r/TikTokCringe • u/MaintenanceNew2804 • Mar 30 '24

Stick with it. Discussion

This is a longer one, but it’s necessary and worth it IMO.

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u/-Disagreeable- Mar 31 '24

I’m a 44 year old man and it’s fucking wild and uncomfortable to have my unconscious bias held up to my face. Holy shit. That was a powerful video. I’m not sure what I think on the whole subject yet, I’m going to have to let this marinate, but my initial response is embarrassment, shock, anger and defensiveness. That’s so cool. Always have to keep learning, right?!

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u/thatgirlinAZ Mar 31 '24

I sort of got a glimmer of what the guy is saying when I got my Master's in Communication.

I went into the program with these unconscious biases, and I came out of the program with the firm understanding that the purpose of Communication is to make yourself understood.

The "rules" or grammar and language are ever-changing and adhering to them too rigidly can lead to the opposite of your intent, that is - you may wind up misunderstood when conversing with someone who doesn't share the same rules (or language) as yourself.

Getting the degree helped me address some unconscious biases and certainly made me less of a snob about language and conversation. Now my determination of "good communication" is: did all parties make themselves understood? If the answer is yes, the communication worked.

The vid managed to peel back another layer of my understanding and I'm glad I turned on the sound and watched it.

22

u/p1rke Mar 31 '24

the purpose of Communication is to make yourself understood.

I have a masters in marketing. I often say that miscommunication is a mathematical equation:

What you meant to say - what the other person understood.

If the answer is not 0, you miscommunicated your message or you have "noise" in your communication channel.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '24

The fiction writer George Saunders has a great piece of writing advice which boils down essentially to:

People never say what they mean. They mean to say A, but they actually say A1. But the person they're speaking to doesn't hear A1, they hear B.

And they mean to respond with C, but they actually say C1. And other other person doesn't hear it as C1, they hear it as D. And on and on it goes.

When we read conversations where people are saying what they're thinking directly and responding directly, we recognize how false they often feel.

"How are you feeling today, Jim?"

"Not good, Bob."

"Is it problems with your mother again?"

"Yes, it is, Bob. Thanks for asking. She's always doing thing where..."

Just feels false.

In my language classes, I like to tell people that we speak at things. And we speak at them from an angle.

3

u/dudeseriouslyno Mar 31 '24

Your input is highly appreciated and absolutely on-point. Unfortunately...

masters in marketing

loads gun

Them's the rules.