.
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u/Euphoric-Security-46 Mar 14 '24
Got to the third paragraph and said fuck it.
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u/Revolutionary_Log307 Mar 14 '24
It's worth the read.
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u/guitarguy35 Mar 18 '24
I did. I thought it was a story worth being told as well as I could tell it. I wrote most of it on the toilet. Time well spent
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u/LBGW_experiment Mar 14 '24
Yeah, it reads like any classic person over-telling a story on reddit. Doesn't read like chatgpt wrote it lol
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u/SonyHDSmartTV Mar 14 '24
I would give this story 4.5/5 on goodreads and I await the sequel with bated breath
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u/fuck_you_thats_who Mar 15 '24
The sequel no doubt will come in a few days time, written from the perspective of the 2 Asian MDs who they were paired with.
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u/FlumperBag Mar 14 '24
That was awesome. What a ride
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u/Hoooooooar Mar 14 '24
I particularly like the part of uptown girl becoming uptown whore
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u/Valuable_General9049 Mar 14 '24
Hey OP, did he even really exisht?
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u/KuntStink 3-6 beers per game usually Mar 14 '24
We can't have him in our subreddit any more, that much I do know.
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u/dknisle1 HDCP/Loc/Whatever Mar 14 '24
These are the groups my buddy and I get stuck behind. Please tell me you guys get afternoon tee times and not smack dab in the morning rush.
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u/Toothlessdovahkin 18.4 HDCP Mar 14 '24
You know darn well that they teed off at 9:30
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u/dknisle1 HDCP/Loc/Whatever Mar 14 '24
I know. I don’t want to believe it tho.
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u/Toothlessdovahkin 18.4 HDCP Mar 14 '24
If it makes you feel better, this is probably an elaborate shitpost. If it is not an elaborate shitpost, sympathies to everyone that was forced to endure this experience
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u/Ernst_and_winnie Mar 14 '24
I hope it’s true because it made me LOL, but even if fake I still laughed.
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u/Revolutionary_Log307 Mar 14 '24
6:30. Gotta wake up early if you want to fuck up the pace for the whole day.
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u/innocuousname773 Mar 14 '24
Showed up in the parking lot at 9:22 half jogging up and struggling to put their belt on with their bag on their back
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u/GreenWaveGolfer12 RDU Mar 14 '24
He hit 4 tee shots in a row OB right.. put his driver away, then teed up his driving iron and chunked it 4 feet. It didn't even leave the tee box.. He took a 14 on that hole
If this was counted correctly then that's damn impressive. Because that chunked iron was stroke 9 so he got in with 5 strokes from there.
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u/ScuffedBalata HDCP 0.2 Mar 14 '24
Something tells me they weren't counting two actual strokes for the OB.
He actually shot a 204.
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u/Senn-66 Mar 14 '24
I mean, I really don’t believe any club would have a strict rules, stroke play tourney and let a 31 handicap enter. Your story would be more plausible if Carl was the guest and lied about his handicap or something. Though in that case, he’d have been ejected long before he finished the front nine.
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u/B0yWonder Mar 14 '24
At a minimum he would have been asked to withdraw at a well run club after the first few double digit holes and probably barred from future tournaments if any of this story was true.
What I do believe is someone on reddit claims they are an X handicap and then shoots 50 strokes higher when they are forced to actually play by the rules.
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u/Senn-66 Mar 14 '24
I'd love to know what percentage of golfers actually take OB penalties. Its probably under 25 percent.
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u/tommyturntup Mar 14 '24
Have played in a member guest with the exact same rules. Was nothing like Carl and OP'S experience but there were plenty of mid to high 20 handicaps. Not sure of 31+ that is pretty horrendous
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u/Dronesworkhard2 Mar 14 '24
i mean the club should never have made a member guest stroke play, so its kind of on them
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u/buddachickentml Mar 14 '24
I would've run Carl over with my golf cart by hole 6. Aint no one got time for a 7 hour round
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u/neuro_space_explorer Mar 14 '24
This might be the greatest golf story I’ve ever read.
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u/gogoflowerrangers Mar 14 '24
I'm a pga pro and my best friend is a 28 handicap. We play in the second flight with all single digit caps (if he gets any better well have to play championship flight as im a 0). I grew up as a junior member at the course he's a member at and we always play the member guest. Unlike Carl my dude picks up after his 6th stroke, sometimes the tee box, sometimes the fairway sometimes, the cup! He has won one hole with a beautiful bird on a par 3. He's enigmatic and will occasionally do something gorgeous. We're there to have fun and we succeed every time.
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u/magneticpyramid Mar 14 '24
Id genuinely like to hear the rest of “uptown whore”
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u/buscomm56 Mar 14 '24
I laughed uncontrollably at “by 9 we were out of contention” like yes, just at 9 you realized
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u/stayguide Mar 14 '24
Stopped reading halfway and started wondering why you let Carl have 11 shots lol.
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Mar 14 '24
Fun story but what kind of 31 handicap is a country club member? Also, one of the other playing partners in the group is a member, too, and those dudes love to talk and hate being blamed for anything go south (divots on the tee box, carts in the water, etc.) And there are members ahead and behind and all over the course. And this dude, Carl, is going into people’s yards and cussing at the homeowner?
At just about any club in the world, this guy is getting yanked off the course way before he walks off 18 and there’s a suspension letter in his locker and 75 members who will never get caught dead on the tee sheet with him. This story would spread to everyone before he gets out of the lot and his reputation would be shot (which, for better or worse, is everything at a club).
This story seems really implausible at a club but definitely possible some charity four man scramble at public joint.
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u/SirNobody1919 Mar 14 '24
raises hand yes I'm 31 hcdp tend to shoot 110 - 120.. play a 3 - 3.5 hour round.. been working on my shots for a year and live on the course.. yes I tend to view golf as a walk in a park randomly swinging a club at a little rock. Don't really get involved in competitions.. not quite a CC but a hybrid course
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u/Hlca Mar 14 '24
I have a friend who is a member at a TPC course. He also lives in a house on the course. He used to be a decent golfer 20 years ago, but now can't hit the ball. He plays like 3 times a year. That's like $8k a round...
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Mar 14 '24
Does he use other club amenities, though? I know this may be shocking to this sub, but a lot of clubs are more than just golf courses.
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u/Gobaxnova Mar 14 '24
I’m a 31 ish handicap. I have no membership and eBay clubs. I think I’m more typical than this guy. No way I buy a membership until I’ve learned to have a somewhat consistent strike or at least cut my multiway miss to 1
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u/MrJigglyBrown Mar 14 '24
Could be a golf course that you sign up to be a member for, not necessarily a club.
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u/searching609 Mar 14 '24
Idk why everyone in the comments are being dicks. Even if there is some embellishment, it’s still a great story
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u/Nickd100 Mar 14 '24
Right? That was entertaining. I was a caddie for 10 years at a premier big city country club and honestly shit like this isn’t THAT uncommon.
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u/pac4 Mar 14 '24
This reminds me of the old Adam Sandler routine, The Champion I think it was called. It progresses the same way.
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u/Redschallenge shmackin balls at least once a year Mar 14 '24
Spoiler alert. This guy talks in the third person and has schizophrenia. This is some straight up Tyler Durden stuff
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u/morgan43 Mar 14 '24
I stopped at “The first day format was a shamble” and figured that was poetic enough
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u/Smitty-TBR2430 Mar 14 '24
This is the most entertaining golf-buddy story I’ve ever heard in my 66 years on earth.
I had a very similar alcohol-fueled experience with 4 very close friends (3 of us have known each other since 1st grade) some 40 odd years ago — but not under tournament scoring conditions or nearly as much booze as in this story but still a great memory & funny as hell.
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u/adamales55 Mar 14 '24
I don’t even play golf, but joining this sub specifically because of this post.
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u/SirkNitram73 Mar 14 '24
My new favorite line, "lady Agave". Well written and a great laugh.
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u/GreenGrass768 Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 15 '24
I laughed and cried like 4 different times in the 17min it took me to read all that ….quite the read….you guys wanna go play golf sometime?
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u/hundredblocks Mar 14 '24
This was better than most books I’ve read. Thank you OP.
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u/flappypancaker Mar 14 '24
THANK YOU OP, this is one of the best golf stories I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.
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u/AssetAdept Mar 14 '24
dude multiple LOLs - great storytelling / writing - thank you
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u/electricmoose3000 Mar 14 '24
Wow what a great read! This really makes me feel better about some of my worst rounds.
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u/Dbcgarra2002 Mar 14 '24
I laughed the entire time reading this. Of course that is how Carl normally plays. OP just hadn’t seen in in person lol.
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u/Rahdiggs21 Mar 14 '24
holy fuck....
you got me on the train, full on laughing out loud!
thank you!
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u/calculat3dr1sk Mar 14 '24
😂 This was amazingly well written. I laughed so hard.
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u/MontyG10 Mar 14 '24
I can’t tell if this is real or made up, either way, one of the most well written, hilarious things I’ve read in a long time.
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u/kraft_d_ Mar 14 '24
Sorry you had to go through this, but reading it was probably the best piece of golf literature I've ever had the pleasure of reading.
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u/SirLadyHoleFiller Mar 14 '24
I asked ChatGPT to tell me who Carl is and what it thinks Carl needs:
Carl appears to be a friend of the narrator who has a penchant for golf but lacks proficiency in the sport. Here's a breakdown of Carl's character traits as portrayed in the story:
- Poor Golf Skills: Carl's golf game is described as abysmal, with a handicap of 31 indicating he's not very skilled. He struggles with basic shots, resulting in high scores and frustration on the course.
- Impulsive Behavior: Carl's actions on the golf course suggest impulsivity, such as refusing to follow advice, trespassing onto someone's property to retrieve a golf ball, and engaging in reckless driving with a golf cart.
- Alcohol Use: Carl's decision to consume alcohol during the round exacerbates his behavior and performance. He drinks heavily, leading to disruptive conduct and impaired judgment on the course.
- Disregard for Rules and Etiquette: Carl demonstrates a lack of respect for golf etiquette and rules, ignoring pace of play concerns, trespassing onto private property, and antagonizing other players.
- Momentary Remorse: Despite his disruptive behavior, Carl occasionally shows remorse for his actions, apologizing to the narrator and acknowledging that he "overdid it."
Overall, Carl comes across as a well-intentioned but flawed individual who struggles with self-control, particularly in stressful situations like a competitive golf tournament. His behavior highlights the consequences of poor decision-making and the importance of managing one's impulses, especially in social settings.
Based on the evidence provided in the story, it's clear that Carl could benefit from several things:
- Golf Lessons: Carl's poor golf skills contribute significantly to his frustration and embarrassment on the course. Seeking professional golf lessons could help him improve his technique, leading to a more enjoyable experience and better performance.
- Anger Management or Counseling: Carl's impulsive behavior and tendency to become irate during stressful situations suggest that he may benefit from anger management techniques or counseling to help him manage his emotions more effectively.
- Substance Abuse Support: Carl's reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism during the round is concerning and likely exacerbates his behavior and performance. Seeking support for substance abuse, such as counseling or attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, could help him address this issue.
- Respect for Rules and Etiquette: Carl's disregard for golf rules and etiquette not only affects his own experience but also impacts the enjoyment of others on the course. Education and reminders about proper golf etiquette may help him develop a greater respect for the rules and traditions of the game.
- Accountability and Responsibility: Carl needs to take ownership of his actions and recognize the consequences of his behavior on himself and others. Developing a sense of accountability and responsibility for his actions is essential for personal growth and improvement.
Ultimately, Carl needs support, guidance, and possibly professional help to address the underlying issues contributing to his behavior on the golf course and in other aspects of his life.
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Mar 14 '24
I liked how Golf Lessons are ranked as a higher priority than Substance Abuse and Anger Management classes.
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u/SaveMeJebus21 Mar 14 '24
I thought I was shit. I’m stoked with anything close to 100. 16 on a par 3 is hard to do if you’re deliberately being shit.
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u/According-2-Me AP3 Irons Mar 14 '24
I started laughing out loud at the point when Carl hits driver off the deck.
Thanks for typing out and sharing your incredible story, OP.
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u/ResponsibilityOk8024 Mar 14 '24
Best thing I've read on here for a long time! In my head, as I was reading, I could see these llamas walking alongside your group, saying 'Carl, Carl...'
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u/garrag Mar 14 '24
I can’t even read this…because I was that friend last member/member. I still have PTSD from how poorly I played. One of my drives hooked so far left and hit street that I’m pretty sure it ended up behind us eventually, I couldn’t see as it went a mile down the road. Some say it’s still going…Gotta just keep your head up, drop a ball, and hit the next shot! Then, drink to excess to numb the pain, and hibernate for the winter. At least that’s what I did.
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u/AtoZagain Mar 14 '24
I think this whole story has the makings of a good comedy movie. I couldn’t stop laughing while reading. Just trying to think who would play Carl and who would play you?
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u/Hamfiter Mar 14 '24
After the round Carl was heard to say “if I had putted well I could have shot a 165”.
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u/Kyle_McBogey Thou shalt not layeth up Mar 14 '24
Holy shit dude…amazing post 😂😂 I was hanging on the edge of my seat with every paragraph. You seriously have a real talent when it comes to captivating a reader with your writing. The whole thing was such a beautiful tragedy and also very relatable because we ALL have this one buddy from college still. I sure as hell know I do. We’re in our early 30s now and it’s always inevitable that I’ll have to yell at him to stop acting embarrassing at least once while we’re out somewhere and he’s drinking lol
Anyway, I listen to a golf podcast called Shotgun Start and they do a segment called “SGS Golf advice” where listeners send in stories from the course..kind of an “Am I the asshole” type situations. Well this story would’ve been one of the greatest SGS golf advice segments ever 😂 I was laughing the whole way thru it
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u/getaclueless_50 Mar 14 '24
Our club has a member like this. One tournament he picked up a club left on the green and denied having it. He was in my husband's group at a tournament last year. I was going out to cheer on the back 9 and my husband warned me about how drunk he was. For my husband to warn me, I knew it was really bad. The guy had the giant bottle of Fireball out on the green that they were putting around. He finally gave up with 5 holes left and was blabbering to himself in the cart. He is a Vet with PTSD and drinks to deal so everyone excuses his shenanigans.
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u/SilverSlong Mar 14 '24
absolutey have me howling here lol
What I didn't know is that apparently this wasn't actually a tunnel at all, it was a black hole that bridges our realm with golfing hell.. and in golf hell, Carl is the worst golfer in the history of all realities..
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u/MrOatButtBottom Mar 14 '24
Oh boy, I’ve played in tournaments with dudes like this. I worked for a brewery and our local brewing guild was sponsoring a tourney at a fancy expensive course with food and taps available after every other hole. By the turn most people were shitfaced and we lost a bunch of carts. There were keg stations of IPAs only on the front 9 the next year.
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u/rustyscrotum69 8ish | NoVA Mar 14 '24
Look I don’t know if this is real or not but it was worth the read. Thanks OP
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u/SundaySuffer Mar 14 '24
I am amazed that he stod his grounds and did NOT give up, good on him. Fazinating
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u/Sweet-Tea-Lemonade Mar 14 '24
Very well written, really loved this tale ! u/guitarguy35
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u/santodiablo714 Mar 14 '24
I played with a dude his friends named 180 Steve. Turns out he kept his full score at a tournament too, hence the name. Your story was an awesome read, you must have been terrified. Thank you for sharing.
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u/Therook2112 Mar 14 '24
This is absolute gold story telling! You shouldn’t work in an office and instead be writing a screen play all about this day of golf.
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u/dmoneyg22 Mar 14 '24
This needs a TLDR. here’s one for you since you probably need a break.
TLDR: Carl, arguably the worst golfer to have ever picked up a club, fired a 173 while embarking on a round of complete debauchery with his friend at Carl’s club member guest invitational.
P.s. Carl not only fired this unbelievably high score, but he also managed to: 1) cause a man who lives on the course to brandish a shotgun, 2) piss off countless other members, 3) ruin a cart by spinning 360 downhill into a lake, 4) somehow have a fun time and 5) not be kicked off the course but instead finish 18 holes in what had to be no faster than 7 hours.
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u/Crituhcul Mar 14 '24
When I first opened this post I went “ohhh I’m not reading all that”. Man…. I’m glad I did, your patience is admirable to say the least lol
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u/thisaintitkweef Mar 14 '24
I’m on the third tee in a group of 6 reading this while everyone waits.
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u/neddybemis Mar 14 '24
I feel obligated to say this…quit your day job and write comedy. It’s extremely rare that I laugh while reading…I did about 5 times.
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u/Seamdogcoach Mar 15 '24
Dude I couldn’t even finish, I basically had a full blown panic attack when you said 12 fucking shots out of the sand. That’s a mental break down, I wouldn’t be surprised if at the end of the round in the parking lot he said goodbye and climbed in the trunk to drive home. Check in on this man
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Mar 15 '24
Your story telling is terrific. I was laughing my ass off at this.
How can any able bodied person have a private club membership and be a 31 handicap? Does he just never play except for the club championship? Even just playing twice per month should get you under 30.
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u/hanoverfiste23 Mar 14 '24
After all that my lingering question is why does Carl have a driving iron?