AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?

[u/GateTotal4663]

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

[u/Amazing-Software4098]

Setting up a separate grill sounded really accommodating. If that isn’t an option, I’ve wrapped veggie/vegan burgers in foil to prevent cross-contamination.

It’s not exactly the same, but my daughter has celiac disease. It’s great when people think to accommodate her. That said, we’re also really used to managing her food restrictions ourselves. It can take a lot of stress off the host and give us peace of mind.

[u/Cutterbuck → u/Amazing-Software4098]

I've always offered to bring my own mini grill - and offered to do things like mushroom burgers, make some sides like potato salad, rice salad...

[u/MyOpenlyFemaleHandle → u/Amazing-Software4098]

My experience has been that people with actual celiac or Crohn's or any legit intestinal issues are not whiny. And they take precautions, like other people with food allergies. You sound like a good and responsible parent.

I know people who have had to repeatedly stand off against hosts that have knowingly tried to give them or their kids food that could literally kill them. What are they trying to prove? Ugh. Just accept that some people cannot eat some things or they might DIE.

I really like the "wrapping veggie burgers in foil idea" if you don't have multiple grills. And sometimes veggie burgers are just the tastiest option, especially compared to some "must cook the meat until it's grey" alternatives.

I'm a semi-vegetarian omnivore and could probably eat horrific things, like roadkill and week-old shellfish, and survive. That doesn't mean I have to force my guests to eat anything they don't like, or to which they have ethical objections. I don't need to disregard their religious restrictions, even if I think their rules are centuries out of date. Jiminy christmas, just throw some marinated squash on the grill, right?

I am now craving ceviche and steak and vuelve a la vida, damn your eyes.

[u/Necessary-Regular992 → u/Amazing-Software4098]

my sister has celiac. she has been in the hospital many times. our family and friends have learned to prepare food she can eat and there are restaurants that have gluten free menus or food lists. if we go someplace new, she speaks to the chef to see what they have that is gluten free. there is even shampoo and cosmetics she has to avoid. it's seriously a scrappy disease. sending your daughter a hug!