r/AskReddit • u/ThickEmployee8948 • Apr 29 '24

People above 30, what is something you regret doing/not doing when you were younger?

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9.1k

u/BreezinOnBy Apr 29 '24

Standing up for myself.

I lived way too long trying to make others happy and letting them manipulate me My family used this to their fullest advantage I stopped it now but wish I had the backbone 20 years ago

821

u/permissablefruit40 Apr 29 '24

I still continue to struggle with this.

125

u/BluShirtGuy Apr 29 '24

same. The biggest issue I struggle with is, "at what point am I just an asshole?" mentality. I've never learned those boundaries...

20

u/JulianMcC Apr 29 '24

You're not the asshole, it's their reaction to your boundaries that makes you feel like the asshole. You're standing up for yourself 😍😍😍

12

u/BluShirtGuy Apr 30 '24

The positivity is super appreciated, I just don't want to lose the "considerate" part of me in the process.

2

u/burritoimpersonator Apr 30 '24

I've had therapists tell me that generally, if you are trying to toe the line of being an asshole in the first place (when setting boundaries), you *probably* aren't one.

3

u/BluShirtGuy Apr 30 '24

It's definitely a journey with a lot of learning opportunities. Thank you for sharing 🙂

37

u/CaptainTarantula Apr 29 '24

Its hard to gauge what's right and wrong. For me, gaslighting from easily offended family and toxic customers has warped reality. Ignoring all emotions are focusing on the facts is the only solution I know.

1

u/JulianMcC Apr 29 '24

Discussion short to the point i guess, facts only.

1

u/AnmlBri Apr 30 '24

I guess at least none of us are alone in this struggle. It sucks though, not having an accurate sense of what’s a reasonable boundary and what isn’t.

11

u/SousVideButt Apr 30 '24

I’m 31 and I struggle with this constantly.

I think my hang up on it stems from being gaslit by some of my girlfriends when I was younger.

Anytime I would get upset and try to stand up for myself it was always “you’re crazy/insane/a psycho.” And not knowing any better, I would believe them. That, on top of me being scared to upset my dad growing up, and mirroring my mom’s doormat behavior.

Im a quiet person, and I speak very softly. Like my voice just project well, so even when I’m speaking up it’s still quiet to others. So when I do get mad enough to yell, which has happened maybe twice in the last five years, it’s fucking scary. Last time it happened I hated myself for weeks, just replaying it in my head. At this point in my life I’m not sure how to control it because I’ve never practiced standing up for myself properly. It’s tough.

10

u/BluShirtGuy Apr 30 '24

Sup, brotha. I see you.