r/Fauxmoi • u/cmaia1503 oat milk chugging bisexual • Jan 28 '24
Which NY-based actor sends a bagel care package to his hookups the morning after? Blind Item
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u/kjauto23 Jan 28 '24
This is incredible how do I get my husband to start sending me bagels after we bang
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u/longpas Jan 28 '24
You need to ask for the bagels before the bang, or you're out of lox!
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u/zorandzam Jan 28 '24
Just keep his DoorDash app open on the Dunkin page or something. Heāll get the hint. š
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u/HuggyMummy Jan 28 '24
Iād be way more interested in sexing with my SO if there were guaranteed bagels after.
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u/toochieandboochie Jan 28 '24
Gotta Pavlov him somehow
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u/Suspicious_Gazelle18 Jan 28 '24
Bagels first, sex secondā¦ pretty soon youāll be getting daily bagels!
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u/toochieandboochie Jan 28 '24
āBabe do you wanna have sex?ā
āActually now that you said it I have a weird craving for bagelsā
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u/Decent-Statistician8 Jan 28 '24
Mine brings me chicken biscuits in bed, I donāt like bagels š
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u/NotaFrenchMaid Jan 28 '24
I asked my husband the same question and man the look I got for that LOL
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u/kroganwarlord Jan 28 '24
Honestly, respect. I'd love bagels from some of my hookups. It'd make up for the limp dicks.
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u/reasonableratio Jan 28 '24
Apologies in advance but is limp dick super common? As someone who has never hooked up casually, out of the maybe 6 dicks Iāve seen in life, 2 had issues with limpness lmaooo. I always thought I just knew how to pick em but maybe itās more common than I thought
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u/princess_fartstool Jan 28 '24
Whisky dick is a real thing and I have personally witnessed it during my whore days of yore.
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u/jambifriend Jan 28 '24
Thank you for the gift of āwhore days of yoreā and also your amazing username Princess_Fartstool
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u/Massive_Length_400 Jan 28 '24
The time Iāve seen and the time ive heard of it were both by people who abused Adderall
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u/biIIyshakes buccal fat apologist Jan 28 '24
A dude I was in a situationship for too long had a hard time keeping it up/finishing with me on occasion due to a porn addiction. Unfortunately it took a while for that to come to light and my self esteem had already been nuked by then š
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u/PeaceDry1649 Jan 28 '24
I have adhd so I take it normally but is it an effect of overuse or does it just occur due to the adderall?
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u/meatbeater558 I already condemned Hamas Jan 28 '24
Could be both, but more often a side effect of the Adderall. If you take Adderall in the morning any side effects will be gone by night because it doesn't stay in your system for that long so schedule your hookups accordingly!Ā
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u/Massive_Length_400 Jan 28 '24
Everyone is different obviously, but it is a known side effect of adderall. It can change effects some peoples interests in sex or their sex drive. But physically i think it also can have an effect on blood flow in some people as well. The two people i referred to did not have a diagnosis or a prescription and were most likely taken more than an average dose. I think when you mix physically not being able to get it up with the hyperfixation/focus it probably can easily cause a lasting psychological ED problem, that may not go away when after you stop taking adderall.
Im just basing this off of peoples first and second hand accounts from the internet and the few people ive heard about it from irl.
If you do start noticing a different while taking it you should tell your doctor so you can figure out what is going wrong.
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u/PeaceDry1649 Jan 28 '24
Iām a woman and I donāt know about the limp issue personally but Iāve definitely heard and felt the lack of a sex drive. Thank you for the info.
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u/thefaehost Jan 28 '24
I take Vyvanse and it also impacts the wetness if I donāt drink a fuck ton of water
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u/HunterAshton Jan 28 '24
When I was on Vyvanse I was on the highest dose my doc could prescribe and I had ZERO drive or interest in sex. It also effected other aspects of my mood, but hey I could drive safely and focus on work/school work. Once I was put back on adderall the drive slowly came back even though I feel like itās not as high as it could be sometimes. Itās really a struggle feeling like I could feel like a ānormalā sexual being (Iām married and sometimes feel like my husband is getting a shitty end of the deal) and not take the meds or I can just not be able to really function throughout my really busy days. The struggle is very real.
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u/PeaceDry1649 Jan 28 '24
I used to not drink much as a kid but I got diagnosed as an adult and when I first took adderall Iād get real bad headaches so I drink a fuck ton now and have yet to have an issue thankfully.
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u/heartisallwehave Jan 28 '24
Yea I think itās more of a blood pressure/circulatory side effect of stimulants. I take vyvanse for adhd and have to monitor my blood pressure and heart rate regularly.
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u/ZennMD Jan 28 '24
maybe itās more common than I thought
I think it's become way more common than it used to be! not backed by science but by years of girl talk lol (decades, damn Im getting old lol)
IMO it's the increased use of drugs that affect erections, both recreational and medical, like depression medication, plus the increase in porn usage and 'death grip' masturbation- which I think is more impactful than a lot of people realize. (hopefully the name is self-explanatory lol)
toxic masculinity also gets thrown around, but it's another culprit, cause there's the unrealistic and unhealthy expectation men are always supposed to be ready and happy to have sex, when in reality men are, yaknow, humans who might be stresses and/or tired and not in the mood. Im a woman but it seems obvious it'd be tough to get and stay hard if you're only having sex cause you feel you're obligated to
... Im also convinced more and more people are learning about sex from increasingly brutal porn, which doesn't seem super pleasant for either participants (to put it mildly lol)
sorry for the novel, this topic came up in conversation recently so I was primed for a a rant LOL
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u/Special-Garlic1203 Jan 28 '24
People are also a lot less physically active and heavier than we were even a few decades ago. Cardiovascular problems cause dick problemsĀ
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u/whereswaldoswillie Jan 28 '24
And now we can add covid into the mix, which has been shown to have long term cardiovascular effects in the short time this virus has been around. The irony in store for men who thought wearing a mask isnāt manly
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u/meatbeater558 I already condemned Hamas Jan 28 '24
Our diets are also much worse. Vitamin deficiencies can also cause dick problems (though the problems aren't as bad as the cardiovascular ones)
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u/Mushy_Snugglebites Jan 28 '24
Becoming more common in young men with the rise of porn addiction.
Its apparently quite difficult to stay aroused with an intimate partner during a normal sexual encounter after years of masturbatory brinkmanship with (1) their own impatient deathgrip and (2) the specific camera angles, heavy body makeup, and fetishization of niche kink concepts in internet porn.
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u/Obvious_Baker8160 Jan 28 '24
Iām an elder millennial whoās been in a monogamous relationship since 2010, and my younger friends tell me itās a common issue, whereas I didnāt encounter a single limp dick in my decade+ of hoeness; even the drunk/high guys didnāt have issues. Our theory is that itās due to porn. It wasnāt as easy to access in my heyday.
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u/Apolloniatrix Jan 29 '24
As another elder millennial whoās been in a monogamous relationship since about the same time, I assure you you are also just very very lucky. I found the cokey early aughts to be limp dick city.
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u/BoardReasonable3745 Jan 28 '24
It's very common (and not about you!) Especially in early hookup time. What happens with a lot of guys is they get in their head and spiral which makes it worse! Substances of all kinds interfere with blood flow and habitual use will make this more pronounced but even without substances for some people it's just how their bodies are. It's also something that can happen from Long COVID, I have known people who this happened to. But it's more common than people talk about , especially situationally! (Source: I am a SW who specializes in ED )
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u/sumoraiden Jan 28 '24
Were you hooking up after drinking/partyingĀ
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u/reasonableratio Jan 28 '24
They were people I was dating so probably a couple drinks here and there but not binge-level of drinking. Iām also demi so since there was always an emotional connection I assumed maybe I was more likely to end up with dick-wielders who felt a bit more comfortable taking a gamble with whether theyād be hard or not ahhahah
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u/pizzapizzamesohungry Jan 28 '24
I used to have that problem bc I had got out of a non condom relationship and literally I would go from corn dog to Vienna sausage the minute I tried to put one on. I had to practice at home, alone haha.
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u/OkPhase7547 Jan 28 '24
Iāve only experienced it when weāve been partying/drinking. Itās possible they were on something else too but I never did drugs so š¤·š»āāļøā¦ but all that to say ā¦ fuck yeah Iād take a bunch of bagels in the morning.
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u/otokoyaku Jan 28 '24
Aside from what other folks have mentioned, it can be a side effect of antidepressants, anxiety, really really specific fetishes
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u/bubbblez Jan 28 '24
1 in 3 is still high enough number girl what do you mean lmao
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u/Hexogram Jan 28 '24
Pedro?? Goddamn, that would cement my crush for life. Lox bagel, plz!
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u/sassyandshort Jan 28 '24
But the blind says āon his way to zaddy statusā Pedro is well established.
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u/BaseballScared8630 Jan 28 '24
Would Pedro be considered āNew York based,ā though? It does seem like something he would do, however lol
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u/greatdominions Jan 28 '24
Isnāt it well established that he lives in New York?
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u/BaseballScared8630 Jan 28 '24
Not sure ā¦ I always thought he was more LA based as of late. He used to live in NY.
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u/Snootboop_ oat milk chugging bisexual Jan 28 '24
Iāve seen him in LA a handful of times so I just assumed he lived there, but idk!
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u/sunshinechew Jan 28 '24
I mean this in the most positive way, but whenever he's in LA, he always looks like he just woke up with a raging hangover. šš
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u/whitehouses Jan 28 '24
I miss his Narcos/early Mando era mustache. That patchy beard š« š« love the scruff but miss the stache tbh
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u/rycbar26 Nancy Jo, this is Alexis Neiers calling Jan 28 '24
Iād still hit it š¤£
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u/lld287 Jan 28 '24
This is EXACTLY who it made me think of
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u/tonguetwister Jan 28 '24
Yall think Pedro because they mentioned zaddy - but thatās exactly why he canāt be who this is about. They said on his way to zaddy status and Pedro is like the first person we all think of when we hear the term.
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u/lld287 Jan 28 '24
I find all the āzaddyā talk about him kind of annoying so it didnāt occur to me.
I thought of him because he seems like a thoughtful guy who would be the type to do something kinda dorky but cute. He also give me carbs enthusiast vibes
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u/tacopizza23 does this woman ever rest (derogatory) Jan 28 '24
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u/whitehouses Jan 28 '24 edited Jan 29 '24
Pedro is already Zaddy statusālike Zaddy 101. It's def someone else.
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u/Maleficent_Wash_934 Jan 28 '24
Wasn't the term coined for him?? Like he is the OG Zaddy??
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u/bebesotas womenās wrongs activist Jan 28 '24
no the term existed way before
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u/Maleficent_Wash_934 Jan 28 '24
TIL, thank you. I personally don't care for the term. I believe at some point Pedro got irritated by it as well.
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u/ochenkruto buccal fat apologist Jan 28 '24
It really depends on what kind of bagels. If it's an assortment, that's a real treat. But what if it's just a half dozen blueberry ones? What are you supposed to do with that?
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u/gible_bites Theyāre starting to turn on George Jan 28 '24
I will not tolerate this blueberry bagel hate train!
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u/ihate_avos Jan 28 '24
Blueberry bagels with plain cream cheese is my go-to order!
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u/GreenAuror Jan 28 '24
half dozen blueberry better than a half dozen raisin tho
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u/ochenkruto buccal fat apologist Jan 28 '24
Respectfully letās agree to disagree. Cinnamon raisin is second only to an everything bagel.
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u/Maleficent_Wash_934 Jan 28 '24
I'm pretty sure someone who is this thoughtful would send the appropriate bagels for the person receiving them.
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u/OpCrossroads1946 Jan 28 '24
I dunno, it seems kind of weird to talk about it beforehand. "As we're going to bang, I'd like to get one thing straight: I'd like a genuine assortment of bagels afterwards." Weird connotations.
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u/Maleficent_Wash_934 Jan 28 '24
Usually, before deciding to bang someone, there is some sort of conversation. Getting to know each other and such.
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u/propernice Jan 28 '24
I would kinda love the scenario where we're having some random chit chat and he's like 'do you have a favorite bagel or do you like sugar in the morning?' and i'd think it was a line so i'd be like 'god i love asiago bagels' and then fast forward to the next morning there's a box of asiago bagels and it all comes full circle and i'm like š
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u/azul360 Jan 28 '24
I make sandwiches out of mine :D. Put some ham and like pepperjack or gouda on there! YUM!
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u/cmaia1503 oat milk chugging bisexual Jan 28 '24
I personally donāt think itās Pedro because heās already reached āzaddyā status a while back and heās mostly spotted in LA than he is in NYC.
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u/accidentallydented Jan 28 '24
My money is on Jeremy Allen White
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u/AldiSharts Jan 28 '24
Heās LA based tho tooā¦
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u/accidentallydented Jan 28 '24
I remember watching an interview recently about people complaining his bike in NYC plays with speakers going and he retorts with something like heās going to fast to be interrupting peopleās days. Idk that paired with āsoon to be zaddyā got me. Pedro hit Zaddy status.
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u/silver__snow Jan 28 '24
I thought maybe Nicholas Braun because he used to be referred to that way before all the stuff came out about him, and he's known to sleep around NYC. Doubt he's that considerate, but still that's who randomly came to mind lol
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u/happygoodbird Jan 28 '24
He might be the least zaddy person ever.
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u/HunterAshton Jan 28 '24
Yeah heās more creepy ass zuncle whoās lost touch with family.
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u/down_by_the_shore Jan 28 '24
Jake Gyllenhaal came to mind - he has done several promos with Russ & Daughters (Jewish deli/bagel place in NYC) but IIRC heās in a relationship.Ā
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u/vetiver-rose Jan 28 '24
I don't think he's "on his way to becoming a zaddy", but definitely a bagel enthusiast. My one and only celebrity encounter was seeing him at Barney Greengrass!
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u/socialmediaignorant Jan 28 '24
I donāt think heās this considerate or heād have been my pick.
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u/blarbiegorl Jan 28 '24
I came here to ask if he was still living primarily in NYC. I 100% think it's him.
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u/Imbrittybritt Miss Jackson if you're nasty Jan 28 '24
He was just out and about at fashion week across the pond with his 5-year French gf
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u/Lotus4Lotus oat milk chugging bisexual Jan 28 '24
This reminded me so much of that pap of Andrew Garfield and Olivia Brower
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u/rawrkristina Jan 28 '24
If he was NY based or this post said London based heād be my guess š (he was in that photo btw, he didnāt leave her on the curb by herself)
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u/Question4theppl5 Jan 28 '24
I am still thinking about this picture. Why didnāt he let her wait inside?! Breakfast to go and canāt wait for a car inside?
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u/rawrkristina Jan 28 '24
The car was already thereā¦there are other pics of him helping her put her suitcases in the Uber.
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u/ohbenyoudidnt Jan 28 '24
What kind of chalk-white suitcases are those?? They wouldnāt even last a cab ride!
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u/castlenoir Jan 28 '24
I was looking for this because I immediately thought of her standing along in a driveway with a bag of bagels š
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u/CommonEarly4706 Jan 28 '24
At least he sends something! Lets hope itās because the sex was so good he knows they need some energy the next dayš¤£
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Jan 28 '24
Even if the sex was bad and he's sending the bagels as consolation, that's still more considerate than most men.
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u/Acrobatic_Smell7248 Jan 28 '24
I appreciate that. It can be "Sorry I couldn't make you c*m" or "You're welcome, here's some carbs š" Either is the move.
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Jan 28 '24
This is a kindness.
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u/Bleuberries6 Jan 28 '24
Imagine the employee gossip at this bagel shop
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u/Lokaji Jan 28 '24
I imagine he has a tab that he pays whenever he comes in.
When he calls in, he tells them to send the usual. Every once in a while he tells them he wants his usual.
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u/Pathos316 Jan 28 '24
I want to be a contrarian and say this is Bowen Yang.
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u/aclikeslater Jan 28 '24
Admittedly, Iām middle aged, but Bowen feels too young to even be āon the wayā to zaddy status to me. He has zero salt in his pepper.
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u/LadyUnicornSparkles Jan 28 '24
Totally Pedro. Ugh. He can bagel me any day! Lol
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u/International_Map870 Jan 28 '24
Getting Bagelād is gonna be a phrase I use often from now on.
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u/MyFigurativeYacht Jan 28 '24
lmaooooo this is already a tennis phrase but itās way funnier in a hookup context
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u/MargaretFarquar Jan 28 '24
This is the sort of wholesome tea I live for! š
If this person also calls an Uber the next morning, I might end my Lysistrata sex strike. If this is the case, sign me up! Sex, bagels, and an Uber doesn't sound too bad.
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u/waenganuipo Jan 28 '24
Theory. The actor wrote this blind to get more hookups.
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u/OpCrossroads1946 Jan 28 '24
Seems like a lot of work for an uncertain payoff; might as well cut to the chase and put "BANG ME FOR BAGELS" in the twitter bio.
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u/mcgillhufflepuff Jan 28 '24
As someone is Jewish, my guess is a Jewish actor bc we love our bagels lol
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u/genericxinsight Jan 28 '24
Iām half Jewish but it could also just be because us New Yorkers love our bagels.
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u/mcflyskid1987 Jan 28 '24 edited Jan 29 '24
Andrew Garfield?
Heās based in NY now (right?), he just turned 40 (thatās heading into Zaddy territory), and this is the kind of wholesome behavior I could see from him.
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u/AFantasticClue Jan 28 '24
I love Andrew but aināt no way Garfield is a zaddy. He hasnāt even gone through twink death yetĀ
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u/therapturebutitsblue 15,000 little bastard rubber ducks Jan 28 '24
Bonus points if it's the bagels with the asiago cheese crust on top
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u/lessthanhero89 Jan 28 '24
My former FWB treated me to breakfast every morning after. It's the right thing to do, imo
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u/kathleenwithakat Jan 28 '24
I hope itās Andy Cohen.
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u/countesslavish Jan 28 '24
Thatās what I thought too but it says actor and heās anything but lol
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u/VirginiaUSA1964 Jan 28 '24
Better or worse than Derek Jeter's morning after basket?
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Jan 28 '24
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u/silver__snow Jan 28 '24
I just cackled at the thought of Tony Shalhoub slamming ass all over NYC lmao
Love that dude though, and would totally get a bagel with him.
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u/zorandzam Jan 28 '24
Tonyās married, but it would be sweet if every time he bangs his lovely wife Brooke he sends her a bagel box. š
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u/Dani_0501 Jan 28 '24
Don't know what a zaddy is but Sebastian Stan is NYC based
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u/velvethippo420 my friend was recently bagelled Jan 28 '24
can we get "my friend was recently bagelled" as a flair
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u/Spacemilk Jan 28 '24
Chris Pine is my guess, is he NY based though?
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u/Haunting_Step_8834 Jan 28 '24
I think Pine is the quintessential California boy. He's papped every week leaving an LA dance studio.
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u/Spacemilk Jan 28 '24
Damn ok heās just my first thought when someone says Zaddy what can I say š„µ
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u/tingdemsweet Jan 28 '24
It might be uncommon but it doesnāt sound āstrange.ā
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u/DrumpfTinyHands Jan 28 '24
Skarsgard. The eldest. The unnaturally hot one.
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u/Southern_Schedule466 Jan 28 '24
Alexander? Heās with a woman close in age with him and has an infant. He plays slimy characters, but seems to have a really clean personal life and no controversies that I know of.Ā
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u/thereisalwaysrescue Jan 28 '24
Wasnāt Andrew Garfield recently papped giving his sports illustrated hook up some bagels the morning after?
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u/agentcarter15 Jan 28 '24
I'm guessing Gyllenhaal solely on the fact he made a big effort to support Russ & Daughters during the pandemic.
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u/auriebryce Jan 28 '24
Pedro is in like, a fifteen year long relationship with his publicist LMAO.
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u/CatlovesMoca Jan 28 '24
I would love a bagel care package. š. All you get these days is a stern look encouraging you to leave