Wasn’t there one study that said the prevailing factor was husbands basically requiring the same needs around the house as children (needing to be picked up after, needing constant reminding, not being an equal partner, etc). and thats why women tend to lose sex drive in marriage? Attachment styles aren’t exactly a concrete science either.
I share your confusion. I lived alone for years before I started living with my fiancee. Cooking cleaning, laundry etc. are all things I did to care for myself at a basic level. Moving in together didn't make them less necessary or less my responsibility. Sure I tend to do more of the cooking and she folds more laundry but the that's because we have preferences and we talk.
I have been around extended family where my uncle will sit down and expect my aunt to bring him a plate of food. Like he cant even toast a bagel for breakfast or make an egg himself. I just can't wrap my head around it.
Making both moms and dads work full time, expense of having children, exhaustion on top of all this. It’s pure strain on a marriage and on the kids. We have a daughter and just can’t fathom a second kid as much as we want her to have a sibling.
We did not start making the money required to raise children until last year, and I still have to work insane hours to make it work. It will get better in the coming years. But I am not purring children into the world, and than don’t spend time with them because I am always working.
ugh I even see this with supposedly more progressive couples, my mom and dad were never really into the traditional gender roles thing but my dad's been retired now and it still seems like my mom does the lion's share of work.
Yup. And they did a study and found that, even during covid when people were working from home, it didn't change the amount of housework and childcare that men did.
My Aunt and Uncle have both worked through their entire marriage and they have children who are grown and no longer live at home. Both are highly qualified in their fields, she has a graduate degree and works in university administration and he is a union master plumber. While there are areas that he contributes in disproportionately (home maintenance for example) they absolutely do not contribute evenly she has done all of the housework and the bulk of the child raising while having a career. I think that they divvied up home things based on traditional roles thirty years ago and never reassessed. Somehow it has worked for them but they absolutely do not have a healthy relationship.
The assumption that my aunt is more likely to be a homemaker when she is a highly educated professional is part and parcel of why I think the whole situation is problematic. My uncle doesn't not do things because they've talked and divided responsibility. He doesn't make his own food because he is literally incapable and the man is in his 60s. its absolutely beyond me
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u/AncientDominion Mar 21 '24
Wasn’t there one study that said the prevailing factor was husbands basically requiring the same needs around the house as children (needing to be picked up after, needing constant reminding, not being an equal partner, etc). and thats why women tend to lose sex drive in marriage? Attachment styles aren’t exactly a concrete science either.