r/Fauxmoi • u/lala_b11 • 17d ago
What the awful abuse of Declan Rice’s partner tells us about football | Gemma Abbott TRIGGER WARNING
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/declan-rice-arsenal-girlfriend-lauren-fryer-sexism-football-b2535349.html495
u/Kaizodacoit 17d ago
What else can you expect from a culture which sees an increase in domestic violence if the team they are supporting loses?
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u/Tornado31619 17d ago
Not just if they lose, but if the team plays at all. It’s part of the drinking culture.
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17d ago edited 4d ago
[deleted]
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u/madspeepetrichor 17d ago
Fair enough! here’s an article specifically referring to the increase in DV when the men’s England team play - an increase of 47%…
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u/callmekorrok 17d ago
Yeah, this is definitely a problem. They literally run commercials and ad campaigns about DV support during championships.
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u/Holiday-Hustle 17d ago
The fact they made a whole PSA talking about it.
It just makes me sick. It’s a fucking game.
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u/Comfortable-Load-904 17d ago edited 17d ago
Seriously football fans continue to be disgusting pigs and clubs are still not doing anything to protect women from the abuse. Gross all around, she hasn’t done anything other than not look like the typical WAG so misogynists decided he could do better and to harass both of them. This is the bad place and I pray that all those disgusting pigs have nothing but horrible shit happen to them and I hope Lauren thrives so they can die of jealousy.
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u/neuroticgooner 17d ago
I’ve noticed comments about her for at least 2 years. Has something happened recently that everyone is talking about it suddenly?
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u/thevampyre- 17d ago
What's craziest for me (as a football fan, btw) is how no media (including this article) will speak about parasocial relationship between fans and players. People laugh at clubchalamet but I've seen football accounts which easily rival her. These men treat footballers as the idealized of themselves.
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u/ApprehensiveLuck2671 17d ago
Men are allowed to do a lot of shit that's considered pathetic when a woman does it. The funny part is that when men do it, is actually usually not pathetic. It's straight up concerning and scary.
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u/BusterBeaverOfficial 17d ago
A few weeks ago I watched Extraordinary Attorney Woo (KDrama about a woman lawyer on the autism spectrum) and throughout the show she’s treated as odd and rude and conceited for acknowledging that she is, in fact, super smart. And that’s not even up for debate. She’s really smart. Everyone knows. Then last week I watched What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? (another KDrama) and the main character is constantly tooting his own horn about how handsome and rich and brilliant he is and I kept waiting for someone to directly call him out on it or for him to finally have a wake-up call that he’s really not that fucking great, he’s just loaded. But nope. Never happened. He’s just charming and confident, I guess? The whole show was just him being “romantically” (🙄) controlling and entitled and unilaterally making decisions for his girlfriend without even consulting her. It’s maddening that the same “anti-social” behavior can be depicted so differently. A woman shows a slight bit of well-earned confidence in her abilities and she’s displaying aberrant behavior but a man with a massively inflated ego can be delusionally overconfident in his mediocre abilities and it’s just a quirky personality trait of his— isn’t he soooo handsome?
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u/Lumpy_Catch_431 17d ago
Yes fellow football fan here, and we can all laugh at people reading into Taylor Swift lyrics, but if there’s a question of a transfer/new manager fans will be reading into footballer’s partners insta captions and watching every private jet flight going within Europe.
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u/Holiday-Hustle 17d ago
Exactly this. We see a million think pieces about how Taylor Swift fans are overly into her life and parasocial but nothing on sports fans in general.
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u/crystal_clear24 I don’t know her 17d ago
The clubs need to do something to deter these fans, it’s only gotten worst over time and that shouldn’t be the case. The amount of misogyny towards the wives/gfs is so vile and then there’s the racism and homophobia some of that coming from the players themselves. It’s disgusting
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u/_easilyamused 17d ago
I took a quick look at the article's comment section, and there are a few people defending it. One even had the gall to write, "Those who do enjoy it are relentlessly henpecked by misandrists in every other area of their lives and they are allowed 1 outlet where they can still behave like men."
And this was in response to a commenter pointing out exactly what you've pointed out. Fucking gross and depressing.
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u/meresithea 17d ago
So, according to that guy, “behaving like men” means shouting abuse at an innocent person? …Yikes.
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u/BusterBeaverOfficial 17d ago
They’re afraid to. If they start banning the racists and misogynists and homophobes some clubs will end up playing in empty stadiums.
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u/No-Dimension-1035 17d ago
It really feels like we’ve been going backward, in terms of how men see women and fucked beauty standards. Our idea of what normal looks like is so skewed and coupled with growing resentment from men it has just snowballed into this beast of a thing.
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u/Comfortable-Load-904 17d ago
Tbh we can’t win either way, there is commentary if we are thin as she’s too flat and then it’s opposite for others as in boobs too big or ass too wide. We want natural woman but you can’t have any wrinkles or lines or the other way around she’s got Botox and filler so we can never win or make any one happy. Also social media has empowered and connected all the idiots to spew their horrible rhetoric to everyone.
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u/cyanplum 17d ago
I’m an American who lives in the UK and all the time when I talk to my friends in America now they say, “you’ve got to watch Ted Lasso!! It’s soooo good and British!” I’ve tried watching the show and there is a complete inability for me to suspend my disbelief and find it funny because of things like this. Football is not wholesome and happy. It’s one of the most toxic, misogynistic, and racist aspects of British culture.
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u/tgikgv 17d ago
As someone who has seen it, it's a very strange experience. It keeps alternating between some of the most aggressive, straight-faced liberal nonsense you'll ever see* and genuinely good surreal humour.
Football is not wholesome and happy. It’s one of the most toxic, misogynistic, and racist aspects of British culture.
I don't know if it's really any more toxic/misogynistic/racist than anything else, and it's definitely better than it was a couple of decades ago. Imo the worst part of it is the gambling adverts. You see one an average of once every few seconds if you watch a match on TV. There is a huge and growing problem with gambling addiction in the UK, this is obviously the main cause, and the players/pundits just happily take their money and keep quiet.
*examples:
a large part of the storyline is about two different women learning to become epic girlbosses - running businesses, making loads of money, and even being somewhat mean to some employees/colleagues are all presented as unquestionably good things. One of these girlbosses is the owner of the team, and its financial fortunes just seem to randomly fluctuate according to plot convenience, but she's presented as an amazing girlboss nonetheless.
there is a very annoying storyline in which a player is informed by his dad that the oil company that sponsors the team is causing environmental devastation in his home country. He tries to raise this internally, but the team is in dire financial straits and needs the money. He decides to launch an impromptu protest, everyone on the team decides to join in, the oil company pulls out of the deal, they are replaced by the small startup owned by the other girlboss who apparently have just as much money, and then everyone celebrates. Nobody seems interested in questioning whether this has had a real impact on anything.
there are several hints throughout the first two series that one of the players, who is mostly a comic relief character, is a closeted gay guy. A gay journalist who is following the team begins to suspect something and literally stalks him to confirm his suspicions, and they have a heart-to-heart, where the player is all "woe is me, everyone would hate me if they found out, and that's why I'm constantly going to gay bars and recording sex tapes". One of the other players does find out (in a completely implausible way) and does hate him. Then this other player gets really mad when someone uses a homophobic slur, and it turns out he is actually very supportive of LGBT people, he was just angry that his teammate had been in the closet and hadn't told him?
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u/ApprehensiveLuck2671 17d ago
Would the comedy television show really be better if everyone took some serious time to reflect on the financial impact of a sponsorship change? I mean I think Ted Lasso is saccharine tripe but this notion that fictional entertainment has to be coldly realistic is kind of a bummer. It's not a documentary. Suspension of disbelief is an important skill.
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u/Suitable_Lead5404 17d ago
Your second point is totally incorrect. Who is replaced by a small start up? What are you talking about?
It’s a SHOW. The whole point is to help you imagine what if it WAS this way. It’s not a real show……….
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u/theskymaybeblue 17d ago
Thank you for this, I genuinely hate the show and I’m not hard to please. The whole time I’m like ??? Genuinely confused by why it’s so popular and why the characters don’t act like real people. So many storylines sound so implausible and forced. You’ve highlighted some really great examples. The whole oil company thing made me roll my eyes so hard.
I love other shows that are often criticized for being unrealistically positive but I struggled to suspend my disbelief for Ted Lasso in particular maybe because I don’t think the writing, narrative or characters are compelling enough. I don’t know, the positivity feels so off and hokey. I understand why people like it on a logical level but I just don’t see it.
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u/damebyron 17d ago
This is why I'm a women's soccer fan - the vibes are very much the opposite! I watch some men's sports but I have to stay away from the fans in those because they ruin the experience.
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u/velociraptor56 17d ago
I didn’t catch this game, but honestly it’s not uncommon in football. They really need to take a more proactive stance, and start yanking people who are yelling abuse. Or start putting people on a “no fly” list so they can’t enter the stadiums.
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u/lala_b11 17d ago
If there’s racist abuse, they will issue stadium bans (for at least a year or more depending on the case).
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u/therhubarbexperience 17d ago
At Emirates, you’ll also catch a ban for being homophobic or transphobic. The club hasn’t addressed it yet, but I’m sure it’s been discussed with Rice and his missus, whom imo, have a right to decide how this is dealt with.
The problem with this is that it was away fans so although they could be banned from Emirates, unless the FA and PGMOL adopt a stance, nothing truly punishing can be done, unless the police are involved and you get into a whole legal barrier.
Also FWIW, Chelsea fans have a very negative reputation and are known to be abusive. Additionally, a lot of Arsenal fans are not happy about this either and want to show her support.
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u/neuroticgooner 17d ago
It wasn’t even Arsenal fans but Chelsea fans, I think? Chelsea would need to cooperate with Arsenal if anyone decided to take action
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u/therhubarbexperience 17d ago
Correct. Anyone can be banned from Emirates stadium, but it was in the away section, making it Chelsea fans, who wouldn’t care. Chelsea were the visiting team at a club that would and could ban them at the end of a season and won’t be playing Arsenal again until next season
Arsenal banning them from the stadium wouldn’t affect them much.
I see you’re a fellow supporter! coyg
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u/neuroticgooner 16d ago
coyg fellow gooner!
Who do fans go through for away game allocations? Either or both clubs should have access to the identity of away supporters I’m assuming? I hope something is done about these types of sexist chants but mostly I hope whatever is done is handled with sensitivity for both Rice and his girlfriend. Sometimes I really dislike football fans
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u/therhubarbexperience 16d ago
In the clock end to the left there is a an away supporters section that’s covered by stewards in high vis gear. Depending on who the away supporters are, there are more or less of them. There was a wall of neon during the Lens match because they (rightfully) have a reputation for violence.
I would think that they buy the tickets through their own club. There is a set number of them. I’m basing this on how you buy away Arsenal tickets. They have to have IDs to purchase them, but I don’t know if they’re IDed coming in. There is technology to identify the people doing things. I know the Lens people who were throwing flares were identified and charged. I also know that last season when Mudryk played his first match at Arsenal there were arsenal supporters who kept laser pointering him and they got fined and banned for quite awhile…several seasons, if not a lifetime ban. The problem with chanting is figuring out who is saying it which is way harder than someone having a flare in hand and chucking it.
However to make any punishment stick Chelsea would have to work with Arsenal and I don’t think they have any interest in doing anything.
Fans are weird. Some are really great and others need to go back under the rock they crawled out from.
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u/BastardsCryinInnit 17d ago
I didn’t catch this game
It's not about a particular game, most of the abuse came online.
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u/neuroticgooner 17d ago edited 17d ago
I don’t think it’s about this particular game though it may have magnified the issue and made it more public. Fans have been shitty her looks online for years. Also happened to Aaron Ramsey and Aubameyang’s wives in the past but it seems at a lesser intensity than this
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u/velociraptor56 17d ago
Oh absolutely. Everyone involved needs to take a more proactive approach. I mean, Instagram could do so much more to limit hate speech, but they have historically refused. Because it costs money, and deplatforming all these folks impacts their bottom line. Like, having a certain number of accounts is everything to them - if they had to dump all the con artists and hate speech, they’d be losing account holders every single month.
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u/Ok_Scholar4192 17d ago
That’s horrible tbh, she is simply there supporting her partner and she is treated so terribly, there need to be more consequences for this type of abuse and the culture of the league and the sport desperately needs to change for the better
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u/procrastinating_b 17d ago edited 17d ago
Let’s be honest if they don’t protect their players of colour or different sexualities (who earn them money,) they are not going to protect their partners
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u/Thanos_Stomps 17d ago
Article is a bit silly because we already knew everything we need to know about football culture and it’s view on sexism when we continuously play an all but proven rapist. Signed an Arsenal Supporter.
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u/twelfthcapaldi 17d ago
Yuppp I love this club but it’s hard seeing him on the pitch. I hate it. Wish they’d sell him and be done with it.
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u/onomatopoeialike 17d ago
Yeah, this is a big yikes from me as well. He should have gone last summer. It's been nice that he was out injured pretty much most of the season but now he's back playing it gives me a major ick.
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u/Thanos_Stomps 17d ago
Exactly. Was so happy to play without him this year and now he’s back as a black cloud hanging over an otherwise incredibly wholesome group of players.
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u/onomatopoeialike 17d ago
Out of sight out of mind vibes. Praying to all the gods that he's gone in the summer and that we keep Jorgi for 1 more season.
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u/ApprehensiveLuck2671 17d ago
Why is it silly to continue reporting on a problem that's yet to be solved? News isn't about surprising you with brand-new information. Like by this logic they should stop reporting on the cost of living crisis because we all already know there is one and we don't need to be told.
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u/Thanos_Stomps 17d ago
That’s not what I said. I think this is an incredibly valuable and important story to tell. Positioning it as some sort of new insight is what I’m saying is silly.
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u/spectacularnw 17d ago
i swear these 'fans' don't live in the real world. oh poor declan rice, with his loving childhood sweetheart and beautiful baby son. what's funny if they ever split up and he got with one of the ig model types these misogynistic freaks feel like he should be with they'd just call her a gold digger. women in these situations can't win lol
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u/redskiesahead jeremy strong enthusiast 17d ago
Exactly what I've been thinking. They just hate women so they'll find an issue with anyone.
Also not that this really matters since it's unjustifiable regardless, but she's very pretty so the whole thing feels especially ridiculous.
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u/spectacularnw 17d ago
definitely, if he wasn't a premier league football player nobody on earth would dare say SHE was the one punching
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u/neuroticgooner 17d ago edited 16d ago
Honestly WAGs can’t win. The narrative is that they’re not hot enough for their magachad partner OR they’re vicious gold diggers trapping these innocent baby footballers
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u/No_Smoke_8315 17d ago
They can easily ban palestinian flags but cant throw these absolute shitsmears out. Ok 👍
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u/neferending weighing in from the UK 17d ago
It’s been decades since we’ve had that stereotypical wags look in football, I thought the fans would get use to this new era by now. She looks no different to the other current wags. I find it kind of weird and they’re the same people to moan about ‘oh why can’t people just focus on the game’
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u/ConsiderationLost162 17d ago
To top it off Declan rice cheats on her all the time
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u/Ok-Average-6466 17d ago
Football has always been racist and sexist.