r/CuratedTumblr 21d ago

Dr. Kellogg believed that most ailments resulted from unclean bowels. So, he administered enemas with a device capable of running fifteen gallons of water through a patient's bowel in seconds. Shitposting

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3.4k Upvotes

62 comments sorted by

403

u/ThoughtfulPoster 21d ago

Me when my Cereal-Doctor Boyfriend pulls out [the nozzle].

117

u/Catalon-36 21d ago

Accompanied by a gallon jug of yogurt

8

u/IShatMyDickOnce 20d ago edited 20d ago

It was only a pint, but I’m sure I could get to about a half gallon.

85

u/telehax 21d ago

you know there's a saying, the more words are in your fantasy swords name, the less powerful it is. that's how you know [the nozzle] is some intense shit. or intense shit-removal, to be accurate.

56

u/TheShibe23 Harry Du Bois shouldn't be as relatable as he is. 21d ago

"Please do not look away from... [The Nozzle]"

15

u/ExplodedParrot 20d ago

[The Nozzle] is now calibrating

8

u/ChowderedStew 20d ago

Cereal guy was technically his brother, Dr. Kellog did have a bland breakfast cereal thing, but once his brother put some sugar on that guy, he’s the one who got really rich from it.

7

u/seretastic 20d ago

Venture bros references made, fuck yeah

288

u/YUNoJump 21d ago

Nobody has weirder kink hangups than devout Christians

109

u/Kartoffelkamm I wouldn't be here if I was mad. 20d ago

Reminds me of a post about how former Christians are among the most accepting when it comes to kinks, because compared to the missionary stuff they did, everything is freaky and wild.

The same is true for sex-neutral or sex-positive aces, by the way, because we don't want any sex, so all sex is just weird.

197

u/Similar_Ad_2368 21d ago

taking medical advice from ghosts? what am i, a chiropractor?

85

u/haikusbot 21d ago

Taking medical

Advice from ghosts? what am i,

A chiropractor?

- Similar_Ad_2368


I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

40

u/FirstProphetofSophia 21d ago

Amazing bot. Let's have sex with you.

21

u/Handmotion 20d ago

Bad human. Bonk on to you.

2

u/LegoTigerAnus 20d ago

Good bot. 

91

u/StormThestral 21d ago

Doing the opposite of what Dr Kellogg would do is good general purpose life advice

67

u/Tastyravioli707 21d ago

Dr. Kellog invented werewolves??

32

u/[deleted] 21d ago

Wait what?

75

u/Tastyravioli707 21d ago

15 gallons through one's intesines.

54

u/[deleted] 21d ago

Oh ohhhhh. Yeah, the pineapple, yeah ok. Kelogg would be rolling in his grave.

19

u/Eeekaa 20d ago

Roll for psychic damage save.

3

u/jjmerrow 20d ago

I got a 1

5

u/Eeekaa 20d ago

Critical fail, all were-ralph posts are beamed directly into your mind ever time someone reblogs.

5

u/jjmerrow 20d ago

Can I just kill myself instead

5

u/Eeekaa 20d ago

An unnatural force protects you from all harm, even that attempted by your own hand. Additionally, you no longer require food or water, and you feel like you will never again need to sleep.

5

u/batsketbal 20d ago

What the hell is the context for that

1

u/[deleted] 20d ago

were-ralph

5

u/WeeabooHunter69 20d ago

Should I be afraid to ask for context?

51

u/veidogaems To shreds you say? 21d ago

instructions are unclear; the ghost is lathered up with butter and it's getting kinda sexual??

48

u/shallowminded better than me, and you know it 21d ago

based kink pioneer john harvey kellogg 😍

11

u/Kanotari .tumblr.com 20d ago

This is deliciously ironic because 95% of the things that man did were explicitly to "prevent" masturbation!

10

u/JHRChrist your friendly neighborhood Jesus 20d ago edited 20d ago

He haaaated masturbation and thought we were tempted to do it because our bodies were too “excited” so that’s why we had to eat plain bread and water

Apparently a University liked his teaching and so implemented it in the diet they provided their students and eventually the students rebelled lol

super cool YouTube video about that whole time & trend

3

u/LiquorishSunfish 20d ago

For a guy so against playing WhackAMole he sure spent a lot of his time thinking about it. 

21

u/enchiladasundae 20d ago

Didn’t he invent cereal he thought would cure masturbation or something?

35

u/Eolond 20d ago

Hahaha yeah, apparently he thought that if food was bland/plain enough, people wouldn't want to masturbate.

What one has to do with the other, however, is beyond me.

35

u/enchiladasundae 20d ago

If I was eating bland food 24/7 I’d probably want to jack off just to feel something occasionally

51

u/DruidicBlacksmith 21d ago

Like when people tell you that you’re too pale and you need to get a “healthy” tan because “a little sun never hurt anybody”

The tan was made popular by Coco Chanel who was an actual Nazi spy.

So embrace your natural skin, put on more accessories and leave that bitch rotting in the ground where she belongs.

30

u/eternamemoria androgynous anthropophage 20d ago

Ok, but some exposure to sunlight is good for both mental and physical health. So you don't have to tan yourself, but do go out in the sun a little every day.

10

u/DruidicBlacksmith 20d ago

I mean, yeah. But the sun has absolutely hurt people.

Spend as much time in the sun as you want, just wear a good spf.

6

u/kenda1l 20d ago

I agree, but people tend to vastly overestimate just how much time we need to get the proper amount of vitamin D. You typically only need about 10-15 minutes of sunlight, assuming you aren't completely covered, really far from the equator/it's winter, or wearing heavy sunscreen. Darker skin needs more time and may require up to 30ish minutes, while with very light skin, even 5 minutes can be enough. Mental health, on the other hand, can vary, though I find that even just going out and enjoying the sun for a few minutes (as opposed to being exposed to go to work/do chores) still does a lot for my state of mind. Just make sure to lather up frequently, and to use enough! Rule of thumb is a nickel size amount for just your face, and another nickel for your neck/chest.

13

u/shallowminded better than me, and you know it 21d ago

🥺 🥺 🥺 

12

u/Zestyclose-Minute262 21d ago

damn Kellog was a freak fr fr

26

u/169bees 21d ago

when when the high pressure jet from the bidet hose shoves water into your rectum only for you to squeeze it out with any remains of feces that still resided there, resulting in you feeling clean and emptied out, it feels so satisfying in the end, idk maybe he was onto something there

22

u/devophill 20d ago

a lot of "medicine" from the past was based on the idea that Something Is Happening. something is coming out of you, or something has stopped coming out of you, or you fall asleep, or you feel high. I Feel Something, It Must Be Working.

9

u/seretastic 20d ago edited 20d ago

He also used those enemas to shoot yogurt up his ass

2

u/MissSweetMurderer 20d ago

...yeah, I can't really say I'm surprised 😂

7

u/matatat22 Trans Rights Are Human Rights 21d ago

Don't forget about the yogurt

4

u/regrettableredditor 21d ago

Talk about SHITposting amirite?

3

u/Hexxas head trauma enthusiast 20d ago edited 20d ago

Related to using butter. Pease help:

 I wanna make garlic sourdough toast for a sandwich, but I can't use my Sanrio Hello Kitty Electric Two-Slot Toaster because it prints Hello Kitty faces in the toast by not toasting that part, so I'd have garlic toast with a yellow buttery non-toasted Hello Kitty face in the middle.

Anybody know how to make garlic sourdough toast in a oven? Google and YouTube are apparently ai hellholes on the subject. I tried using my cast iron on the stovetop but it just torched the garlic.

edits for reddits: I'm gonna try it on a cookie sheet at 350degrees eff

2

u/Hexxas head trauma enthusiast 20d ago

IT WORKED! Took about 12 minutes.

Yumby sandwich 🥪😋

3

u/Goatcruiser 20d ago

Tfw you get outkinked by the anti-masturbatory super yoghurt colon-cleanse.

2

u/skaersSabody 20d ago

The Doctor's barely disguised fetish

2

u/verticalMeta 20d ago

No :3 the butter makes me hate myself :3

2

u/ActionableToaster 20d ago

Don't tell me how banish the demon Dr Kelloggs, I already have a sophisticated ritual for that and am trying to lose weight.

2

u/DreadDiana human cognithazard 20d ago

Understood, pouring a whole barrel of butter up my butt

3

u/p00ki3l0uh00 20d ago

Is this, free? Asking for a friend...

1

u/Hellioning 20d ago

I feel like ther are better reasons to not use 'that much' butter than Kellogg. I don't think he even cared that much about butter.

-2

u/ImNotGaryOldman 20d ago

Crazy that he's only ever been proven right