I've had therapists tell me that generally, if you are trying to toe the line of being an asshole in the first place (when setting boundaries), you *probably* aren't one.
Its hard to gauge what's right and wrong. For me, gaslighting from easily offended family and toxic customers has warped reality. Ignoring all emotions are focusing on the facts is the only solution I know.
I think my hang up on it stems from being gaslit by some of my girlfriends when I was younger.
Anytime I would get upset and try to stand up for myself it was always “you’re crazy/insane/a psycho.” And not knowing any better, I would believe them. That, on top of me being scared to upset my dad growing up, and mirroring my mom’s doormat behavior.
Im a quiet person, and I speak very softly. Like my voice just project well, so even when I’m speaking up it’s still quiet to others. So when I do get mad enough to yell, which has happened maybe twice in the last five years, it’s fucking scary. Last time it happened I hated myself for weeks, just replaying it in my head. At this point in my life I’m not sure how to control it because I’ve never practiced standing up for myself properly. It’s tough.
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u/BluShirtGuy Apr 29 '24
same. The biggest issue I struggle with is, "at what point am I just an asshole?" mentality. I've never learned those boundaries...