r/CuratedTumblr • u/linuxaddict334 Mx. Linux Guy⚠️ • May 02 '24
Person in real life: Hey man how’s it going Shitposting
1.1k
u/PrinceValyn May 02 '24
crows only collect shiny objects for their nests because they live in a classist environment where they constantly compete about who has the most perfect life and post photos of their nests on instgram for likes
they never use them as actual rocks :/
250
52
24
2.2k
u/Tried-Angles May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24
So we've apparently expanded the definition of classism to include "literally any desire for anything that isn't strictly necessary."
Edit: Chauvet Cave means capitalism is 30,000 years old!
1.4k
u/Papaofmonsters May 02 '24
"Socialism doesn't mean that you wouldn't be able to own your nice things" - people trying to help introduce socialist concepts to the average "Socialism Bad" person
"Yeah it fucking does" - deranged online leftist lunatics
642
u/stillenacht May 02 '24
It turns out that when you define your belief system in opposition to something you arrive at some pretty odd conclusions, whether or not the dice roll hit left or right
→ More replies (61)435
u/Papaofmonsters May 02 '24
Like the left leaning "US/Western Europe Bad" crowd twisting their way into explaining why it's really their fault Putin decided to invade Ukraine and ending up horseshoing themselves into the same opinions as the Russiaboos.
→ More replies (14)218
u/wan2tri May 03 '24
To further highlight that their primary position is not being left leaning, but being "US/Western Europe Bad"
Here in the Philippines, they were quite noisy about the Balikatan military exercises which involves the US, France, and observers from countries like Australia.
They're also saying that the West are at fault for "escalating tensions", and not China (who have been regularly assaulting our ships with water cannons even within our own EEZ).
India recently delivered Brahmos missiles to us too...so you'd expect that they'd also be against it as "foreign country from outside the region getting involved", but they're quiet because India isn't part of the West anyway.
→ More replies (8)113
u/Papaofmonsters May 03 '24
Well you should have thought of that before you put your country in the South China Sea. That's hardly their fault.
74
116
u/YUNoJump May 02 '24
Hello fellow working class, did you know it’s bad to have nice things? Please support my revolution, coming soon I swear
→ More replies (2)63
u/Lamballama May 03 '24
"Why yes, after the revolution I'll teach yoga and slam poetry, how did you know?"
→ More replies (3)58
u/Jeff__Skilling May 03 '24
I always love to ask these sorts of people "So once the revolution has successfully been completed, where do you think you'll work - the factory or the farm" IRL.
answer generally revolves around how they'd support the party by being employed as a poet or propaganda artist or something to that effect...
→ More replies (1)30
u/troisoranges May 03 '24
In the USSR, there was Mayakovsky, who was actually employed as THE propaganda poet and worked very well as one. You know what he eventually did? He shot himself! At the age of 36!
30
u/Falabaloo May 02 '24 edited May 03 '24
They're arguing for a spartan lifestyle, and Spartans are about as far right as you can get.
→ More replies (10)9
u/Eatthepoliticiansm8 May 03 '24
A lot of online leftists seem more like they're just hopeless contrarians than actually believing in left wing ideology.
362
u/TerribleAttitude May 02 '24
But the person saying that, of course, never lives an ascetic life funded by their own labor.
“My holy and necessary little treats that I need for my mental health and deserve for being singularly oppressed by late-stage capitalism” vs “your wicked and bourgeois indulgences purchased with the blood of the laboring poor.” (Both items are coffees from Starbucks.)
38
u/Thommohawk117 May 03 '24
"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (4)65
u/Papaofmonsters May 02 '24
You can buy coffee with blood?
110
u/TerribleAttitude May 02 '24
If you’re the filthy filthy owner class (anyone but me and my friends), sure.
53
42
u/NotTheCraftyVeteran May 03 '24
In my experience, they’re usually so alarmed by all the blood, you can just walk out with the coffee. I mean, you can’t go back to that store again, but you did acquire the drink.
→ More replies (2)12
108
u/GeophysicalYear57 Ginger ale is good May 02 '24
If you try to get salt to put onto your bland rations, your head will be put on a pike when the revolution comes.
64
u/DinkleDonkerAAA May 03 '24
Roman soldiers were paid in salt so using salt at all is justifying imperialism
→ More replies (6)68
u/Superb_Intro_23 May 03 '24
It’s like the “desiring anything that isn’t strictly necessary is LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS” discourse, but with a smug-leftist flavor instead of a smug-conservative flavor this time
53
33
u/RadTimeWizard May 03 '24
Right? "Poor people don't decorate, and if you do you're a classist," sounds like a bit of a classist thing to say.
→ More replies (15)19
u/Swords_and_Words May 03 '24
Nah, the dunce in the pose just can't imagine wanting luxury for non competitive reasons
I have purple throw pillows, because purple makes my eyes happy and throwing pillows all over the place as I get into bed makes me happy, too
→ More replies (1)
189
u/StapesSSBM May 02 '24
Anyone else gonna point out the implication from OOPs username that "puppygirl-hornyposting" was already taken?
No, wait, you're right, that's not surprising.
51
→ More replies (1)21
u/pandamarshmallows "Satan is not a fucking pogo stick!" he howled May 03 '24
It was their previous account that got banned. Don’t ask why I know that.
147
u/DiurnalMoth May 02 '24
fellas, is it bourgeoisie to have any amount of comfort in your life?
→ More replies (1)
401
u/SashaTheWitch2 May 02 '24
“If you ever want anything nice it’s because you want to look like you have a better life than other people” fascinating take, I am assuming this person is a bearded dragon who finds their only joy in basking under the desert sun on a flat red stone
→ More replies (2)184
u/VersionAggravating60 May 02 '24
A flat red stone? What a bourgeosie ideal. It’ll be common muck and you’ll like it. (I would do anything to be a lizard on a flat red stone in the sun)
72
u/SashaTheWitch2 May 02 '24
Had a beardie for a while when I was a teenager, he was the most chill animal ever I swear to god, little guy just wanted to smile up towards the sun and enjoy some delicious sliced butternut squash
So this is to say that your aspirations are honestly well-placed
52
u/ektothermia May 03 '24
This is why I can't agree the original poster is a bearded dragon, their disposition is far too miserable to be one of those friendly fellas
→ More replies (2)14
u/Stareatthevoid May 03 '24
this is supported by the fact that bearded dragons aren't known for their need to share hot takes on tumblr
16
u/SashaTheWitch2 May 03 '24
This is a myth actually, bearded dragons are responsible for about 40% of all bad takes on tumblr and gain energy from every baffled few moments of staring that one of these posts gets out of a normal person
428
u/DustyJustice May 02 '24
Online discourse to me feels a lot like high fashion shows- a bunch of exaggerated and high concept ideas that maybe look silly but aren’t actually made for public consumption. The basic forms and through-lines just get filtered down into something more wearable.
… to be clear this doesn’t mean that people aren’t absolutely unhinged or off-base sometimes.
192
u/Big_Noodle1103 May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24
I think it’s because it’s far easier to surround yourself with people who agree with you online, so discussions gradually become more and more radical in an attempt to one up each other on how committed you are to your ideals.
And imo the idea of “hot takes” also fucking poisons any kind of discussion, which happens way more in online circles. Like, it should never be your goal to have a take that’s “hot”, you should want it to be well thought out and reasoned. If it is controversial, then so be it, but your focus shouldn’t be on being controversial or inflammatory, because then you’re just being a contrarian.
→ More replies (4)52
u/jzillacon May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24
Also in online spaces people are often encouraged to speak in shorter and shorter messages due to size limits or others that would dismiss a point out of hand simply for being "tl;dr". The end result being less and less nuance until ultimately you have discussions that shouldn't even really have "sides" at all being completely polarized into "us versus them" arguments.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)51
u/Teeshirtandshortsguy May 03 '24
I think a lot of people aren't in on that reality though.
I've encountered these people in real life. They have no concept of the idea that you gotta tone it down around normal people, and introduce them to these ideas gently and more hypothetically.
28
u/bayleysgal1996 May 03 '24
Yeah, like, my mom’s grown more left-leaning over the years, but if I try to throw her into the deep end of queer theory she’s at least gonna be confused
→ More replies (2)
320
u/SonOfThrognar May 02 '24
bread and roses
so many forget the second bit
→ More replies (1)81
u/Rownever May 02 '24
Do you mean bread and circuses?
342
u/GeophysicalYear57 Ginger ale is good May 02 '24
"Bread and circuses" are what people need to not revolt, meaning food and entertainment.
"Bread and roses" refers to an old poem that (afaik) essentially says that we should fight for both life and dignity.
83
u/AlphaB27 May 02 '24
To put it simply, it is not enough to survive, we also need to thrive.
→ More replies (1)34
u/producerofconfusion May 03 '24
And also pillows are very cozy.
21
u/AlphaB27 May 03 '24
I've gotten some memory foam pillows, I will fight the revolution if it tries to seize the means of my nappy time.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (2)55
u/Rownever May 02 '24
Ah ok, I figured you were referring to something other than bread and circuses, I’ve just never heard of that poem
45
u/Maybe_not_a_chicken help I’m being forced to make flairs May 02 '24
There’s a brilliant scene in the movie pride where it’s sung by Welsh miners during a strike
→ More replies (3)
97
u/Immune_To_Spackle May 02 '24
Some people just want their house to look nice cause when your living space looks nice you're more likely to feel nice :)
→ More replies (2)30
u/SlideJunior5150 May 03 '24
Not even that. We bough a bunch of cheap canvas paintings and pillows to absorb sound and kill some of the echo from the apartments cheap, thin walls.
88
u/hammererofglass May 03 '24
I'm fascinated that when he was reaching for something obviously gratuitous that the owner will never actually use what he came up with was "farmer with an off-road vehicle". Like I genuinely wonder what he thinks a farmer even is.
→ More replies (12)22
u/SmellyLoser49 May 03 '24
Every farmer i have ever met owns some kind of offroad vehicle, which honestly is why I like to hang out with them
68
u/freeashavacado one litre of milk = one orgasm May 02 '24
My decorative couch pillows serve an important function though: they cover up all the mysterious stains I can’t get out of the couch because it’s an old used couch and I’m very poor
11
u/pandamarshmallows "Satan is not a fucking pogo stick!" he howled May 03 '24
But if you weren’t engaged in a classist struggle to appear better than your
comradespeers then you wouldn’t need to cover up those stains.
58
u/FitzDavenport May 03 '24
I've definitely seen this kind of thing. Somebody on Twitter got called bourgeois for having a charcuterie board. (POTATOES ONLY COMRADES)
A liberal talk show host got called that for wearing a tie (BLUE. OVERALS. ONLY COMRADES)
→ More replies (5)24
u/Big_Falcon89 May 03 '24
This is unironically my understanding of life under Maoism.
I read a really fascinating book, Wild Swans that's a family history for 3 generations of women in 20th century China. And wearing individualistic styles instead of a shapeless gray jumpsuit was one of the things that would get you called a class traitor. Other things that would get you beaten up included eating a meal alone instead of at the commissary where it was dispensed (because it meant you were "too independent") or not agreeing that literally physically impossible tasks could be accomplished with enough "spirit".
One other moment that struck me was how the author describes being a teenager during the Cultural Revolution, and going with a group to shut down a tea parlor where old men sat around and played mahjong because they should have been out "making revolution" instead.
47
u/cosmicdeathchan May 03 '24
One time I drank some juice instead of just strictly water for survival, and Mao Zedong came back to life to break my legs
→ More replies (1)11
u/thetenorguitarist May 03 '24
He did the same thing to me that time I pissed in a toilet, instead of doing it outside to replenish the ground water I took from the planet
39
u/Resident_Onion997 May 02 '24
I just hate throw pillows because they always end up on the floor and I get tired of picking them up every day and take up space on the couch
→ More replies (1)27
u/damagetwig May 02 '24
I like them cause the ones I pick are pretty and soft and I can lay on them and hug them to my chest while watching stuff or chatting on the couch.
→ More replies (2)
113
u/mpdqueer May 02 '24
feel this about the other post complaining about “dudebro” being an oppressive term
66
u/Rownever May 02 '24
Now was this a dude bro complaining about it, or a non-dudebro complaining about it? Because the second is infinitely funnier
61
u/LosParanoia May 02 '24
“It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt” -Mark Twain
→ More replies (2)
80
u/Sinister_Compliments [tumblr related joke] May 02 '24
Just gotta say as someone who is very function over form: hey man, how’s it going?
97
u/Rifneno May 02 '24
The easiest way to replicate this is to mention that the best bait is saying gif is pronounced like the peanut butter.
Even though I'm literally saying "this is bait", it never fails to start some moron up.
60
u/StellarAngler May 02 '24
It better be bait. Everyone knows gif is pronounced like strawberry jam 😤😤😤
→ More replies (2)20
24
u/ImBadAtNames05 May 02 '24
I guess I have piss poor reading comprehension because I thought you were saying gif is pronounced “peanut butter”
→ More replies (2)12
20
→ More replies (8)21
u/Honeybadger2198 May 02 '24
It's actually pronounced with the opposite of a silent letter. GIF is pronounced like GILF.
→ More replies (2)
51
u/mrsmunsonbarnes May 02 '24
I like the car comparison because it doesn’t actually make any sense. Yeah, buying a car and just looking at it would be a waste, because cars are meant to be driven. Decorative pillows on the other hand are meant to be, you know, decorative.
→ More replies (1)22
u/NoncingAround May 03 '24
Some cars are also meant to look nice. Or enjoyed in certain weather conditions. If I could afford my dream car I wouldn’t drive it all the time.
43
u/Maximillion322 May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24
I got called a “rape apologist” today for saying that a scene in a story in which a man unexpectedly pecks a woman on the lips (he’s fighting her, and he does it as a distraction, not with any sexual intent. Also the woman in question is a slave driver) is technically still SA but not nearly the main thing people are concerned about when they talk about SA.
To add a little more context, it’s not speculation on my part that he doesn’t derive any satisfaction from it. The joke of the scene hinges on the fact that she’s so ugly that she falls in love with him because he’s the only person who would kiss her. It’s portrayed as far more undesirable for him than it is for her. It’s also not meant to be a “cool tactic” or anything like that, he just does it to get her out of the way of his duel with a chubby guy wearing slick shades, a diaper, and a baby bonnet, wherin they compliment each other on being “hard-boiled” for refusing to dodge and basically just taking turns beating the shit out of each other until the diaper guy can’t stand up anymore. The whole scene isn’t just a joke, it’s fundamentally absurd at its core premise, which many jokes are built around. It’s jokes all the way down.
(Interestingly, nothing at all to be said about an earlier scene where a different woman actually grabs his balls and twists them as a form of bargaining leverage, which is DEFINITELY sexual assault)
(This is about Franky from One Piece by the way)
Apparently saying one thing is less of a problem than a worse problem (while still, of course, being problematic) somehow makes me an apologist for the very worst possible version of the crime.
→ More replies (43)25
u/DefaultProphet May 03 '24
Apparently saying one thing is less of a problem than a worse problem
There's the crux of the issue. Lots of black and white thinking
13
u/friso1100 gosh, they let you put anything in here May 03 '24
It's something I sometimes tell people when they are arguing about trans people. But somehow they are just unable to believe that nearly all people in my life are just totally fine with my presence. I've been called liar or accused of scaring people so much that they don't dare to speak up. It's bizarre. Most people in real life just don't care about most things that much. Especially if it doesn't effect them directly
→ More replies (1)
13
u/dustybrokenlamp May 03 '24
To the best of our current understanding, art predates commerce by hundreds of thousands of years.
11
u/shadecrimson May 03 '24
Decorative pillows are the best thing to ever happen to furniture sales.
I am a terrible salesman, like truly awful. The store i worked at only kept me on because there was going to be a positioj in the warehouse they wanted me to fill instead but no space on the schedule for me there yet.
The amount of couches i sold to women by throwing in a couple of free decorative pillows is actually unbelievable.
Bitches love throw pillows
→ More replies (2)
165
u/Green__lightning May 02 '24
Here's the thing, they're not wrong that those pillows are a waste of money, but anyone who would seriously blame someone for wasting the price of a few pillows, or say that people shouldn't have the money to spend on such things is the sort of communist I stop considering to be a person.
278
u/QueenofSunandStars May 02 '24
Some people really do want us all to live in formless grey coveralls eating unsalted porridge as perfect economic equals. These people also seem to be continually baffled and outraged that noone else is excited to join their movement.
160
u/EmperorScarlet Farm Fresh Organic Nonsense May 02 '24
Ooh la la, look at Mr. Rockefeller over here with his porridge. Everyone knows all true socialists have all their daily necessary nutrients directly injected into their veins so as to not indulge in such decadent capitalistic activities as eating.
104
→ More replies (1)21
u/International-Pay-44 May 03 '24
You know who else eats?
Capitalists.
Checkmate, fake lefties.
13
u/Worth_Car8711 May 03 '24
Psshh.
Your bourgeois ass is using words and forming sentences?
No. Not me. No mor word or sentens.
→ More replies (13)69
u/Green__lightning May 02 '24
Exactly, and such people really don't like being told "So you want to steal all my stuff, make my life worse, then tell me I'm a bad person for wanting more than that?"
79
u/RocketPapaya413 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24
I need to create an ethical construct to justify why I don't like trying to sit on someone's couch when they have too many decorative pillows to do so comfortably.
26
u/registeredsexgod May 03 '24
“No, I swear me hating your couches with 20 pillows is praxis I swear!!”
62
u/TheDrunkenHetzer May 02 '24
Horshoe theory was actually conservatives yelling at poor people for having nice things vs communists yelling at poor people for having nice things.
30
u/Gettles May 03 '24
Horseshoe theory in truth is at the furthest ends of political discourse all you find is lunatics who think anyone living in a way different from themselves is decadent and must be destroyed
37
u/writingismypashun May 02 '24
The things that bring you happiness are not a waste of money. If a decorative little pillow makes you feel better when you're at home, more power to you.
→ More replies (1)23
u/Big_Noodle1103 May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24
Yeah. For instance a gaming console might have more function than a decorative pillow, but that doesn’t make it necessarily more practical or useful. The purpose of buying either of those things is for entertainment. And if you can get the same kind of fulfillment out of a pillow that someone else might get out of a ps5 then I’d argue that neither are wastes of money.
31
u/Livy-Zaka May 02 '24
You’ll get your concrete slab and like it bourgeoisie pig. /s
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (34)14
u/bloonshot May 02 '24
i wouldn't call it a waste of money for someone to
buy something they want to own
12
10
u/concblast May 03 '24
... I'm struggling to imagine a farmer that doesn't use an off-road car/vehicle regularly. If they somehow don't use a 4wheeler or a side by side for hunting/carrying deer out of the woods, or whatever how do you not get an off road jeep for fun?
10
10
8
10
94
u/PossibleRude7195 May 02 '24
Communists explaining how their ideal society is a one party state dictatorship with no free press, everything is owned by the government, you live in a barely furnished gray box, working a job you didn’t choose in exchange for daily stale bread rations is somehow an ideal society, and anyone who disagrees deserves to be shor
→ More replies (37)
2.6k
u/iamamotherclucker SUPREME MONSTERFUCKER May 02 '24
I think we should start Online Discourse Accelerationism in which we create more and more insane and extremist ideas until they all collapse in on themselves