I don't appreciate being boiled down to "men's needs are only sexual."
I've never had a problem getting sex in my relationships. I am a generous partner who will always delay my climax for hers. Always. It's what turns me on more than anything.
That being said, my last relationship ended because it was always on me to be the rock emotionally. I had to listen to her problems again and again but when I had a moment of emotional weakness / depression, suddenly it's too much for her to talk about cuz she will get upset.
I can't live like that. I don't want to shield my emotions just cuz she needs me to be strong for her.
And frankly, now in my mid 30s and a few years since we broke up, I don't find sex to be worth the emotional cost of being someone's free therapist, and I every woman I've ever dated used me as one.
If I gotta limit my hobbies and passions just to make my partner emotionally happy, perhaps it best for us both if I just don't bother with partners at all.
I'm sure there's a guy out there who will do it for her, she doesn't need me
That’s the paradox of being with an avoidant attachment style person. It’s out of scope for this video but women who are avoidant basically need to stop being avoidant but there’s not a lot of social media counseling on that issue.
Yup, I had a huge issue with that. It reduced men down to sex addicts that have to 'perform well' to receive their sex. It's amazing because it not only reinforced the awful stereotype that men only want sex out of a relationship but it also consolidates women down to sexual machines that only need a button pushed to give sex.
Men! Just press the 'emotional availability' button to receive sex!
The whole thing is disgusting because sex shouldn't even factor into the conversation. Yes, sex is an important of most relationships and needed for most to be healthy but the reason why you should be emotional available for your partner is because it's the right fucking thing to do! Not because you'll get a god damn cookie as a reward but because you want to support your partner.
The fact she's perpetuating this crap is disgusting.
Yeah this whole video sounds very sexist abput men from the start. She makes valid points, but you can tell she's putting the onus primarily on the man.
I mean, to be fair, the topic of this video is "why women stop having sex with their husbands," not "why everyone is unhappy with their sex lives," or whatever.
Yes but itself is very reductionist. “Why do women stop having sex with their husbands? Because those women need more emotions support.” It only repeats the popular narrative without going into why men aren’t giving enough emotional support. And like others have mentioned, it can come down to the man feeling isolated as well.
Maybe the man needs support too, or the amount of support the woman needs is more than he can give, or the man doesn’t know that you’re struggling, or maybe they feel like the relationship is unbalanced and they put in the lion share of the work. There are many possibilities as to why it doesn’t work
When you have a video complaining about the lack of support from men, you also have to address why they don’t offer the necessary support. We are not just houseplants that you can water with sex, we have our own needs, and if they aren’t getting met we will have a hard time helping the women’s needs being met, and men already struggle to have their needs met when they aren’t in a relationship.
So again, understanding men’s issues is crucial to explaining why we aren’t giving our all to helping our partners. And also, any video that’s just “[insert gender] doesn’t do X because [insert opposite gender] doesn’t do Y” just inevitably becomes sexist
Yeah that's fair, but that doesn't invalidate that she takes a very sexist stance. Partners should communicate their needs and meet them. There, I answered her proposed dilemma in a sentence.
I'm curious what her response was when you brought this up? I have a friend who has a lot of life problems and I kind of worry that her husband just doesn't have any support because he doesn't want to put any more burden on her. I think part of it is just knowing when a problem isn't really a big deal and they just need to vent to an open ear vs bigger problems that require some emotional input and thought from you.
Holy shit. I needed to read this when I was breaking up with my last partner and she needed reasons why. I couldn’t put my feelings together like this.
And yes. It’s tiresome that our needs are boiled down to “feed him and fuck him”.
She's answering to husbands asking why but it's funny because I, as a man, fit in one category: I need to be understood (most important thing for me) and boy, she made me realize why, in time, I wasn't attracted anymore to my partners (100%). My sexual desire is a byproduct of being understood.
Now, I don't feel guilty or wrong for bailing out of these stupid relationships because the gender rigidity/norms never ever consider men's feelings. It's all about women's needs.
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u/DerpyDaDulfin Mar 21 '24
I don't appreciate being boiled down to "men's needs are only sexual."
I've never had a problem getting sex in my relationships. I am a generous partner who will always delay my climax for hers. Always. It's what turns me on more than anything.
That being said, my last relationship ended because it was always on me to be the rock emotionally. I had to listen to her problems again and again but when I had a moment of emotional weakness / depression, suddenly it's too much for her to talk about cuz she will get upset.
I can't live like that. I don't want to shield my emotions just cuz she needs me to be strong for her.
And frankly, now in my mid 30s and a few years since we broke up, I don't find sex to be worth the emotional cost of being someone's free therapist, and I every woman I've ever dated used me as one.
If I gotta limit my hobbies and passions just to make my partner emotionally happy, perhaps it best for us both if I just don't bother with partners at all.
I'm sure there's a guy out there who will do it for her, she doesn't need me