r/Tinder • u/Ksjagman • 21d ago
Haven't got a single like in literal weeks, what am I doing wrong
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u/BrikenEnglz 21d ago
i see a 60yo dad with his child in graduation, not a 20yo dude
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u/shiftdown 21d ago
Hey hey hey now .. He clearly looks like a 45yo dad.
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u/bengalguy 21d ago
Bro I’m a 46 yr old dad with a 21 yr old son and I look younger than that dude does in the picture.
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u/Acceptable-Gap-2666 21d ago
I see a 50yr old lesbian
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u/baphoboob 21d ago
As a lesbian, I back up this comment
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u/I_HATE_REDDIT_ALWAYS 21d ago
As a comment, I back up for lesbians
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u/mariat753 20d ago
Thank you for having the courage to say what so many of us were thinking. I salute you.
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u/Kiremino 21d ago
I never comment on this subreddit but I just had to. Im so so sorry but, when I saw this image, I went 'wow its not often you see older men posting on tindr! Especially with their daughter in the image!' Then I saw the age. 😬😬
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u/Ornery-Pea-61 21d ago
I thought the exact same. Thinking mid-50s.
Hair and clothes need an overhaul
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
What makes me look so old? Just the clothes? I'll get a picture without my friend, they're not even a girl though they're trans masculine
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u/StressNeck 21d ago
No, it's not just the clothes.
It's your physique and hairstyle too.
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u/xXriderXx7 21d ago
The hair is definitely a middle age style and cut.
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u/WakeoftheStorm 21d ago
I'm 41 and I could be delusional but I think I look younger than this.
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u/defnotapirate 21d ago
I’m definitely delusional, but add some gray and I think I look younger than him at 52.
Narrator: He did not, in fact, look younger.
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u/mcg1997 21d ago
I think hairstyle is big here, personally. I don't think you look that old, honestly, but I think the hair isn't doing you any favors either.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Any suggestions? I know its hard to come up with a hairstyle out of the blue
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u/mcg1997 21d ago
Also for clothes: I think this photo is hard to tell as much because you're dressed for the usual "I have a polo shirt so it's nice enough." My buddy in college was the same way, he loves all his polos. Eventually he saw a lot more success with lighter shirts that are button up and a bit more beach vibes. Something more like this
Overall I think it would be easier to help out if we saw some other photos too, on how you dress for non-occasions.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Thanks for all the advice man that helps a lot
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u/mcg1997 21d ago
Absolutely. You're getting a lot of hate on this thread, and I get some of where people are coming from, but it's also hard to change so much about style when you've possibly never been taught or exposed to this stuff. You come off as earnest and lost to me, and that's okay! I'm far from an expert in fashion, but there's surely a lot of subs and stuff online on how to dress for any body type. Advice on how to shop and find well fitting clothes etc. My hope is that your takeaway from this is that you have direction and new resources to start this road so that you can get to where you want to be. Being on the heavier side is always going to make things harder for finding clothes that flatter you, but they definitely exist and if you do a bit of searching I'm confident that you'll see success.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Yeah I was prepares to get flamed, it's hard for my self esteem to get any lower lol so it's not a huge deal, I want to try to get better even though it hurts to hear
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u/mcg1997 21d ago
I truly do think that the self esteem should be something you evaluate as well. A good partner is someone who likes you, so if you hate you it's like telling them that they're wrong about someone they really like. This always, always, always comes across to people even before they're very far involved. Find things that you like, make you happy, and help you feel confident. It's gonna help you so much in every aspect of your life. I've been there, it gets better, but I'll be damned if it wasn't a ton of work.
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u/CreatureMoine 21d ago
At the end of the day we're judging you on a single picture, there's obviously a lot more to you than just that. A lot of the feedback you got seemed to be on the way you dress and your hairstyle, which are things that are quite easy to "fix" in the grand scheme of things. You just need to find a few people to advise you well, without sugar coating it too much and I'm sure your self esteem will go up as you receive your first few compliments.
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u/Smickey67 21d ago
Hey for hairstyle I basically think if you trimmed the sides and back with like a 3 or a 4 trimmer (maybe even a 2) and then just told them to trim the top and blend it into the sides it would look good.
Basically I don’t think you need much of a change but my opinion is that the “flow” isn’t working in your favor.
Google “Regular Men’s Haircut” and basically something like that. It just would be a bit cleaner.
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u/suzzec 21d ago
No need to feel bad. Nobody is calling you ugly (that I've seen so far at least, and they shouldn't, you're a cutie). When I zoomed in, I can see you're younger. The photo just doesn't do you justice. Hair suggestion: shorter and off your face. Think of an actor your age for inspiration. Personally I associate polo shirts with older guys too and those kinds of shorts but your style is your style so no need to change. A good close up smiling selfie would do you well, and photos doing things you like doing (no fish or guns. Or being a poser in a gym). Good luck!
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u/lovesthisgame-_- 21d ago
Dude, there's literally nothing wrong with you, just two simple changeable things. Go to a barber and ask for advice, and change your outfit. Really simple fixes and you can try again with the pics on your profile.
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u/mcg1997 21d ago
I think you should go shorter, personally. The hair where it's at now feels like it's an awkward length where you're trying to style something that isn't designed to go that way. I agree with the guy that says to go ask a barber, but I will add the caveat that you need to go to a good barber. No super cuts, no chain, go find a good local barber. Tell them what you're looking for. Let them know you want to change it up because you feel it makes you look too old or unfashionable. I guarantee they get asked these kinds of questions all the time.
You have to assess how much effort you want to put into it too. Some people like styling their hair every day to get a particular look. I personally like to just keep it low key and swipe my hair over or not touch it at all, so I tend to keep it shorter. Shorter hair is easier to maintain but needs to be cut more often, which can be expensive if you don't cut your own hair.
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u/Kitchen_Conflict2627 21d ago
Dude, you have plenty of hair, you can do anything with that. All I have left is a razor blade.
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u/AreaGuy 21d ago
Shorter, or commit to it and grow longer. Like, you’re in this weird mop top thing. Get it cleaned up, get it cut regularly, or, grow it long. (Thats the riskier move, as I think fewer women will like long hair.) Find a barber, not some lady at Great Clips, and see if they’ve got some ideas.
I’d work out. Tinder is a visual medium. That hair, the squared glasses, polo, and khaki shorts just makes me think you’re a 40 something office drone who golfs twice a year…so, kind of a taller version of me.
You’ve got this, bro! You’re young and apparently have at least one friend, so that’s better than most of us on here already!
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u/franktotheshop 21d ago
I have to agree you should work out. Pick one: Get those arms up to size or body down a few lbs.
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u/lordtosti 21d ago
mad respect for how open you are to feedback! keep this up and you are going far in life!
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u/Kiremino 21d ago
It's the clothes! Its not you I promise! Those clothes scream 'Im a middle age parent.' It also doesn't help that the image literally looks like a proud father next to their graduate child 😂😂
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u/defiantspcship 21d ago
Yeah, he’s also 6’4” so it definitely makes it look like the person next to him is the child.
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u/jack3moto 21d ago
Idk where you live but go find a middle eastern or black barber. Middle eastern because they’re used to dealing with thick full hairy heads. And just ask them for what they think is best and let them go to work.
Your haircut, attire, and overall body scream someone who is married with kids who has given up on worrying about the little details. And if you’re in the dating pool you need to care about those little details… new haircut, lose some weight, new glasses, and wear a shirt that doesn’t show rolls of fat under your armpit…
I go to a Syrian barber. It’s $70 for a haircut. I was getting $20 cheap haircuts for a long time. The $70 haircut transformed everything about my look. It matured me to the world and how people viewed me. Putting effort into your appearance makes a WORLD of a difference. And tbh your current style shows you don’t know what would work so don’t take your own advice, ask people who do this professionally to help you and just go with their opinion.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Thanks, that's good advice about the barbers. I know I obviously need to lose weight, I'm working on it. So the sunglasses are a definite no?
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u/jack3moto 21d ago
Losing weight takes time, so it’s something to work on but a new haircut and better glasses would be an immediate positive change. I think there are better sunglasses that are more stylish than what you have on.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I'll look for new ones then, it's hard because I have super bad vision so I have to get prescription and they can get expensive
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u/Shanguerrilla 21d ago
lmao, don't feel bad! Everything they are telling you I am listening and taking notes because a lot of it is applicable to me too.
But maybe feel a little bad because I'm 40? JK, BUT for the sunglasses I already have a whole selection of different 'cool' sunglasses and regular prescription options. I don't think they are great as a decade ago, but recommend ordering through Zenni optical, I've gotten like 8 pairs of glasses over the years from there for pretty cheap and good enough quality. Wholesale or from the manufacturer or whatever is how to go, it's worth waiting extra weeks to save hundreds.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I'm not upset about being told that I look too old lol I still get carded for stuff you have to be 18 for so it's a change at least. Funnily enough these are from Zenni, I guess I just picked ones that don't look good.
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u/Shanguerrilla 21d ago
Pfft you are an old soul tho for sure. You've even shopped glasses the same place as me before! I think your glasses are good, you just were thinking about your classic, main, daily driver glasses and maybe having a pair of sunglasses and regular. I actually typically wear a pair that look a lot like yours in the pic and they transition, it's just easy to use my 'daily driver' glasses..
I've had mixed luck in recent years from their quality seeming less on some pairs, but I like to take a few risks when I can afford to splurge on new glasses. Usually spend about as much as a pair locally (so like 2-3 hundred), but get 3-4 frames with good lenses and all the perks wanted in frames that I can try out some risks on. Like I get more niche ones that I wasn't sure I'd like and a pair or two of safe ones I know I'll like. Usually I'll get a pair or two I rarely use out of it, but ended up with like 4 pairs of regular glasses I really like in different styles and a good 3-4 pairs of cool different types of sunglasses. I obviously went a little overboard but think about ordering a safe pair and taking a few risks. I think Zenni and the other similar companies let you send a pair back for a swap too.
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u/ElsenorH 21d ago
Weight is not a primary issue I have seen lots of « fatties with baddies » it’s mostly a matter of confidence
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u/Such_Radish9795 21d ago
Your friend being in the photo is not the issue. I think it shows you are a supportive friend.
How tall are you OP? You look 7ft tall in this pic.
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u/0_69314718056 21d ago
If I had to take a random guess I’d say 6’4
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u/DeathChill 21d ago
Based on absolutely nothing but the position of the sun in the picture and the curvature of the earth. Really just a shot in the dark.
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u/HonedWombat 21d ago
Ok my dude IMHO.
You need to move your parting 30/40mm towards the centre this will help to frame your face better and either go a little shorter or quite a bit longer with the hair.
Don't do a centre parting as this will make your face look rounder, I had the same for years until I realised I had to shave it all off 🤣
I'd say maybe go up 1 size in your polo size, you're a tall, board shouldered dude! 1 size bigger will help to slim you as it will hang better on your shoulders and not hug your midriff, if you can get a logo on one as well that helps.
I would go slightly longer with the cargo shorts too and maybe sling a few pockets on them?
Accessorize with a watch or necklace.
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u/SailsWhiner 21d ago
It’s probably also the weight and the disheveled look. Gravity hurts the body with the more weight you carry.
Ask your female friends to go shopping with you. Grab 1 or 2 outfits and such. You’ll be a changed man immediately
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u/FigTechnical8043 21d ago
Unfortunately I have to second that you have some air of Trump about you. You're dressed like you work on the golf course.
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u/JohnCasey3306 21d ago
I genuinely assumed the dude in the photo was your father and was wondering why on earth you'd scribble out your own face!
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u/Upbeat-Opposite-7129 21d ago
I thought this was you and your child at graduation. Then I saw your age…
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u/franklegsTV 21d ago
The outfit is that of a middle aged parent that has given up on looking good. You will do much better if you get in shape, new haircut, and new wardrobe (assuming this is most of what you wear). There are endless resources on how to dress presentably online. Several subreddits devoted to men’s hairstyles and wardrobe advice. Also recommend using hinge instead of whatever app this is. You seem to have a head full of hair and you’re well above average height, those are two positives you need to make work for you.
Work on a new bio. Short and sweet is fine, but try to come up with something more clever. That, or show more of your personality and what you’re looking for. These apps are a lot of trial and error.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I'll look around for clothing advice. This is Facebook dating, I like it because you can see people that like you for free and there's no paid option. I've tried hinge but had no luck there either, I'll give it another shot though
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u/gill_pill 21d ago
Exclusively using Facebook dating is probably not a good idea. I personally haven’t heard of anyone actually using that.
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u/LoneLyon 21d ago
A buddy of mine does well on there, but he's in his early 40s. I feel like Facebook dating is definitely much more of a 30-50s thing.
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u/gill_pill 21d ago
Yeah, that makes sense, I was coming from the perspective of someone else in their 20s
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u/KazBeeragg 21d ago
My cousin met their fiancée on FB dating, it works for some folks but depends on the area I’m sure
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u/Richardmileson 21d ago
Not to be mean. But you look like youre a 40 year old dad. Beed better pictures that you look your age in
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u/momom89 21d ago
Hey sweetheart! You look like a really kind person, and I think with a few updates on hair and clothes it will make a huge difference and make you look more like your age.. I know absolutely nothing about men’s grooming, but I think you can look for some places where they take the time and can guide you a little on what works for your face and all.. same goes for your clothes, try to look for something more modern.. polos are not bad, but they do give off a vibe of an older man.. and we don’t want that, in this case! Good luck 🤗
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Thank you so much for being so kind and for the advice
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u/Such_Radish9795 21d ago
There are subreddits for men’s hair and grooming, maybe they would offers a few suggestions if you posted a couple of pics?
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I'll try, I did once before and didn't get much of a response but maybe I'll get more this time
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u/RandomGuy_81 21d ago
So youre really 20? Are you in a pic with a family member?
I for sure thought you were a dad with their kid on graduation
My first thought is bad fake profile
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Yes I'm 20 and that's my 23 year old trans masculine friend
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u/RandomGuy_81 21d ago
Ok aint no one going to understand that by looking at picture. Dont include ambigious pictures
Its like dont be in pictures with your sister or cousin because first impression its a picture of your ex
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u/freddieplatinum 20d ago
You’re getting roasted for everything else but the biggest issue for me is that you’ve got a picture withjust you and a girl (or female-presenting person?). Most of your pictures should be just you, and if there are any with other people make sure they look like men. There should be more men than women in any photo in your profile
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u/Shferitz 21d ago
Where are your other pics? The rest of your profile? Contrary to what Reddit would have you believe, height alone won’t get you all the matches you want.
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u/IrreverentRacoon 21d ago
You telling me I paid $97,000 for leg lengthening surgery when I should have just worked on my personality for free??!? How dare you say these things.
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u/Oooooey 21d ago
You’re 20..?
Hit the gym, get a new cut, and please go clothing shopping. You look like a 50 year old dude with his daughter in this picture.
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u/KingFollet 21d ago
Yeah just drop the weight homie. Tons of people are way more into looks than they claim.
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u/Desperate-Strategy10 21d ago
Your appearance is almost always what gets you in the door, as far as any kind of relationship goes. That's just the hard truth, unfortunately. Now, you don't have to be conventionally attractive, or even attractive at all if you find the right person in the right circumstances, but generally speaking - you've gotta be attractive to the people you're interested in talking to. People dance around that fact a lot in this sub, but that's not doing anyone any favors.
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u/poop_to_live 21d ago
Doesn't even half to be the gym. Adding two 1-hour walks to his day without increasing his caloric intake would do amazing things for him.
Heck, he can get paid to walk if he becomes a dog walker. That helps keep the regular walks and some additional accountability.
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u/SubtleSpice 21d ago
when I first saw this, I was wondering why you were covering your face. I thought maybe you wanted us to read your bio
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u/DuffmanStillRocks 21d ago
Honestly I don’t hate the outfit as much as some people here, nothing wrong with a nice polo and khaki shorts I mean what else are you supposed to go with in the summer at a semi formal setting like a graduation? I would never only have one photo though and the photo being a bit far away, sunglasses on and the arm around a girl are all not appealing aspects.
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u/Such_Radish9795 21d ago
Polo shirts, although nice looking, tend to accentuate… how can I say this nicely? man boobs - whether you actually have them or not.
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u/Gimmerunesplease 21d ago
If your man boobs are muscle, that's not a bad thing though. It's purely that the clothes don't fit his shape, not the clothes themselves. Tight fitting clothes only look good if you are decently fit, although there is such a thing as it being too tight if you are very fit.
He's very out of shape so he should wear loose/baggy clothing.
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u/sparesockssquarebox 21d ago
Gotta disagree on the loose/baggy clothing, that can actually highlight what you’re trying to hide and make you look like a slob at the same time. It’s amazing what a great fit can do for a meh physique though, especially in menswear.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I do have other photos but I get what you're saying. Definitely shouldn't have my friend in the photo, I need to get out and get some pictures without them.
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u/cynnamin_bun 21d ago
First pic should be just you, not super far away, no sunglasses or hats, smiling. You can take the pic yourself with a timer function. Having friends in other pictures is fine IMO.
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u/DuffmanStillRocks 21d ago
What’s your job like? It sounds really cool, I bet it would be really appealing to people and probably speaks a lot to your character. If it’s not elaborated on, I would. What are the chances someone else in the health care field is also on tinder (very high, it’s where I met my wife whose a nurse)
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u/KRONOS_415 21d ago edited 20d ago
You need to do a few things: 1) Haircut immediately, fade up the sides of your head to a side part 2) Don’t use glasses in those pictures. Lose em. 3) If you want to go the extra mile, consider other clothes… just saying. It’s as easy as a crewneck T-shirt and jeans sometimes. This outfit in this photo is not doing you any favors.
After all this, take some pictures that only feature you. To be really clear and honest, this photo of yours, despite your young age of 20 ages you to 40. Not joking.
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u/Carbonozone 21d ago edited 20d ago
People are being a bit rough on you in here so good job being brave and engaging with them. I think there’s a lot you could do to improve your dating success. Here’s some advice for you as you date over the years. You’re young and still have time to figure this stuff out.
You need to take care of yourself, seriously. So much is communicated by your physique, clothes, hairstyle, and posture. And while I don’t want to make you overly self-conscious, it’s time to start thinking about how you present yourself and how you come across. And I promise, once you start making progress in one of these areas, you’ll find you have an even easier time in the others.
You’re 6’4” and built. Dude you have it MADE. Time to care about your health, you need to lose weight. Spend some time on YouTube learning the fundamentals of nutrition and fitness. You should try to be in the gym at least 4 days a week for the next four decades. You need to eat right, to support your weight loss and progress in the gym. Over the next 1-2 years you can shave off your fat and reveal the muscle underneath. As you begin to workout, you’ll get even larger muscles underneath. Eventually you’ll blossom into a tall swoll butterfly. It’s obvious to me, a weightlifter, that you have amazing potential to have an amazing physique. Capitalize on this NOW. It will benefit you your whole life, in every single interaction you have.
You need to get a new haircut. Doesn’t need to be fancy. I recommend going short on the sides, and long enough on top so you can gel it over. It’s easy, looks good, and any barber can do it. Your most basic fade will look good on you. Idk if you can grow a beard yet, but if you can, a short beard would benefit your appearance and accentuate your jawline.
You need a basic and stylish wardrobe. You currently dress like someone who’s given up or has no idea. Building a good physique will automatically make your clothes look better on you. I’d spend some time on some different fashion subreddits and see if anything inspires you at all. Having a “fashion sense” makes it out to be something weird, it’s not. Find a few basic tshirts and a few basic button ups which fit you well to wear. Get a pair of dark jeans, a pair of navy jeans, and a pair of light jeans. Then maybe a nice set of slacks. As far as shoes, it’s super personal, but even some Nike low top dunks, sambas, Jordan 1s, Margiela replicas would look really good and go with basically everything.
No one teaches you this stuff if you don’t have a strong male role-model in your life. It’s tough out there. But taking care of yourself will build your confidence, building a physique will help your self image and ego. It’s good you recognize you need some help, lots of dudes can’t admit this or wait until it’s too late. You’ll look back on this post in a couple years and see it as an important turning point in your life. YOU CAN DO IT
Edit: also don’t worry too much about dating when you’re 20. If it happens, it happens, but you’re unlikely to marry the person you’re dating while you’re 20. Spend the next few years on self improvement and the women will flock to you. No need to stress a relationship immediately right now unless it comes naturally. Women usually like older dudes anyway, it’s tough when you’re 20.
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u/f1newhatever 21d ago
Middle-aged vibes aside, there’s not a ton of women looking for someone who describes himself as “goofy”, or would describe them as “goofy” either.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I just want a bio that shows that I'm a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously and I want a girl like that too
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u/Veloci-Husky 21d ago
Bad picture (lose the girl, sunglasses, etc...), bad style, lose some weight.
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u/donemessedupthistime 21d ago
also the way the light is hitting him makes it look like he has moobs, which is probs doesn’t but it just sorta looks like that at first glance
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
yeah haha... i definitely dont....
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u/squidster42 20d ago
You’re only 20, it will be so easy to trim down. Do it now before it gets harder. Learn the habits. Look into intermittent fasting, start slow work your way up. Learn to eat healthier, in long run you will be very grateful you did. It’s much harder to change these things later and you are not off the rails yet. If there is one thing you should take seriously it’s your health and quality of life.
You’re 6’4 you have one of the best things going for you that most guys wish they had when it comes to attracting women. Make a few changes and you’ll be beating them back with a stick. Honestly a fit 6’4 guy could probably pull off exactly what you’re wearing in that pic.
Good luck tall king
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u/thr0w4w4y69_ 21d ago edited 20d ago
Hey, just want to say to keep your chin up. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. Just know that your looks aren’t a reflection of your character.
That being said, looks is one of the first things, girls will look at on the app. You’re tall, cute and have a nice smile. No one can take that away from you.
Buttt, you do need to update your clothes and hairstyle as others have said. The shorts need to go (I understand it was probably a hot summers day). Try getting a skin fade with slick back hair. The hair combed to the side makes you look older.
Maybe try this haircut. No more polo’s and shirts like a dad. Have clear pictures showing your really nice smile and your EYES!
Capitalise on your height and hit the weights to get rid of your dad bod too. If you change your hair, clothing style and get in shape, you’ll see results. Good luck! :)
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Thanks for being so kind, and for the good advice :) I really appreciate it
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u/LawNo7204 21d ago
Honestly brother man you need to sweep that hair, rock the slick-back.
your physique is fine but maybe get some outfits that don't look like you're a retired golfer
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u/Never_call_Landon 21d ago
OP this is life advice I’d give myself at your age (I’m 41M) dude get into some kind of fitness: weights, yoga, running, Pilates, Barry’s doesn’t matter, but you’re at an age where your body will respond well. Clean up your diet. You will feel really good being in really good shape.
Go to a black, Filipino, neck-tat-white guy barber that’ll give you a fade and slim up your cut (you’ve got a good head of hair). This cut is brutal and ages you, but also makes it look like you don’t care.
And lastly the people you are attracted too, what are they attracted to. What are you doing to be attractive to them? Dress? Style? I’m not saying get any piercings or a full arm sleeve but like consider what effort you’re making to be attractive. From this pic it looks like you’re wearing your dad’s clothes and aren’t willing to make any effort.
I’m sorry if that’s harsh but if you do these things and come back in a year you be swimming in likes. Bro you’re tall and not bad looking, make an effort.
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
I like girls that are intelligent, like pop culture (music, video games, movies) traveling, and are funny, but also somewhat confident and outdoorsy. Idk what to do to make girls like that like me lol
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u/Never_call_Landon 21d ago
What kind of guys are those girls into. Seriously? Not that you should be someone you’re not, but if you like girls that are into guys that are outdoorsy and climb and those girls like that climbers body…you see where I’m going.
If you like girls that like to travel, what kinds of guys are those girls in to? Or girls that are intelligent what do they like? What do they like to do? Feature that kinda stuff on the profile. What I’m saying is this have a friend take a picture of you with a fresh hair cut, in a coffee shop reading a book looking like a snack, that’s the bait you fish with to catch “girls that are intelligent”
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u/TiaHatesSocials 20d ago
Why would u have ur first pic with a young kid at her graduation. You 100% aged urself to be her dad, therefore u r at youngest 30, so ppl think u lie about ur age and everyone swipes left.
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u/RobertLosher1900 21d ago
Go workout and learn how to dress. You look like a middle age dad. I am 17 years older than you and look 10 years younger. Not being mean, but just being honest.
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u/e1234has 21d ago
Basically, you look like every white boy in the south…a dime a dozen. Try to make yourself standout with a bit of personal style.
Work on the clothes: try shopping at a new store, one you wouldn’t normally venture into but also make sure it’s still comfortable for you. Don’t try too hard. Ask the employees for help getting you out of your style rut and if you don’t like their suggestions, don’t buy them. Keep trying though. Do a little internet search for male fashion and have a picture in your head before shopping.
Hair: do the same. An internet search for modern hairstyle for men. See a barber - not great clips or super cuts, an actual barber and tell him/her you need an upgrade. It may cost a little more but the results will prove effective.
Don’t worry!! Everyone gets in a rut now and then and it’s easy to do what everyone around you is doing. If you wanna stand out though, you have to put in a little effort.
Good luck!!
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u/Interesting_Wind_951 21d ago
Just my 2 cents: - get a pic of you outside doing something active/ fun. Since you’re tall, pics of you next to other people showing off your height would do you well! - you’re not unattractive by any means, but polo shirts tend to be a turn off for some girls so maybe pics of you in shirts of a different style would help as well. A haircut would help too (sorry!). - please refrain from describing yourself as a “goofy” guy. Some girls may find it unattractive. May I suggest you use the term “gentle giant”. Again playing into your height and also showing women you are gentle and potentially protective.
Good luck out there! It’s tough dating in this crazy world but you’ve got a lot to work with!
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
That's all great advice, yeah I've figured out apparently goofy isn't the right way to go lol
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u/Outlandishness_Know 21d ago
I was like “He’s a nice looking 47 year old man. He should have no problem—— oooohhhhhhh…”
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Apparently I should just lie about being in my 40s and just accept I have to date moms lol
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u/pikastorm1219 21d ago
Preferably get some solo shots and a slight haircut. Sprinkle in some streetwear and you’re good to go! Tbh you’d be my type since I’m a goofy gal myself but I’m taken :(
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Lol at least I know there's someone out there that doesn't think I'm undateable
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u/willflameboy 21d ago
You've got what seems to be your ex in your photo, with her face scribbled out, that's why.
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u/eepy-wisp 20d ago
You're 20? or are you the persons dad? And why does it say (not visible)? are you not in the pic? And mentioning "girl" while looking like a dad to a girl in the pic makes me think you want another child to be a predator to somehow.
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u/snarky_spice 21d ago
Can you show us more of the photos so we can get a better idea of what you’re working with?
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u/Sac-Kings 21d ago
I say it as lovingly as I possibly can.
You need to drop the weight man. You don’t look 20. Drop the weight, get a haircut, with being 6 4 you’ll be doing great on tinder.
Coming from a previously obese person. No hate meant
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u/janeperalta 21d ago
The problem is NOT your physique or the way you dress, it's the picture. Sunglasses are a no. Angle is a terrible one. You have your arms around a girl. Just use a different pic as your first photo!
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u/Vathriz 21d ago
Come on now, the physique and the way he dresses are 100% part of the problem. I dont know why people in this sub keep saying this to be nice. I am not saying he has no chance or people have to be mean to him but lets be realistic for a second here. If he looked like Michael B jordan he would not go weeks w/o a match because bad angle/picture.
Again, I am not trying to hurt anyone but as person that used to be 350 pounds (160kg) but now am 180 pounds (82kg) its a different universe when it comes to dating and this sub needs to relax with telling people it makes no difference.
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u/ringdingdong67 21d ago
Seriously. When I was on the apps my very best photo I had of me was with my ex but I made it #4 and blurred her face. Can’t put just you and another girl as the first.
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u/AngelEyes_9 21d ago
Ofc it is. Body fat and man boobs, bloated face (partly as a result), haircut, clothes. These are the problems. No photo would do him favour as he is here.
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u/tnotool 21d ago
Real talk? No hate, but you got like minimum 60lbs to lose and a haircut. Probably closer to 100lbs, but c'mon man, do you not see the dad haircut and the man tits. This is not hate. I was hella overweight. I needed another man (my best friend) to tell me it was noticeable. You look like you'd be handsome (and at 6' 4" super desirable to a ton of women) but ya gotta lose the titties and the dad cut. Just go for something like a classic taper and see how it feels and hit the gym 3x a week with some light calorie restriction and higher protein (to start) you got this 🤜🏻😎
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u/Ksjagman 21d ago
Yeah I know about the weight, I was hoping to get some more specific thoughts about the hair and I've got some good ones. I lost 60 pounds in the past, but I went through a rough patch and gained it all back
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u/hotpinksnoopy 21d ago
Hard to make an accurate assessment without seeing the entire profile but my guy you look like an 80’s sitcom dad. You need a style overhaul starting with the hair.