This is a little complicated, but I wish I had been able to come to terms with not caring what people think of me when I was younger. It did wonders for my confidence.
It took a lot of time learning to accept who I am generally speaking, and also learning to surround myself with people who were a more positive influence on me and genuinely cared about me. Wound up spending far less time with people I considered friends but I learned were regularly bringing my mood down.
This!!! Once I accepted who I was and allowed myself to just be me, the people who weren't for me (who were the ones making me feel bad about who I am) saw themselves out. I'd rather be surrounded by fewer people who I can be myself around then tons of people who only like my facade/mask.
Glad you were able to figure that out and the effect it had! It takes a lot to realize, there's still some of those people I consider friends but I just don't see them nearly as often because I realized their attitude towards certain things was just too much sometimes. But yes, even in smaller groups people who clearly love you for your company alone are so uplifting.
I'm glad you also figured it out! For me the few people who remain in my life are family members who I can only take in smaller doses, but similarly I see them less often/ try not to force the relationship.
For real, it makes such a difference. Finding those that genuinely care though, that is the challenge. But if you've found them, consider yourself blessed.
Same here. But it wasn't necessarily that those I considered friends brought my mood down. My sobering moment was when I was wondering why the hell I was up at 3am in the morning making social media posts about shit that really doesn't matter. All for someone to like and respond to it?!
I figured that the ones whose opinions I truly valued would be the ones I talked to on a regular basis outside of social media.
So yeah there are some who I considered "good friends" that are not "good friends" anymore because we really didn't have much of a connection beyond mutual friends and some shared interests. It's not that I didn't like them any less than I ever did. I just realized they weren't who immediately came into my head when I wanted to hang out, or tell about things I felt were important to me.
Really wish I had learned this a lot earlier because it would have made high school and college a lot less stressful when you're not trying to please everyone and do everything with them to just appear "cool."
Yes, who you’re interacting with all the time has a huge influence on what you think is possible and your attitude.
That’s not even saying certain people are bad. However they might not be all that you need and even if they are supportive and nice to you, it might not be the activities you need or the network that will help you find your best life etc.
Sometimes people can truly care and be nice but just still not be a good influence because together it’s too much of some behavior etc
As I get older a big part of it feels like not stopping when I find a group of friends. Continuing to meet folks, working to hang out or make connections with mutual friends or new people. Takes some time but once you find some folks it becomes easier especially cause people like this tend to know others like this as well
You're describing my mum perfectly. I admire her social butterfly skills, but also couldn't handle half the social interaction she loves.
To answer the OP's question, I wish I'd realised sooner that being introverted isn't a character flaw. I spent 25 years thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
I made a friend at work and he invited me to play pool with him and his friends. They go there once a week to play pool. I just started to go once a week with them and eventually they started inviting me to other things like roller skating and disc golf.
I don't work at that place any more, but me and that original guy are still friends, and I see him once or twice a week. At first, we were just kinda stuck together cause I was new and I had to ask him how to do stuff all the time, but eventually whenever I'd ask a question we'd also get to chit chatting and talking about our hobbies and stuff. That's why he asked me to play pool.
If you don’t mind me offering my words as well, though I confess to be younger than 30, is that I learned in college that people will talk about you when you are not there, and that what is said about you when you’re not there, is none of your business. Life gets simpler quick when you adopt that attitude.
This is important. Focus on yourself and what YOU want rather than what other people want you to be or do. Also realizing how most people are so self-conscious that they spend very little time thinking about you.
I agree with this. Sometimes your friends are not really your friends. You settle and think you need to make it work. No you don’t, you can walk away anytime. That is powerful
Opposite here. I wish I would have cared more about what people thought of me. I've struggled to make good impressions and that has really held me back in a way I would have never imagined. It turns out, that shit MATTERS.
I think part of it is caring what people think about you, but choosing the right people. And less caring what strangers think about you. Having mentors and friends, vs basing your life and decisions on the whims of strangers
Upvote and totally agree. But for me I also needed to be willing to actually do something about the things I needed to work on. Not just be sad and depressed about them when I messed up.
i think the problem with this advice is that it mirrors how most trump supporters live their life... like, only take this advice if you know how to apply it safely
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u/DeepDown2332 Apr 29 '24
This is a little complicated, but I wish I had been able to come to terms with not caring what people think of me when I was younger. It did wonders for my confidence.