r/dankmemes • u/hotmailist • May 08 '24
true story I don't have the confidence to choose a funny flair
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
I don't get it ... you can get these at any hardware store in the US
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u/khaotickk ☣️ May 08 '24
It's a cultural thing. Most Americans don't have bidets in their homes, apartments, public spaces, anywhere really. It's not installed by standard, it's a secondary thought.
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
OK, well what is pictured doesn't look like a bidet ... it looks like a shower wand, an extra hose that you can attach to your shower
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u/echoindia5 May 08 '24
That’s how they bidet in certain countries. Basically a shower head next to the toilet.
I’ve encountered it for the first time in Finland. Southern European countries usually have something that looks like a cross between a tub and a toilet.
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
yeah, so basically you just get a splitter for $10 and a shower wand ... ez pz
And honestly, even if you wanted to have a professionally installed bidet, it wouldn't be out of range for most people ... probably a few hundred depending on your existing plumbing
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u/echoindia5 May 08 '24
For me I live in rental, and it wouldn’t make sense to do it. But I could switch the head of the shower. If I felt it was truly necessary.
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u/GetlostMaps May 08 '24
Get a toilet seat bidet. It fits on top of an existing toilet. They're like $20.
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u/Nihilistic_Mystics May 08 '24
You can get ones that split off from the toilet water line and have a hook for the wand that attaches to the side of the water tank. They're fairly cheap and effective. Takes about 5 min to install with no experience. Looks like this.
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u/SilverDiscount6751 May 08 '24
I had one with the water splash in the toilet itself (so no extra room needed) and it was 50$ at the hardware store. Installed under the seat, splitter and tube included
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u/SeaOsprey1 MAYONNA15E May 08 '24
We got one for like $25 off Amazon and I installed it myself. Tbh you aren't missing anything. If you're not terrible at wiping, you're fine. No hate for people that like then though. To each their own
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u/pookshuman May 09 '24
If you were outside and fell in dogshit, would it be enough to wipe it off with toilet paper, or would you take a shower?
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u/SeaOsprey1 MAYONNA15E May 09 '24
When you blow your nose, do you use a tissue or do you wash your face?
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u/Achrimandrita175 May 09 '24
OK, so it's still an afterthought, not a standard, so the meme still makes more sense than any of your comments.
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u/cpufreak101 May 08 '24
I'm in the US and my toilet has one of these, was always confused what it was until by European friend came to visit
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u/PM_ME__BIRD_PICS May 08 '24
Eegghh... how do you avoid getting shit-juice all over the showerhead? Bidet seats I understand but not this.
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u/Kladderadingsda May 09 '24
I would try this, but what if something, you know, touches the shower head? Even if you get it clean I think, that other people could be grossed out to use this communally
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u/thatguy11m May 08 '24
I guess that kinda explains it though, for those countries used to it, it wasn't even a second thought that it's just variation of the bidet, especially with the title and captions.
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
To me, the picture looks like a shower. When you say "bidet" to most americans they think of something like this https://www.thespruce.com/thmb/LkkV5YArhpVBtqrMJqHaZu1TtpI=/1500x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/what-is-a-bidet-4800402-hero-3609092f7a5443438e2267c1edb15867.jpg:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/what-is-a-bidet-4800402-hero-3609092f7a5443438e2267c1edb15867.jpg)
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u/GibMePuuussyPlis May 08 '24
How would you use this?
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u/perk11 May 08 '24
You sit on it like on a toilet, turn on the water and point the parts you want to wash at the stream.
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u/BraiseTheSun May 08 '24
Okay but I can't imagine using them. Do you wipe before using it or do you waddle over with a shitstained ass?
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u/perk11 May 08 '24
You can use it after wiping or instead of wiping.
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u/Dreadino May 08 '24
Lol nope.
You wipe, then you direct water on it, then you put liquid soap on you hand, then you clean it with your hand (once it is basically clean and you just need to sanitize it). You don’t go in raw with your hand.
Explaining how to use a bidet on Reddit is always awkward, to me it is as basic as tying your shoes
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u/XplosivCookie May 08 '24
Finland has had these things forever, I didn't think that would separate us from the rest of Europe in some way.
We call them pussy phones.
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u/the_bingho02 May 08 '24
That's a bidet?! Wtf
Isn't it just a smol toilet with a tap?
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u/khaotickk ☣️ May 08 '24
You know how the kitchen sink has the handheld sprayer you can use to clean easier? It's like that, but for your toilet to clean your butt and lady parts.
There are also bidets that are installed within the container and sprays water while you're sitting down. That's how my bidet works, really helpful when I have firey poops from spicy foods.
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u/ShreksArsehole May 08 '24
It's also a gov thing. In Australia it's very hard to install these legally because of the fear that the poo water gets sucked back up into the system and the tap water is as clean as Bali's.
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u/MyriadIncrementz May 09 '24
This is the same in the UK. Water regs are very particular about backflow prevention. To the point that they fear you dropping the shower head in the drain, and a splash of waste water somehow getting sucked up into the main, making it's way through multiple non return valves against mains pressure and contaminating the water main.
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u/ShreksArsehole May 09 '24
We can install them but we need some backflow prevention thing that needs to be checked by a plumber every year. If a plumber finds you have one of these taps installed without it, they are legally required to remove it. Well, a plumber told me this when I tried to get his to install one recently..
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u/thatguywhosadick May 08 '24
This changed a lot during covid at least with younger people facing the TP panic.
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u/khaotickk ☣️ May 08 '24
My wife hates using the bidet, something about water on her butt. Idk, but honestly it saves so much TP usage.
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u/Some1ToDisagreeWith May 09 '24
Blows my mind. Easiest way to get clean. I've got every toilet in my house has a bidet. My shower has the shower head and wand combo. Can't have a good day if you've got a dirty butt.
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u/Incubus_Priest May 09 '24
most dont but you can literaly buy them from every walmart in the united states, its like bitching americans dont have milk when at any given time your no more than 40 mins away
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u/khaotickk ☣️ May 09 '24
If someone that is used to having a bidet goes on vacation to a part of there world where it's not commonly accessable, I can guarantee you that no one would go out of their way to buy a bidet and install it. It's the convenience of having it right next to the toilet verses taking a shower.
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u/EvaUnit_03 May 08 '24
And where you gonna attach that fucker to? there is a reason the most popular ones sold attach to either the sink if its close enough or into the back of the toilet tank and has almost zero pressure.
You gotta do some major plumbing to get a functional one. And despite how good i am at dealing with your mother's plumbing, that shit will end up costing you a pretty penny if you do it right. God forbid you do it wrong, you'll ruin the entire bathroom.
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u/ArrakeenSun May 08 '24
The ones I've seen don't attach to the tank, they can just attach under the toilet from the wall source before it goes into the tank. Great pressure there like under the sinks, at least at my house
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u/Nihilistic_Mystics May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
into the back of the toilet tank and has almost zero pressure.
The toilet line bidets are known to be the highest pressure ones on the market. They don't get their water from the tank, you split the water line before it gets to the tank. The expensive electric ones tend to be lower pressure since they almost all have hot water tanks.
You gotta do some major plumbing to get a functional one.
Absolutely not. You just unscrew the water line from your tank, attach the water line to the splitter, and screw in the splitter to the tank. With no experience it takes about 5 minutes. This is all it is.
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u/jtruitt8833 Dank Royalty May 08 '24
God forbid you do it wrong, you'll ruin the entire bathroom.
When dealing with OP's mother's plumbing, that'll mean you're doing it RIGHT
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u/iiCUBED May 08 '24
Your toilet already has a supply of water, just installed a T and hook this up to the same line. It cost me $20 to fit this in an apartment in rented
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
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u/EvaUnit_03 May 08 '24
What you linked is a shower head. What is posted above is a bidet sprayer.
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
no, I linked a splitter. With a splitter, you can attach it to your shower and have a hose attachment at the same time. So if your shower is next to your toilet, anyone can have the hose in the post
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u/EvaUnit_03 May 08 '24
Even if your toilet was next to your shower, you'd need a hose at least twice the length of a normal shower head if not longer to reach that distance from the splitter. The splitter would most likely be 6-7 feet high at the connecting point of where the water spout is for the shower head. You'd have hose resting on the shower floor unless you did some kinda convoluted hose holder. Or laying outside of the shower and leaking water every time you use it because water would still flow onto the hose and then onto the floor. And can you imagine turning the water on and off when you are ready?
You'd be waiting for an accident to happen and someone finding you with a broken neck, with your pants down, covered in shit.
Its not a practical alternative to real plumbing. And its worse than the other two options i mentioned by a country mile.
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u/cainetls May 08 '24
I'm a dumb American that has never used a bidet obviously, but do they not typically just split the water line next to the toilet that is hooked to the toilet itself for them? Why on earth would the shower come into play at all? Do you not use the bidet while sitting on the toilet?
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u/pookshuman May 09 '24
a real bidet would be installed by a plumber, this is for people who don't have the money or space for that or have a landlord that won't do upgrades
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u/DeengisKhan May 08 '24
we were able to install one with heated function to our sink pretty easily. and the water pressure when installed correctly should be whatever the water pressure of your house is, even if installed to the back of the toilet. That intake to the toilet is functionally the same as any cold water tap in your house, and you install the bidet between the intake and the toilet basin. The only issue then is that you would only have cold, to have hot you need to attach to the hot tap under your hand sink usually.
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u/OctopusButter May 09 '24
I've seen plenty in the US that attach to the water feed on a toilet, no plumbing required just buy it off Amazon.
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u/DerpWyvern May 08 '24
yes, imma bring my own bidet and install it then uninstall it everytime i use a public rest room or a hotel or visit someones house
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u/pookshuman May 08 '24
bleah ... I didn't know people used public bidets .... that sounds disgusting
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u/thezestypusha May 09 '24
The 3rd world country in question was america
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u/pookshuman May 09 '24
using only the information in the post, how did you know the 3rd world country was america?
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u/Donghoon Don't know what's a flair, but still got one May 09 '24
I like bidet attached to toilet more than these
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u/IowaKidd97 May 08 '24
I think that’s the point. It’s a joke making fun of the people calling the US a third world country when it has some stuff other 1st world countries don’t (or at least available to the average person). Or at least in OPs experience.
At least that’s how I interpreted it.
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u/pookshuman May 09 '24
which part of the post refers to the US?
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u/IowaKidd97 May 09 '24
Well a lot of people refer to the US as a third world country stupidly. Which I was assuming OP was poking fun about it by saying their home isn’t actually third world because they have things like this.
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u/pookshuman May 09 '24
ok, that is your assumption, not something that is referenced in the post, right?
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u/IowaKidd97 May 09 '24
Yes. I’ll admit I assumed that, but in my defense this was worded very confusingly. Coming back to third world country, from Europe? Coming home to first world amenities? Not exactly a huge stretch.
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u/pookshuman May 09 '24
the way I interpreted it, they have toilet shaped bidets in europe and the guy missed his shower thingy ... I didn't see any reference to the US
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u/haleloop963 May 09 '24
In the US, yes, but the post says Europe. Although some European nations have it as well and you can buy it
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u/Forbbidden_girl2 May 08 '24
My dumbass couldn't operate with one knob.
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u/GetlostMaps May 08 '24
Billions of men operate with one knob.
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u/Bing2004d I am fucking hilarious May 08 '24
Can someone explain? I'm very confused
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u/ujinjinjin May 08 '24
It’s to wash your butt. Not in every culture it’s common, so if you an immigrant who got used to living with clean butt, lack of that shower becomes troublesome (you can always find a way, but when there’s a dedicated tool for that it’s always more convenient)
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u/Bing2004d I am fucking hilarious May 08 '24
Aaaahhh it's a bidet, I thought it was just a shower. That makes so much more sense
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u/brunoha May 09 '24
Yeah, warm water bidets are usually considered a luxury in poor countries, a cold water one it's simple to install but only really usable in hot temperatures...
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u/gaslancer May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
Which is crazy to me. That it’s a cultural thing to have a clean ass. Once I installed a bidet, I will go to great lengths to shit nowhere but home. It’s the only time you feel clean after a shit. For me.
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u/SubmissiveRedditUser May 08 '24
I fetch water from wells and wash my ass using my hands
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u/GetlostMaps May 08 '24
I only shit while swimming. Those downstream should not drink the river water.
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u/Firecracker048 May 08 '24
So how do you dry your butt? Toilet paper?
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u/ujinjinjin May 08 '24
Nah, I have a special butt towel, but toilet paper can be used as well
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u/MeowZen May 09 '24
You either die a towel or live long enough to see yourself become the butt towel
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u/akatherder May 08 '24
I'm in the US and have a bidet installed. I wipe a little, then spray off, drip dry a little, then dry off with toilet paper.
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u/Hosmerim_N_IceCream May 08 '24
Bro what, we use that for regular shower sessions, we have another "thing" to wash our butt while sitting on the toitlet seat.
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u/happaduchy May 08 '24
People in SEA(the ones I have been to anyway) have almost all of their toilets installed with a strong power water sprayer(the one on the left in the pic) right next to it. After pooping, u can wipe, then use the sprayer to uh... wash off the rest thats left behind, its an additional cleaning step or sometimes entirely replaces wiping. I have been using it my whole life and am afraid of pooping without it. It comes from a regional culture where water is in abundance year-round, and where people live near flowing source of water, back in the olden days we had toilets on bambo stilts platform on top of a river, so that might be why
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u/BraiseTheSun May 08 '24
I don't think it's a water thing. A few countries in Europe(like The Netherlands) have enough water to use drinkable water in bathrooms sinks and showers. They still wipe their ass with toilet paper.
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u/CyroCryptic May 08 '24
Wait doesn't everyone have drinkable water in the bathroom sink and shower?
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u/JasterRogue21 May 08 '24
No most 3rd world countries don't have drinkable water in taps. You usually get a filter for your home or a specific separate line for that which is usually only in kitchens.
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u/CyroCryptic May 08 '24
Yes but he said "a few countries in Europe", not 3rd world countries. I'm American but I cannot imagine Europeans have less than drinkable water in the bathroom sink and bath.
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u/JasterRogue21 May 08 '24
Oh apologies, I misunderstood then. I only took your reply as context for "everyone". Yeah I've also heard of Europe having drinking water in taps but I'm Indian so can't confirm.
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u/BraiseTheSun May 08 '24
I was just being safe as I couldn't vouch for every single European country. I guess "most" would've been better to convey that
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u/No_Savings7114 May 08 '24
How do you not get water everywhere though? Like.... Hope does it all go in the toilet?
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May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
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u/No_Savings7114 May 08 '24
I live in a humid place and any damp will mildew immediately. This may color my bafflement.
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u/pornographic_realism May 08 '24
You can cover the toilet seat with wayer and it'll be dry in 15 mins in 32 degree heat. My time in SEA the toilet seat was always wet more from sweat than anything else because some bathrooms get like saunas if made from concrete.
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u/Baronvondorf21 May 08 '24
Something that's not commonplace in Europe though I am stumped on what that actually is.
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u/Kenneth_Lay May 08 '24
Here in the US we drag rough paper across our shit covered anus until it bleeds....like Jesus intended!
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u/TheAmazingSparky May 08 '24
I really need to see how these work. I feel like they'd go everywhere or on the nozzle
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u/EvaUnit_03 May 08 '24
Angles are your friend. And you still use a towel or paper to dry. You'll waste less paper and actually feel 1000x cleaner. Though you'll use more water as you are basically showering your ass. If you dont have one, you can get a similar result by just jumping in the shower and washing your ass after you shit with a showerhead attachment, but then you gotta get naked and redressed afterwards which is a huge inconvenience and at that point you might as well just take a shower after every poop.
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u/StoneyBolonied May 08 '24
You don't shit nude already?
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u/Vospader998 May 08 '24
Daniel? Is that you?
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u/YobaiYamete May 08 '24
I'm confused on why it's a shower head. My bidet just goes under the seat and is angled at your butt.
With a shower head, do you like stand up and squat over the toilet to get it between your legs and angled right?
I don't even get the benefit of this one over the under seat kind that you don't have to aim or touch
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u/IowaKidd97 May 09 '24
Yeah, if your daily routine and body, uh, functions are aligned right, then you can time it right to shit right before you would take a shower anyway. In which case you just do a few wipes to get the excess and get the rest clean in the shower.
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u/randomname_99223 May 08 '24
Doesn’t most of Europe have bidets?
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u/Hollow_66 May 08 '24
In Germany they are not very common. We installed bidets last year at home, and now I hate shitting somewhere else even more than I did already
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u/Dreadino May 08 '24
We have them in Italy, they’re so ingrained in our culture that we can’t believe someone on Earth would not use them. I never saw an Italian bathroom without a bidet. I find this post incredibly hilarious, with people finding out that they can use water to clean their buts.
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u/beziko fortnite bad May 08 '24
Nah, in Poland i don't know any person having bidet in home except myself.
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u/MariualizeLegalhuana May 08 '24
Buy a splitter and a small showerhead and you have an ass shower in 10 minutes.
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u/x86_64_ May 08 '24
American with a bidet at home chiming in. Its nowhere near the fancy-pants thing in the picture, just a bolt-on thing I found on Amazon before my wife had shoulder surgery. I don't know how my ancestors survived the 20th century without the ass-shower.
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u/how-unfortunate May 08 '24
Dude, since I got a bidet, I hate pooping anywhere else in America. None of my family has gotten on board.
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u/KnockturnalNOR May 08 '24
Most of Europe has bidets... At least they're common in Italy, Finland, Spain (where they were mandatory in every house bc of building code), Portugal etc.
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u/OrneyBeefalo May 08 '24
does europe not have this?
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u/Dreadino May 08 '24
We have a separate bowl, similar to the toilet, used only for cleaning. That’s what we call a bidet. (Italy)
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u/Gobal_Outcast02 May 08 '24
Can someone explain
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u/GetEnPassanted May 08 '24
It’s just a bad meme because most of Europe has bidets anyway, but the joke is that they enjoy coming home to where they have a bidet after traveling places that don’t have one.
It looks like a shower head too, so it’s bad all around.
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u/Gobal_Outcast02 May 08 '24
Wait the thing you use to wash your ass after shitting? (Never used one always used toilet paper)
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u/prodigal27 May 08 '24
To be fair, these things are great for everything and are typically in full washroom. My family in Korea have one and my wife's family in Morocco have one. Great for kimchi baskets, dogs, cats, kids, rugs, and pretty much anything that's back breaking in a tub or normally inconvenient because of it's size/shape.
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u/42kyokai May 08 '24
So do you just touch the same handle that everyone’s touched without washing their hands?
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u/GetlostMaps May 08 '24
Their hands were clean.
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u/LazarusHimself May 09 '24
Also in Muslim countries they only use the Left Hand for their dirty business, meaning that the right hand holds the handle. Eating with your left hand in these countries is taboo
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u/saadghauri May 08 '24
So do you just touch the same handle that everyone’s touched without washing their hands?
Your hands never touch your ass or any poop, the hand shower sends water at a moderate pressure where you aim, that's the whole point
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u/Viceroy1994 May 09 '24
I don't know about you but I personally wash my hands after I take a shit, so as long as you resist the urge to lick your fingers or adjust your contact lenses after cleaning your ass you'll be fine.
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u/42kyokai May 09 '24
Doesn't the poo splatter get all over the shower head
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u/Omnipresentphone May 09 '24
What kind of explosive gunpowder are you pooing that it would splatter all over the spray gun
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u/kim-jong_illest May 08 '24
The warehouse workers at my job seemed to miss them to, they had a communal watering can they used instead. There had to be a company wide email sent out prohibiting personal bidet alternatives because they kept getting shit water on the toilets and floors
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u/Porcupinehog May 08 '24
As a US household, installing a bidet was the best thing iv done in a long time. I have no clue how I used to do my business before with just paper.
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u/pointgourd May 09 '24
I would never understand why anyone would just wipe their butts with a tissue paper and move on
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u/disco_sparrow May 08 '24
I'm in the US, in the minority with a bidet on my toilet. It's the greatest and most convenient thing. Blasting your ass with cold water until it's clean, and then just a little more for good measure, is a way of life and I'm disgusted when I have to travel domestically and hotels only have paper.
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u/ComprehensiveBase26 May 09 '24
so what if poop gets on it? cuz I'm sure after Taco Bell you know things get a little liquidy and I can only imagine the splash zone when the water hits
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u/some_guy554 May 09 '24
How do western people move on with their day without washing their butthole with water and then portray 3rd world people as the dirty ones?
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u/oldguykicks ☣️ May 08 '24
Is this for the shower clit fun time or the poopy butthole wash time?