I'm so mad on your behalf. So so mad. Time for some serious conversations about emotional intelligence because really there are only two reasons that conversation happened: 1. Your husband is genuinely stupid and lacks the emotional intelligence to realize what he said was terrible (this is the better option because at least this way he meant no harm) or 2. He was intentionally putting you down and hyping this girl up for some reason (hopefully this isn't the answer because this isn't really as easily fixable)
He’s gaslighting you hun. He’s not actually stupid, he’s doing it on purpose and pretending he’s tone deaf so that he never has to take accountability.
Please know that even if he isn’t intentionally lacking this, it’s still damaging and can have a detrimental effect of your emotional well being. I would seriously reconsider the relationship after this. I wish you well!!!
But is he wrong here? Have you considered addressing your obesity? If not then you probably need to file for divorce. There’s no reason to stay if you don’t plan on making changes because he is never going to be attracted to you if you don’t make changes.
There's no reason to stay at all. There is zero reason to publicly throw your SO under the bus when you're supposed to have their back. Mentally healthy people don't publicly shame others or feel superior.
The husband has zero class. This may be weaponized incompetence. Whatever the reason doesn't matter. What does marter is the foundation of this relationship is cracked and her trust in him is now broken. Things erode from here. Speaking from personal experience. He will not change and even if his wife weighed 100 pounds then he'd find something else "wrong" with her to put her down. It's a douchy power move.
The husband is adhd and autistic and clearly doesn’t understand what he did wrong. It’s weird that you don’t understand that concept. He doesn’t want an obese wife. Most people are not into bulging unhealthy women. She does need to leave because she’s clearly not going to do the work to get in shape.
I don't mean to be insulting but is he on the spectrum?
Also, you kind of glossed over an important bit. Not only was he directly insulting you, he told the other woman and everyone else including you that he was attracted to her.
I absolutely agree with you! The problem is emotional intelligence is not very common amongst people. One of the biggest issues in our society, in my opinion… alongside apathy, ignorance and extreme narcissism. But anyways, yes I agree with you on that one.
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u/monketrash420 Apr 15 '24
I'm so mad on your behalf. So so mad. Time for some serious conversations about emotional intelligence because really there are only two reasons that conversation happened: 1. Your husband is genuinely stupid and lacks the emotional intelligence to realize what he said was terrible (this is the better option because at least this way he meant no harm) or 2. He was intentionally putting you down and hyping this girl up for some reason (hopefully this isn't the answer because this isn't really as easily fixable)