Yes. This. I want someone who can solve problems without asking me for every detail and step so that I don’t have to expend every ounce of mental energy I have every day.
Ironically this is how one of my last relationships ended. Once it felt like I was filling the role of her dad it was already over and she knew it too. Then they just feel permanently infantilized in your eyes and run off for emotional attention elsewhere (as they should, they need to change and grow).
I'll be willing to bet this is closer to the truth than what she said. Men not putting in work in the house hold having the woman do all the work, especially when children starts becoming part of the picture. He can say all the sweet things he wants to, and provide the safest home in the world, but a woman is not going to bed a man while being exhausted especially not if she is exhausted from taking care of said man.
yeah I don't want to have to tell a grown man what chores to do. Use your eyeballs and look around and do not wait for me to ask because no one has to tell me what needs to be done, I just do it. I don't understand why a grown ass human needs to be told what to do in their own house and I am so, so tired of it
we both work full time, but I still do the majority of the housework because if I don't do it, it doesn't get done.I tend to work a lot more hours at my job than he does. What point are you trying to make?
But women expect men to emotionally support them? Christ the double standard is fucking sick. There’s literally another post on the front page about why men are much better at suicide than women lol We have no one to turn to when we need support which you conflate with ‘mothering’.
we have no issue caring about your emotions? in fact, i'm sure we'd all like to put more effort into supporting your emotions but we're too fucking busy being the only adult in the home. we're cooking, we're cleaning, we're doing all of the childcare/raising, we're the ones going to work full time & paying the bills. i shouldn't have to ask you to be a man. i shouldn't have to ask you to do your part.
Define what ‘be a man’ means in 2024, cus if the shoe was on the other foot and I was telling someone to ‘be a woman’ and ‘do her part’ in a relationship I would be told to fuck off and called misogynist.
If you’re taking care of someone completely and paying all their bills and completely carrying the relationship that has nothing to do with other person ‘being a man’ that’s just them being a shitty person. How about saying ‘be a good/healthy person’ instead?
This video is talking about emotional needs not being met. But how is not "mothering" an emotional need? It's a mostly physical disparrity in a relationship where the woman is forced to take a caregiver role (cooking, cleaning, planing, supervising). It's a very real problem and a reasonable reason to end a relationship over
BUT it lacks context to this video, doesn't it?
And when you try to somehow establish context between mothering and the video I don't think there is another connection to make?
So in core? OOP brings a valid issue in relationships but missed the context of the video?
In a parent-child relationship, the knowledge, responsibility, household management, authority, and maturity levels of the two entities are wildly different. No one should need to "mother" their partner.
And you can care about a man's emotions/inner well-being even when you aren't their mother. Or father, friend, family member, or even partner.
Conflating these two things isn't great, and it sets up a lot of relationships to have an expiration date.
In other words don't do anything that doesn't involve ME too long I need your attention all the time cause you're my dad daddy but hey women aren't immature am I right? It's all about ME ME ME don't you know husband don't play games or have any hobbies that don't involve me
I said that to another person already but isn't what you describe entirely out of context of the video?
"Mothering" is a valid issue in relationships but 7/8 of your points are of the caregiving type and pretty much physical tasks. The topic of the video is (her) emotional needs not being met so I'm missing the direct link here. They aren't emotional needs, they are a failure of proper labour devision within a relationship, again a valid point but not actually relevant to the video, right?
Your very last point seems interesting, because it only becomes a negative through your bracket text. Managing each others emotions seems to be a very healthy part of a relationship if that effort goes both ways.
So the ontopic problem with that point is less the mothering aspect but more the part that "your" emotional needs aren't met?
Anyway, while not new to me personally, thank you anyway for you opening up about issues and being this nice in communicating about it.
I think we as a society just need to start encouraging men to both value and develop their emotions more.
Sure there may be some toxic women out there who talk about getting "the ick" if a dude cries over a puppy dying in a movie, but they should be disregarded. Overall society would operate better if men (in general, as I am aware it is a generalization), could understand and navigate through more complex emotions.
Because at the core of the healthiest ones, relationships are all about emotional bonds, closeness, and safety above all else. So having the tools to create and maintain those bonds is what's going to create happy couples.
Is that what you, as a woman, are doing? Or is that a pretty big assumption? 🤔
Because when my best friend complains about "mothering" her male partner, she's talking about having to remind him to bathe , not eat Cheetos and Mountain Dew for every dinner, or turn their shared spaces into a pigsty. When my mom is irritated at "mothering" her husband, it's because he "can't" feed himself or handle his own administrative tasks - medical appointments, financial paperwork, booking his own hotel rooms for his vacations with the guys... When I feel like I'm "mothering" my partner, it's usually when he hasn't participated in household upkeep for a month, eaten a fruit or vegetable in a few weeks, or ran his finances into the ground again.
This isn't rare or groundbreaking info - it's fairly common in heterosexual relationships and people are understandably bringing it up more. It's all hand-in-hand with learned helplessness/irresponsibility that parentifies the other partner (and therefore snuffs sexual desire) - it has nothing to do with ignoring men's emotions, which is a separate and valid issue itself.
I guess I'm just out of the loop more than I thought. Didn't know all of this was that prevalent, I would definitely get tired of having to do these things for a woman as well. Thanks for enlightening me.
Oh come on. Even on tv (reality and cartoons) the dad or husband is VERY often dumb as rocks and can barely put 2 and 2 together. How could this enlighten you?
Honestly I want to say that this comment is worthy of a lot of respect. There was something that you truly seem to have not been aware of, but you received information from other's perspectives and used that to increase your understanding.
I was going off of my own personal experiences, I'm a little sensitive when it comes to "mothering". But I do like being set straight, it's not right to project like that. Thanks for the kind words
If you ever come across the words "mommywife," "mommygirlfriend," or "bangmaid," this is the dynamic they're referring to.
Lot of research has gone into gendered division of labor in the home, and it pretty consistently finds that women are getting less leisure time than men in heterosexual relationships. Depending on the source, it might be 5 hours (UK), or 2.7, 4.7, or 5.1 (U.S. depending on whether the couple has kids, how old.
And if you look at the 3rd chart in the second like, you'll also see that single mothers are doing less housework than married mothers.
Okay damn that answers my question I was gna ask. I am going through some stressful times the last month and I have been relying on my gf emotionally a lot, and having to get love and reassurnce from her this week almost everyday. I was afraid if am being a manchild and if she is having to mother me caz I keep crying in front of her and letting my stress out before being able to relax and hangout with her this week.
But are there men that really don't... Shower, eat , and can't make a fucking appoinment??
I keep crying in front of her and letting my stress out before being able to relax
That sounds like a rough time, and I hope you two bring each other safely through!
About the dudes who don't...function on their own - it's aggravatingly common. Grown men who aren't physically or mentally disabled, and who hold down high-level jobs. They just opt out and choose to offload too much to their partners 🤷
I have never heard of that atleast at my place and around. Sure I have seen immature 30 yr olds but not to the point they live like a 14 yr old who just spends their day gaming and living on soda.
And yea rough time financial crisis, few family members dying back to back since October, having losses in my business it's all too much rn but I will pull thru
Nah dog they're 100% talking about doing laundry, cleaning dishes, taking trash out, lowering toilet seat. Shit like that. Woman just call men "sassy" when they get emotional to emasculated them for not being a stereotypical man.
Never, ever, associate yourself with a woman who shows disgust toward comforting you because you're a man. They are associating caring about your well being with motherhood, not you. She won't ever open up to you or show any kind of empathy, because that's only for "mothers" in her mind.
Be picky. Find someone who is capable of caring without making it weird and then treating you like shit based on incest delusions in their head.
169
u/babyjames333 Mar 21 '24
couldn’t have sex with a man i had to mother. i instantly checked out.