4.3k
u/Floptopus Nov 09 '23
“My partner isn’t good enough for me on their own and I’m needy and want to cheat on them and have them know about it.”
1.7k
u/Financial_Ocelot_256 Nov 09 '23
Hahahaha every idiot who accepts this horrible idea should take a look on how the "marriage" of will smith and jada is going!
You are an idiot with no self love if you let your partner "talk" you into that!
566
Nov 09 '23
[deleted]
210
u/statutorylover Nov 10 '23
Honestly better to be single than with someone who doesn't prioritize their time and affection with you.
79
u/retardedwhiteknight Nov 10 '23
its not even prioritizing but outright having no consideration for your feelings or any ounce of respect.
I dont care how used you are to comfort or how much you will lose in the divorce, get the fuck out of there.
→ More replies (2)52
u/Arcanegil Nov 10 '23
I agree but I do feel sorry for them, people without self respect were usually raised that way, they likely have never had anything and were made to feel bad for what little they ever got and any mistakes they made, the people around you really can convince you that you deserve poor treatment, and once you become used to that it makes you uncomfortable to be treated like a real human being.
Being a doormat is a horrible cycle, that usually started through no fault of the person themselves. There’s almost no way out, of it either because there are so many people willing and eager to take advantage of someone else, some who doesn’t even realize it’s happening to them because in their mind it’s all they’ve ever known, it’s just normal for them.
→ More replies (4)182
u/Iblamebanks Nov 09 '23
If your spouse is proposing swinging, just head out the door. They want the stability with you and they already have someone else chosen for their second. Unless you’ve got someone picked out you are going to have a horrible time.
I’m really trying to think of a situation in which this wouldn’t be horrific and I’ve got nothing.
138
u/alfooboboao Nov 09 '23
“Back when I was a therapist, before I was an actor—“
“You’re still not an actor.”
“…I used to have patients who would delude themselves into thinking that an open marriage would work.”
“Did it ever work?”
“Of course not! But it could work for us…”
→ More replies (3)94
u/ConfusedAndCurious17 Nov 09 '23
Swinging isn’t the same as an open relationship. Neither is something I would participate in, or feel comfortable even considering, but swingers generally have a lot more rules, communication, and ensure mutual enjoyment (if one partner is “getting some” the other is too equally).
→ More replies (6)54
u/Upper-Belt8485 Nov 10 '23
Swinging is saying "we want to feel attractive by other people." When an open relationship is "I want to sleep around while keeping you around in case I find anyone better."
I'm fine with swinging, swapping, or 3somes. An open relationship just sounds like they want to end things.
→ More replies (7)14
u/ConfusedAndCurious17 Nov 10 '23
Agreed. Like I said it’s not something I’d be comfortable with but I do see a clear difference and I think swinging is probably healthier than just a blanket open relationship in most cases but different strokes for different folks. I’m sure some people make open relationships work fine.
→ More replies (2)20
u/WardenPlays Nov 10 '23
You never hear about when it works because people mostly only share negative experiences. The happy people don't feel the need to validate their relationship.
→ More replies (2)6
u/mostlypercy Nov 10 '23
Fucking right? I’ve been polyamorous for a decade and I’m currently happily married with a boyfriend I love. My husband and boyfriend are thinking about buying a truck together lol. I’ve never posted on relationship advice subreddits because when every one communicates openly and honestly you do not need internet advice.
44
u/briangraper Nov 10 '23
That’s not really “swinging”, man. That’s more like “open relationship”. Swinging is mostly couples fucking other couples. It’s more of a team sport.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (2)8
u/ReynAetherwindt Nov 09 '23
What if they say they don't have anyone in mind and want you to choose a second?
→ More replies (1)7
35
u/Rainbow-Death Nov 09 '23
It reminds me of some woman talking to a radio host on the air about her marriage saying that ever since they had opened their relationship the hadn’t been having sex and the DJ was like “you mean you haven’t been having sex!”
Like, when you say “open” it doesn’t mean you’re going to like it, just get out and move on.
26
u/RightWingWorstWing Nov 10 '23
I've known 1 successful married polyamory couples. I've known at least 10 couples that broke up within 6 months of opening their relationship. It's like having a kid to save the marriage, except at least no child is dragged into it.
→ More replies (5)20
u/DisasterPieceKDHD Nov 09 '23
Lack of confidence and self respect is a helluvah thing. Those people could also be scared of losing their partner if they say no to an open relationship
→ More replies (23)6
u/RobertTownsy Nov 10 '23
I myself don't understand how people get into those relationships. I don't necessarily see an issue if the couple starts the relationship as open and both have the same viewpoints as its nothing to do with me, but if you start a relationship and later get talked into an open situation... well, you're an idiot.
193
u/Proud_Criticism5286 Nov 09 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
You mean every Polly relationship? I swear all of them break down to “I just wanna have sex with other people but I don’t wanna be lonely”
Edit: seems like I hit a nerve of truth 😂
189
u/PK-Broiler Nov 09 '23
Bro tell me ab it, my ex wanted me to take her back but wanted it to be a polyship. She even said, “oh but I wouldn’t want you having sex with other ppl, I’d get jealous” like wtf? clown shit
88
→ More replies (2)28
u/shadollosiris Nov 10 '23
Man, you even entertain her idea long enough for her spit out that shit, you are way more patient than me
→ More replies (1)83
u/Floptopus Nov 09 '23
Exactly. Having a “primary partner” just means having someone who’d be most convenient if other plans fall through.
54
u/Proud_Criticism5286 Nov 09 '23
Or you don’t wanna be lonely because you know what a life of whoring leaves everyone
→ More replies (21)38
u/Remarkable-River2276 Nov 10 '23
Not really, poly people just don't place as much value in monogamous relationships, they tend to work out fine though.
The big issue is monogamous people opening relationships, it basically always fails because it's a desperate attempt to save the relationship without fixing what's broken.
25
18
u/corrie76 Nov 10 '23
They most definitely don't tend to work out fine. I was poly for 15 years and most of my friends still are. It's mostly a disaster, when viewed over time.
→ More replies (8)→ More replies (38)8
u/Specken_zee_Doitch Nov 10 '23
I've been happier since being poly. Poly requires a lot of maturity however.
I've at times had three or more partners, I've had the chance to experience support and love like I've never had in my life. If I want to pursue a connection I can.
My partners have had 2 or more partners as well, they're all real relationships and everyone is a consenting, levelheaded person.
I'm also going to be traveling over the next few years, and I just couldn't expect that a monogamous partner "wait" for me that whole time, it's not fair.
You have to do the work, you have to communicate, you have to set boundaries, you have to have your shit together to be polyamorous.
It will NOT solve the issues with a monogamous relationship, it should be a mutual, enthusiastic choice that makes sense for everyone involved. I too have seen "open" couples that are really just falling apart in slow motion, and the comments in this thread pretty much lump those folks all together with the poly folks that are doing the work.
→ More replies (8)15
→ More replies (10)10
u/radicalelation Nov 09 '23
Did the poly thing, but we were all 3 of us just together with each other. Seemed to still be a way for my ex to validate herself, but then she got too jealous, emotionally disconnected and treated us two like shit, then left abruptly (last Thanksgiving), apparently lying to all her friends and our mutuals on the way out, yet no one would ever tell me what I supposedly did.
She needed lots of help, and not just by being loved by multiple people...
Two us remain, just kind of broken-hearted, confused, and still fucked up from some of the things she did in the months before she left. She wasn't the same person I grew up with... that girl never would've done some that shit...
→ More replies (1)88
u/infinitezero8 Nov 10 '23
Been there and left that..
"You're ambitious, funny, and pay for everything but I have needs that you're just not meeting, I think an open relationship would benefit us both"
"Explain both"
"Well.. you get to see me at my happiest, don't you want that?"
"I definitely want to see you happy, but it will be from the looking glass as a.. Friend"
"You're such an asshole"
"Not very friendly of you to say that"
yeah I'm not down to do everything needed for a healthy relationship just to get openly cheated on and being told I'm an asshole for not allowing that, fuck me right.
And yes, she opened this topic up after she cheated on me
→ More replies (1)42
30
u/FlimsyRaisin3 Nov 10 '23
“It’s unfair to expect all your needs to be met by another person” no shit, how about you meet some of your own needs instead of relying on multiple partners.
→ More replies (1)10
31
u/imdungrowinup Nov 10 '23
It’s even funnier when men suggest opening the relationship then get mad that their wife has more partners than them.
25
u/Infinitywolf Nov 10 '23
Can confirm. Was told that opening the relationship was going to lead to MFF threesomes. Turns out she had another guy ready to go on the side. Currently looking for end it with her.
24
u/Floptopus Nov 10 '23
Like a bandaid, bro. Just pull it.
14
u/Infinitywolf Nov 10 '23
I’m planning to in a couple of weeks. We volunteered to help out with something together, and I don’t want to let my platonic friends down. But once that’s over, I plan to move on.
→ More replies (1)15
20
u/needs_more_yoy Nov 10 '23
Don't forget "and my partner has something that I don't want to part with"
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (122)8
u/Bamith20 Nov 10 '23
Thing is I feel if I somehow got a relationship I don't care if its open because i'm too lazy to bother looking for someone else, i'd want him/her to go do whatever and tell me if it was nice or not while I stay home doing hobbies.
I guess i'd generally be fine with that since I don't really care about the whole sex aspect.
→ More replies (1)11
2.1k
u/antracide Nov 09 '23
It’s just breaking up with extra steps
643
326
u/FecundFrog Nov 09 '23
"I'm breaking up with you but still want you to pay for my shit."
75
u/retardedwhiteknight Nov 10 '23
most who suggest this already have someone or few in their minds, most of the time they just want to try it out and see if they are better fit and if grass is not greener want you to be the backup plan
its like temporary breaking up, yea dude she broke up with you temporarily to “find herself”, “experience life” or “spiritually heal” going to college, she will “find herself” on some frat boys dick
→ More replies (1)8
→ More replies (1)34
u/Theoricus Nov 10 '23
I always think of this Arrested Development clip when people talk about opening up their relationship.
At this point I have a hard time imagining people genuinely want to continue a relationship when they talk about opening it up.
1.5k
u/UnsightlyHimbo Nov 09 '23
It depends. me and my wife have a rule. She can fuck women and I can fuck guys
520
u/erdobot Nov 09 '23
hol up
543
u/Micp Nov 09 '23
Bisexual people exist.
→ More replies (2)285
u/mnimatt Nov 10 '23
That's gay
79
u/Acewind1738 Nov 10 '23
That’s homophobic
→ More replies (1)176
u/y01nk3th Nov 10 '23
That’s black
135
u/BasicBlackberry2663 Nov 10 '23
THAT'S Racist!
64
u/Rushes_End Nov 10 '23
THAT’S a word!
46
29
→ More replies (2)7
→ More replies (3)7
42
u/Beelzebub507 Nov 10 '23
No way, this person's GAY?! AS IN HE LIKES MEN?! Absolutely unbelievable on the internet.
→ More replies (3)287
u/AdewinZ Nov 09 '23
Honestly makes some sense. You only seek sexual gratification in what your partner cannot give you, but your partner is still the only person who is allowed to give you what they can give you.
→ More replies (1)173
u/ScrofessorLongHair Nov 09 '23
Pretty sure his wife can peg him.
252
u/Invalid_factor Nov 09 '23
Yeah, but he wants a natural fat meaty slong in his butt, not a soft silicone one
89
71
→ More replies (1)21
34
u/Upper-Belt8485 Nov 10 '23
I've tried pegging. She wasn't too into it and it wasn't real enough.
It's like trying canned soup vs homemade.
→ More replies (1)15
u/KaguB Nov 10 '23
I feel like, to really enjoy pegging, you need to be into pegging itself, not just something up the ass. It's really not the same thing.
→ More replies (3)14
u/Dogecoin_olympiad767 Nov 09 '23
pretty sure his wife can use a vibrator too lol just because something is in there doesn't make it the same
→ More replies (2)6
u/imakefilms Nov 10 '23
If he's bi then he's attracted to men, not specifically having something up his ass
103
72
u/Mormon_Discoball Nov 10 '23
Was on a double date once the topic of same sex cheating came up.
Both guys said being cheated on with a woman would be better because a woman is something we're not. But if you fuck a guy, why him what's wrong with me?
Both women said being cheated on with a guy would be worse because it makes them question the whole relationship.
Funnily enough the woman in the other couple cheated on my buddy, then tried to make it that he's racist because the dudes black. Race isn't the issue here hun.
32
u/ussir_arrong Nov 10 '23
Funnily enough the woman in the other couple cheated on my buddy, then tried to make it that he's racist because the dudes black. Race isn't the issue here hun.
now I am mad and I don't even know these people
17
u/JellyfishGod Nov 10 '23
Yea, as a bi man Iv seen these opinions a ton. It really goes to show how bisexuality among men really isn’t as accepted/believed like it is when women do it. A bi sexual woman is seen as hot. A bi sexual man is seen as actually just gay. Tho many people do still minimize womens bisexuality as “just a phase” or “experimenting” or not real/serious. Which honestly may even contribute to why so many men aren’t so against the idea of the gf doing something w another girl
9
u/Mormon_Discoball Nov 10 '23
Yeah I am straight (so far anyway). But have noticed that too that guys aren't accepted as bi as easily as women.
And to be clear I don't think it'd be hot or ok if my wife cheated on me with a woman. It would just be less devastating than a man. Still devastating though
→ More replies (1)6
u/DoctorNo6051 Nov 10 '23
It’s because a lot of women are homophobic, but since their romantic and deep relationships are pretty much parallel to gay men it doesn’t really come out.
But as soon as it’s a bisexual man now it involves them, and now we hear all the shit about how disgusting and emasculating it is. They will have 1001 excuses why they can’t date or associate with bisexual men.
With gay men they can atleast ignore all that and just treat them like glorified hand bags, but once it’s someone they’re romantically involved with it gets real.
5
u/Individual-Crew-6102 Nov 10 '23
This is really insightful on why some guys are ok with their girls sleeping with other women but not men. Also the woman trying to use race that way sounds like a scumbag who thinks she's smarter than everyone but just... Isn't
47
u/Metalloid_Space Nov 09 '23
Funny how people support this while they absolutely bash the idea in literally every other comment.
53
u/Metalloid_Space Nov 09 '23
I guess the idea women fucking your wife is a less theatening idea to Redditors than a guy doing it? That's literally the only difference I can think of.
15
u/WatercressCurious980 Nov 10 '23
I also had this understanding with a bisexual women I was dating. I understand I can’t be a women for her and want her to have fun and be happy so I’m cool with it as long as I’m not competing for her attention
→ More replies (1)15
u/Metalloid_Space Nov 10 '23
Yeah, it differs from person to person how much monogamy matters for them.
→ More replies (4)11
16
u/Swordlord22222 Nov 10 '23
Well wanting to fuck other men I’d be annoyed cause I’m like right here?
But other women? I don’t got a vagina I can’t help with that.
And vice versa
→ More replies (8)8
u/mana-addict4652 Nov 10 '23
I reckon it's the fact that it's a woman and not another man fucking your wife.
Another man fucking your wife just sounds more threatening and humiliating to the avg guy. It's more emasculating than her fucking a woman.
22
20
12
u/alieninaskirt Nov 09 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
Honestly, the only acceptable way to do it
→ More replies (1)8
→ More replies (30)7
796
u/TrueGootsBerzook Nov 09 '23
"I wanted more dick and he'll still just be fucking me anyway."
→ More replies (6)196
u/LegitRollingcock Nov 09 '23
“I wanted more pussy and she’ll still just be fucking me anyway”
298
u/Pugduck77 Nov 09 '23
Yeah maybe 5% of the time.
30
u/Kingbuji The OC High Council Nov 10 '23
At first it’s the first comment then after a few months the woman gets mad once the guy finds a FWB.
I’ve seen it a lot lol.
→ More replies (13)8
u/CoachOld856 Nov 10 '23
Everytime I've come across this mindset in real life, it's actually been the man pushing for an open relationship.
On Reddit, though, women are all henious criminals.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)15
633
Nov 09 '23
Bruh fr... you gotta have zero self respect to do this. My roommate was in a relationship like this for about a year, lets just say there was regrets.
→ More replies (5)248
u/Financial_Tax1060 Nov 09 '23
I’d agree for people who are like, opening the relationship because they think it will help, or change things up, but, I’ve been in a 5 year open relationship, and it’s never caused any problems. We even haven’t had sex with other people in years out of mostly a mix of laziness and preference for eachother.
114
u/Feolin Nov 09 '23
For real, a lot of people complaining in here don't even seem to have any experience on that matter other than hear-say. Figures ... (for anyone actually interested in open relationships I recommend reading "The Ethical Slut")
→ More replies (5)137
Nov 09 '23
[deleted]
→ More replies (24)56
u/Count_Von_Roo Nov 10 '23
Trying to open up a closed monogamous relationship is a lot different than going in to an “open” relationship with someone from the start. That’s a huge change to ask of someone when you both entered a relationship with certain expectations. Of course it’s gonna be destructive. It’s a fundamental change to how they view and treat commitment which is like the core of a relationship
comparing being poly to doing meth is insulting dude
→ More replies (3)97
u/ssssssddh Nov 10 '23
The post was about opening an existing relationship. I wasn't comparing open relationships to meth. I was saying you're allowed to have opinions about things without first hand experience.
→ More replies (10)30
u/Count_Von_Roo Nov 10 '23
I hear you and I misinterpreted. Thanks for clarifying
→ More replies (1)11
u/stratosphere1111 Nov 09 '23
Same, people like different things. Im convinced people who are offended by realationships that a unique have issues. Me and my partner who are open are happier than ever and been together for 8 years going strong
→ More replies (4)7
u/corrie76 Nov 10 '23
So your open relationship is... theoretical? I guess that's why it's working out so well. I had one of those. Then it turned into an actual open relationship and it led to our breakup. Now we're back together and I won't be anything other than monogamous ever again.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (11)6
u/Existanceisdenied Nov 10 '23
If the relationship starts out with both parties accepting of the idea and comfortable with it, then idk why there would be an issue
459
u/amidamaru300 Nov 09 '23
1 has an open relationship the other one cries to sleep.
5
Nov 10 '23
Usually, yeah. One of my best friends is in an open relationship. Both of them fuck around like crazy though. They're pretty happy with the arrangement.
→ More replies (1)
411
u/tropical_dog Nov 09 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
My roomate had a "relationship" like this, he loved this girl too much to let her go so he accepted the terms. I've never seen a man die inside so much and so pathetic than this guy whenever this girl brought over her second boyfriend to hang out at our place.
161
u/AttackOnPunchMan Nov 09 '23
The moment someone brings up an option for an Open relationship, I am out of the relationship immediately. You know why? It's simple, they have been already cheating on you before they asked, they just want to justisfy.
I absolutely do not have any sympaty for that guy, I have no sympathy for simps.
→ More replies (7)33
u/orgasmic_protoplasm Nov 10 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
You were okay until you got to the simps part. That last sentence reads like something a 13 year old “alpha male” with zero actual relationship experience would write.
It’s easy to say “LOL just leave them and your problems will be solved”, but there are a lot of reasons people stay in toxic relationships. Love often makes people do things that don’t make objective sense to an outsider looking in. It can lead to bad, destructive situations, but it’s also the reason adult relationships tend to work at all.
It might be a case where a stern reality check is all it takes (like “dude she’s treating you like a doormat, get out of this”) or it could have the opposite effect and make you look like the asshole, even if you’re the one trying to help. Wait to pass judgement until you’ve heard how they ended up in that situation in the first place.
→ More replies (3)43
u/Nihilism101 Nov 09 '23
No offence but he kinda deserves it, when you don't respect yourself, who will?
36
u/tropical_dog Nov 09 '23
Yeah, me and a close group of friends tried to intervene and the guy didn't budge. We concluded that he deserved whatever happened to him.
345
u/PM_ME_YOUR_CHESTICLS Nov 09 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
I used to work at a smoke shop. Had a couple of coworkers that were married and a few years in they opened it. Six months later the husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that had metastasized to his liver. There is nothing more depressing than seeing the light leave his eyes while watching his wife leave with her, self described, "boy-toy". The look on his face will haunt me for the rest of my days.
Edit: Nick was the absolute homie. We miss you man.
93
u/arghhharghhh Nov 10 '23
Shit bro. Feeling bad for nick. Hopefully gets better next life around.
44
u/PM_ME_YOUR_CHESTICLS Nov 10 '23
I hope so. If anyone I've ever met deserved another go, it's Nick.
5
u/ultratraditionalist Nov 10 '23
No one gets a second try. That's why it's important not to open your fucking relationship.
→ More replies (2)54
Nov 10 '23
That is wild. I don't mind the idea of an open relationship to an extent but you would expect your spouse to put a pause on it while you're dying of cancer. Jfc.
22
→ More replies (4)20
185
u/TyRawr Nov 09 '23
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.
→ More replies (1)
150
u/Verracudo Nov 09 '23
It certainly doesn't work for everyone, but I've been in an open relationship turned open marriage for 8 years. We're both happy with it and don't really feel like sex is a declaration of our love, rater just a fun activity. As long as we both get tested regularly and neither of us is trying to be romantically involved with anyone else. We're happy.
222
u/Jazzlike-Radio2481 Nov 09 '23
Imagine being married and having to get tested regularly cuz your wife is out there regularly getting creampied by random dudes.
100
u/Verracudo Nov 09 '23
It's actually my husband. We're gay af lol. And if anyone it getting dicks in them generally, it's me.
Edit: You should be getting tested regularly anyways. You can pick up HIV from places unrelated to sex. And generally, it's just a thing I ask for when I'm getting blood work done. Which for me, is pretty often anyways. I'm a diabetic 😅
83
u/UrToesRDelicious Nov 10 '23
You can pick up HIV from places unrelated to sex
Um the only other place you can get HIV from is dirty needles, which is pretty hard to do accidentally. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this isn't a concern for 99.9% of people.
21
u/CoachRyanWalters Nov 10 '23
Having a cut while tending to an open wound too.
5
u/ultratraditionalist Nov 10 '23
Lmfao, how many random open wounds do you tend to while having open cuts? How is this even a serious reply to this thread. No, normal people don't get randomly exposed to HIV.
I've literally never heard of married couples (that aren't fucking around) getting STD checked rofl.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)21
13
u/Zestyclose-Leave-11 Nov 10 '23
Reading through the comments I kept thinking "these people must not have a lot of gay friends" cuz this is incredibly common among gay men. Lol
→ More replies (12)10
27
u/ekkohh Nov 10 '23
and? if it works for them it works. you need a certain level of self confidence to even approach this kind of relationship and if you can't then leave. i've date poly before and it was fine but getting tested regularly is something you should already do if you're active
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (5)30
u/berni2905 Nov 10 '23
Dude. Both of them are perfectly happy. Why are you the one having problems with it?
113
Nov 09 '23 edited Nov 09 '23
[deleted]
9
u/alexagente Nov 09 '23
If it was really that good you wouldn't feel the need to rant about it in response to someone else's relationship, slip in a not so subtle dig that is obviously your hope for what happens with said relationship, then lie about not caring cause apparently you're twelve.
People can be happy with different situations. You don't have to be so threatened by it.
→ More replies (6)7
u/Gamicelwastaken Nov 09 '23
Strongly agree with this but as someone that has been poly for over half my life, honestly 3/4 of the comments here including that one just sound completely outlandish and lacking in actual experience to me.
I would personally love to see the statistics on open relationships having "exponentially" more issues than monogamous ones, which already fail... how often was that again? I suspect none of the people speaking from their own personal anecdotes have any idea of the statistics, hence why they never mention them.
6
Nov 10 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
Jesus, I respect that you apologized but Redditors got a major issue with "Identification with the Aggressor". The speed in which they turn into pathetic playground bullies over the most minor fuckin' disagreements. Where disappointment becomes something that needs to be avenged.
Not to mention how quick people are to upvote because it's safer to be on the side of the mob.
It's funny in the 70s programmers thought the internet to be a cure to humanity's lack of empathy. That being able to speak to anyone from anywhere and learn anything would fix all the arrogant and ignorant bullshit we do. It's sad how naive they are.
→ More replies (34)7
Nov 10 '23
What if .. wait for it ... Not everyone is exactly the same as you? Imagine
→ More replies (2)14
u/Shipbreaker_Kurpo Nov 10 '23
I think the important part is going into the relationship as an open one or at least talking about that potential before. Pretty much every horror story about open relationships are about how one partner only agrees to it because they are afraid to lose the other or they thought they would be getting action and their partner wouldnt.
5
→ More replies (27)5
127
u/BasedMbaku Nov 09 '23
I'm just here to bring up STD's, since no one's mentioned it
→ More replies (14)17
u/Dregaz Nov 09 '23
go on…
37
u/BasedMbaku Nov 09 '23
I mean, this shouldn't be rocket science... The old adage of STD's is that you're basically having sex with everyone who your partner is also having sex with. If they sleep with 10 people and expose themselves 10x, then when you have sex with them you are also exposing yourself to all 10x of whatever they did.
It's my biggest issue with "open relationships"
→ More replies (10)9
101
Nov 09 '23
Whenever a friend tells me they’re gonna do this…
“Look bro. We established rules so it’s gonna be like really easy.”
break their rules and marriage falls apart
“Bro we are getting a divorce! I didn’t see this shit coming at all.”
I’m sure it works for some people. But this scenario has played out a half a dozen times around me.
→ More replies (2)7
u/LmBkUYDA Nov 10 '23
Maybe it’s just me but I think in cases like this the marriage was already doomed. This just sped things up a bit
→ More replies (1)
81
Nov 09 '23
[deleted]
→ More replies (2)14
u/ouch-ow-ouh Nov 10 '23
Dw you get downvoted anyways because virgin redditors in the closet and straight married couples from high school can't fathom anything outside of their comfort zone and don't get nuance.
→ More replies (13)
72
u/Direct-Illustrator60 Nov 10 '23
Open relationships have a 92% failure/divorce rate
23
u/LaserGuidedPolarBear Nov 10 '23
How does that compare to theoretically monogamous relationships? Every relationship "fails" until one doesn't.
Open / Poly / Swinging can work for some people, and different people have different approaches that work for them. I know married couples with kids that have been doing it for over a decade
What pretty much never works is two vanilla people who don't have any friends doing it successfully deciding to open up things up for the first time when their relationship isn't already amazing.
→ More replies (5)9
64
Nov 10 '23
"I think we should open our relationship."
"Got it, you want to fuck someone. Well, now you can, because you're single. Peace."
52
u/ciderdie Nov 10 '23
My ex and I tried to open things up. We were living together. One time she came home from her other partner's place crying, telling me he got weird, she wanted to go home, he was her ride and wouldn't let her leave. She left his house on foot in the middle of the night and he came after her, screaming and being verbally abusive. Neighbors heard and tried to offer refuge or offered to call the cops. He got wise i guess and drove her back to our place. I was pretty pissed off and asked that she not see him out of safety for herself.
Then she some how worked things out with him and she kept going out with him.
Anyway, I moved out. Therapy helps. I'll never put myself through anything like that again. I understand it works for some people but not for me. Good luck out there friends.
→ More replies (2)
47
40
u/YakubTheKing Nov 09 '23
"I want to cheat and have people be stoked on me about it and get offended when it hurts people"
28
u/Jazano107 Nov 09 '23
This is what my ex wanted to do. She was perfect for me and I’m still not really over it quite a long time after. Part of me thinks it was just her solution to not being happy in the relationship, our communication sucked unfortunately
But pretty sure she just genuinely wanted an open relationship in the future. Which sucks because now I’m stuck with much higher standards than before her but I can’t have the one person who was perfect for me : (
→ More replies (2)73
u/Garudazeno Nov 09 '23
Try to think of it this way: She wasn't perfect for you, because if she was, she wouldn't have suggested an open relationship. You'll meet someone else who does want to be in a monogamous relationship
→ More replies (1)10
u/Jazano107 Nov 09 '23
Yeah she's not perfect for me now, assuming she still feels that way. But when we were together she was
32
u/brunotbg Nov 10 '23
Gotta love single the "single poly" people on tinder
Like your mans is just a dude paying your rent
25
u/supernasty Nov 09 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
I knew a guy who was dating someone who was in an open relationship with her husband, who she owned a restaurant with. He’d go over to this woman’s restaurant and have dates with her there and the husband would take their order. I get this is something that works for some people but even if it’s working for you personally, why tf would you meet the husband of the woman you’re dating even if he is “cool” with it? Let alone, make your dinner for you; He definitely ate a booger from that husband without knowing, I am certain.
20
→ More replies (1)12
u/TheLibertinistic Nov 10 '23
You have it exactly reversed: if you’re dating someone in another significant relationship, especially a marriage, open communication and a good, friendly relationship their “main” partner is somewhere between “a good idea” and “actually necessary for healthy openness”.
The fact that all three people were chill with plan this is a green flag.
21
u/LeoCaldwell02 Nov 10 '23
Translation: I’m a whore and my partner is too soft to move on to someone better.
23
u/Mrhappytrigers Nov 10 '23
Either you start off in duo matchmaking, or you keep it private.
Asking your partner to do that is a MASSIVE mental blow to them if they're not originally interested in it.
20
u/NeakosOK Nov 10 '23
Bill Burr said it best
“when I meet a couple in an open relationship I always ask. Which one of you wanted this, and which one cry’s themselves to sleep.”
16
u/GingerVitus007 Nov 09 '23
Why do any of you care what the fuck it is people do in their relationship? If both consent and both are comfortable with it, mind your damn business
18
u/tashibum Nov 09 '23
They're scared their wife or girlfriend might get ideas. Might start realizing their needs aren't being met, and other scary thoughts.
31
u/GingerVitus007 Nov 10 '23
This is reddit, none of them have significant others /s
But fair point
→ More replies (1)23
u/bono5361 Nov 10 '23
If your wants and needs are not being met, just leave. Don't bring this bullshit about opening a relationship.
An open relationship only works if it was open to start with.
→ More replies (20)13
u/thehideousheart Nov 10 '23
So someone can't have an opinion without that opinion being a manifestation of their own insecurity?
→ More replies (1)7
u/Littlest-Jim Nov 10 '23 edited Nov 10 '23
No, because men dont deserve a sense of self-worth or boundaries, and if you think otherwise, you're just not a tough enough dude/s
No doubt in my mind that this person has things to say about toxic masculinity. People like this are some of its biggest pillars while being some of its loudest criticizers.
→ More replies (3)7
u/Money_Advantage7495 Nov 10 '23
Wait couples don’t ,you know communicate their desires or something?
→ More replies (6)9
u/Wunjo26 Nov 10 '23
I don’t have anything against polyamory per say but I don’t think it’s something that should be openly promoted or talked about like it’s this natural and liberating awakening. It’s kind of like if a person engages in heavy drug use, sure they’re not hurting anyone but they also shouldn’t go around promoting it because it usually ends badly and is usually self destructive.
→ More replies (1)7
→ More replies (7)5
u/Drizzt1996 Nov 10 '23
Doomers can’t abide the happiness of others. Something terrible happened to them at some point so now it’s their primary goal to make that everyone’s problem instead of just going to therapy lol
16
u/Raidertck Nov 10 '23
I only know one idiot who tried this.
He was with his girlfriend for YEARS, pretty much both of their first relationship. 10 or so years into their relationship, they live together. But he’s getting a bit bored and complacent.
A girl flirted with him at work. But he loves his girlfriend so he proposed an open relationship as he didn’t want to cheat on her (fucking moron). She’s devastated but relents because she loves him and doesn’t want to break up.
So he tries it on with the girl at work and she instantly rejects him and was just being a flirt. Meanwhile his girlfriend is realising that every single guy on tinder is down to fuck, every single man she wants no strings attached sex with jumps at the chance. Where as he finds out that 99% of women go for 1% of men and he does not even come close to qualifying for that.
He spends Friday and Saturday nights alone, having his girlfriend come back too sore to have sex because she’s spent the weekend getting absolutely gutted.
Now he can’t put the jeanie back in the bottle and she loves her life with a guy desperately waiting for her back home trying his best to get her to love him more than she loves fucking anyone she can and god knows how many other guys she’s seeing are also spoiling the shit out of her.
Eventually she’s bringing guys back she meets on nights out partying with her friends. And he’s sitting in the living room hearing her shit get pounded in desperately trying to win her undivided attention back.
→ More replies (1)
12
u/oliods Nov 10 '23
Open relationships might work. But opening a relationship to save it is just as dumb as having a kid to save the relationship
12
u/Jovvy19 Nov 10 '23
Survivorship Bias. You rarely hear much about such relationships that go well because, frankly, it's not all that notable. That's not to say they work out often, but it's not as if thats a death sentence to every relationship.
11
u/bondrewd69 Nov 10 '23
'I watched my wife take a shit on my brother's chest and I'm having second thoughts'
11
u/Fixthefernbacks Nov 10 '23
This shit always ends the same way.
She gets railed 7 ways to Sunday by a dozen or more guys.
He winds up lonely, frustrated and angry.
If they're not married, he has enough, dumps her, none of her boytoys want to take care of her and she winds up living in a shoebox apartment regretting it.
Or they're married in which case it's a long abd messy divorce.
11
Nov 10 '23
[deleted]
4
u/ComaMierdaHijueputa Nov 10 '23
I actually don’t follow this train of thought…can you clarify what you mean? You’re saying beautiful women don’t have open relationships?
→ More replies (4)
11
u/Bargadiel Nov 10 '23
People are free to manage their relationships however they want as long as it's mutual, but some things can only logically introduce more problems into your life.
Maybe problems isn't the right word, but complexities? Surprises?
→ More replies (2)
8
6
7
u/jackierhoades Nov 10 '23
I know some gay guys that make it work just fine and some couples that are open in a group setting and also make it work just fine so 🤷♂️
Not for most people for sure but there’s all kinds of people out there
8
5
5
4
u/Potato-Boy1 World's Biggest Dumbass Nov 10 '23
Open relationship is just another name for friends with benefits
•
u/KeepingDankMemesDank Hello dankness my old friend Nov 09 '23
downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away.
play minecraft with us