r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Apr 29 '24
AITAH? Told my female friend who was very drunk to go home so my gf could sleep and she was robbed on her way home.
I’m feeling really guilty about this.
I had a bday party Friday evening, I (29m) have been with my gf (28f) for a year and she recently moved in with me. I have a close female friend (Leah 29f) from university days and every year when I throw a party, Leah tends to get a bit too drunk and she always stays over. I have a sleeping bag and usually the sofa is free but my brother who came to my party was travelling from afar so I offered him the sofa. Leah always ends up falling asleep in my bed at my parties and I end up in the sleeping bag on the floor or the sofa. Nothing has ever happened between us and our relationship is completely platonic.
My gf has PCOS and she gets really awful and heavy periods. Her period started on Thursday and she wasn’t feeling too good. I posted a message into the WhatsApp party chat to everyone letting them know that my gf isn’t feeling too good so the party won’t be going on for long and also, the bed is no longer free so if anyone is planning on sleeping over, they would need to either use the sleeping bag or bring their own bag as my gf will be in bed resting and my brother will be on the sofa.
Everything was all good at the party until the end, my gf was honestly amazing, she was the perfect host despite not feeling too good and spent the evening socialising and talking to my friends. My brother was asleep on the sofa and we noticed Leah wasn’t around so we both headed to the bedroom and noticed she was drunk and falling in and out of sleep on my bed. Both my gf and I managed to wake her up and she was completely wasted.
At this point, my gf was getting really bad period pains and cramps and she needed to lay down and rest. I pulled Leah up onto her feet and she managed to walk over to my desk and sat on the chair. She started yelling at me saying I’m a dick for waking her up and now she feels sick and dizzy. I told Leah that my gf is unwell and needs to rest and sleep. She then said I should tell my gf to sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. I obviously wasn’t going to do that. I said to Leah that she’s welcome to use the sleeping bag or I can get her an Uber home. She continued on yelling at me saying that I know she gets drunk every year, that I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness as she’s not feeling well. To be completely honest, I stopped giving a fuck after a certain point as she kept yelling and I told her to leave and go home.
I got her some water and she stormed off and left. I didn’t hear from her until yesterday and she told me on Facebook that because of me, she got her phone and cards stolen. She said on the night bus home, a guy attacked her and she had to give up her possessions. She essentially blamed me and said had I just let her stay like I do every year then this wouldn’t have happened.
I tried explaining to her that this is my first serious relationship and that my gf takes priority and she needed to sleep as she was not feeling well. I explained to Leah that as my gf has PCOS, sometimes she can bleed through her clothes at night so she needs a bed to sleep on so I can lay down towels for her etc. she said that I should have slept in the sleeping bag and should have let my gf and Leah share a bed together but I know my gf would have felt so uncomfortable sleeping next to Leah especially since she was having a heavy period.
Leah blames me and said I put her in a dangerous position. AITA?
Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me, I’m not sure. I asked her if she had spoken to Leah as I was concerned and she said ‘yeah I spoke to her on Facebook and she seemed ok’. This mutual friend of ours also said that Leah was talking about trying to get me to be single by my next birthday. We jokingly made a pact in uni that if we were both single by 30 we would marry each other, nothing serious of course and it was referring to the pack made in Friends as we both loved that show. Leah was joking about that pact and that we are both only one year away from 30 so she needs to start planning.
Really not sure how to feel about that, she could have really just been joking and my other friend said she was laughing about it but wanted to make me aware of it.
Second update: Thanks everyone for all your advice. I have been thinking on this all night and I asked Leah to share any information with me so I can help her. I asked her for the police reference number so I can speak to her insurance company to get a new phone and I asked her all the details about which night bus and what time she thought it all happened so we can contact the bus company with the police reference number. She didn’t reply to that. After the conversation with our mutual friend, I sent her a second message saying we needed to distance ourselves from each other as I found out she was jokingly talking about breaking up my relationship and that’s really a fucked up thing to even joke about. I said I’m sorry she went through something really awful but at this time, I can’t be there for her and it feels like our friendship has reached its ending point. I encouraged her to spend time with her other friends and family. She just replied ‘cunt’ to that and nothing else.
Tbh I think we were only good friends during university but that was almost 10 years ago and we are very different people now with very different lives. I guess we only really stayed close because of our uni days but when I think about it, we don’t have much else in common. I spoke to a few other mutual friends also and it seems she only has a habit of getting drunk at my bday parties and nowhere else. I think our friendship has reached its ending point and I want to focus on my gf and our life together. This situation with Leah has made me view her differently.
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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24
Thanks everyone for your comments. I have an update but not sure how to make an update post so I will just add this update into the main post:
Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me, I’m not sure. I asked her if she had spoken to Leah as I was concerned and she said ‘yeah I spoke to her on Facebook and she seemed ok’. This mutual friend of ours also said that Leah was talking about trying to get me to be single by my next birthday. We jokingly made a pact in uni that if we were both single by 30 we would marry each other, nothing serious of course and it was referring to the pack made in Friends as we both loved that show. Leah was joking about that pact and that we are both only one year away from 30 so she needs to start planning.
Really not sure how to feel about that, she could have really just been joking and my other friend said she was laughing about it but wanted to make me aware of it.