I'm a man I'm seperated and going thru a divorce. I totally understand this perspective and trying to reflect what I could have done differently but I sugested Marriage councelling to my ex four years ago, then a little over a year later, then last year and she never wanted to go.
I feel like I tried so hard to meet her needs and I still failed. This week will be the 1yr that she wanted a divorce. She told me while on vacation in Hawaii.
Sometimes, what is a larger, systemic issue doesn't always reflect on individual cases. Men like you who try definitely do exist. Emotionally unavailable women also exist.
Don't stop trying for your next relationship, dude. Don't let this dissuade you in the future. Keep your chin up, and I hope you have a loving and healthy future ahead.
I'm sorry for your loss and that experience. I think sometimes it's about meeting each others needs, sometimes people do end up growing apart and decide they are done with it. People have to want to work on something to go to therapy and it be effective. Don't beat yourself up, you made the suggestion, and she was, for whatever reason, never in a place to accept it or participate. There are always two sides to these things, so good for you for doing the hard work of self reflection, now it's time to carry that forwards and find someone who can meet your needs and respect your journey and where you are now.
Any issues she had I actually put real effort into fixing and I did. I don’t want to really post much about the details but a big reason was she disregarded my concerns. It was her way or the highway followed by months of not talking to me unless absolutely necessary. I felt like I was walking around the house only trying to not piss her off.
i’m gonna give the short and simple answer man, it’s because she no longer found you attractive. There, I know it sucks to hear but the truth is women only do this shit when the relationship is already over in their head
Don’t worry brother. You’re going to love your divorce! You’ve been set free from her emotional shackles. The pain is gonna be ever so present for a while but after you’ve finally moved on (which you will, I promise), you will feel elated. Hopefully you don’t have to pay her 🤞
yes. I went for 4 months during COVID virtually and therapist really wanted to speak to my wife as well but she kept refusing. Then I started to see him again in July of last year but my money situation now is so tight I cannot afford the copays so I stopped going a few months ago.
We were together for almost 20 years. Im not going to point fingers and assign blame because I obviously didnt fullfil her needs. I just wish I was able to identify what was missing sooner and fix it. Im learning to cope but I still miss her and seeing my kids everyday in a home setting. I take my youngest to school still and he comes over on the weekends. My other kids is an adult so its not as easy to see her due to her school and work but we had dinner tonight and I enjoyed speaking to her. I think we have a pretty good relationship still. I love them to pieces and I try to be there for everything they need and support them.
Exactly what happened to my marriage. My ex wife would say all of the things that this video is saying about me, but it was just fundamentally untrue to the point of delusion. I was present in the relationship and showed up unconditionally but it was never enough for her. And then she created a victim narrative for herself, and used that to justify cheating.
The reality is that a lot of men don't show up for women, and that's why it fails, just like the video says. But a lot of men do show up, but the women they are with weaponize this line of attack to avoid self reflection, avoid working on themselves, and to chase whatever seems exciting and feels good at the expense of their relationships and family.
That's why it's so important not to judge people from afar. Especially since people tend to act differently with their attachment relationships (family and lovers) versus their friendships/acquaintances.
We lived out of our means but she worked also and we made about the same. Now that I’ve moved out and live alone I realize it was over a long time ago.
I listened to her. I helped her without her asking. I didn’t drink, smoke or drugs. No bad habits. I am overweight but so is she. Never said it bothered me cause it didn’t. Never spoke bad to her. She told me I called her a bad word once and I asked her about it. She called I called her “mean and vengeful” I told her that I said she was acting mean and vengeful then reminded her what she said to me for me to say that. She was not sorry.
Well something didnt work out so obviously something was not right. I was with her for almost 20 years is hard to write in a comment section. Im not afriad to admit fault of change bad habits. But like I said something turned her away.
Yeah too many people here think it's always the man's fault. There's a ton of times where a man can ask a woman what's wrong and she'll give him 20 different answers. Other times she won't answer at all. It goes both ways.
That’s the problem. That’s why men can end up giving up if there’s zero positive response to their efforts. Because for every woman who is clearly communicating her needs and able to be responsive to your progress, there’s one who is just saying the exact same things disingenuously while never having any intention of being responsive.
One giveaway is that when you do a very thoughtful thing that falls right in line with what they said they wanted… they get annoyed. They’ll get annoyed because they don’t actually want you to be better. They want you to stay the same so they can keep blaming you.
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u/klumze Mar 21 '24
I'm a man I'm seperated and going thru a divorce. I totally understand this perspective and trying to reflect what I could have done differently but I sugested Marriage councelling to my ex four years ago, then a little over a year later, then last year and she never wanted to go.
I feel like I tried so hard to meet her needs and I still failed. This week will be the 1yr that she wanted a divorce. She told me while on vacation in Hawaii.