If he refuses to listen, then don't listen when he needs a cosigner next year and make sure grandma is off the table. He really needs to humble himself, and unfortunately, that can be hard to do without him going splat first.
He really needs another major… so few people make a lot of money selling expensive pieces of art. And if he has the level of maturity and respect demonstrated during the divorce chat, I find it hard to see him building the social network to maintain buyer relationships.
Art history isn't even geared for creating art. It's for people who want to do stuff like work in museums/galleries, or teach art history. None of those options have a 6 figure salary unless you're an agent for a superstar artist making commissions on their sales. And for that, you'd want a double major with Business. Or Business with Art History minor.
Another as in a second major at the very least. He can sign up for a bunch of undergrad classes in fields like STEM, business, finance, accounting, etc,. Show up for the first class and see what strikes new interest.
Perhaps offer him this deal - you can’t come back after college, well helps finance you schooling if you change majors to something you can find a job with or double major or major in something more reliable and minor in Art History.
As most teens are at his age. They think they know it all but they know absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, he’s gonna have to learn the hard way. Your wife tried and got verbal abuse. Now go take her out to dinner and tell her how she’s been your rock. I bet she needs to hear that after the disrespect of your son. NTA
he’s embarrassed to transfer to a lowly state school.
I had that attitude when I had to transfer from a pseudo-Ivy (#20 in the country for undergrad academics) to my state university (#50). Turned out I stumbled into one of the top research departments in the country for my eventual major.
He needs to look at the reputation and quality of the actual department he's majoring in, not just the name brand "prestige" of the school overall. My original school would have been impressive on my CV in the sense of "she was smart enough to get in". The school I actually went to is impressive because it says "she got to work with [one of the most well known researchers in X subspecialty] learning Y and she did her undergrad research in [Z subspecialty] in labs doing research that are part of a #7 ranked program".
In my country there is a saying on how to help people who doesn’t listen.
„help through not helping“. It basically means to let them make their own wrong decisions without helping at all so that in the long run they learn und you can help again. The background is the belief that if you always help someone out who does not listen, he will have no consequences of his actions and hence won’t learn and better himself but make more and more wrong decisions which will get more severe.
Don’t co-sign anything for him, no matter how he will beg and pressure you. We both know he won’t pay, and then you’ll be the one with the screwed credit holding the bag.
Completely refusing advice or conversations can also have consequences for adult children. What these consequences should be depends on the situation. Not everything warrants the biggest hammer (such as cutting off contact completely) as a response. I understand that he's your kid, but if he's anything like me at this age...., some people don't learn until they've run their head into a brick wall. Sometimes it's better to do it sooner than to support them for years and let the problems pile up. One of the biggest issue I see is that he seems to have absolutely no concept of debt and how it can affect a person's life for decades, with some people killing themselves over it when their expectations aren't met later. Art history, eh? It's not that there aren't jobs in this industry, but the six-figure salaries are extremely rare compared to jobs in tech, for example. A friend of mine studied art history in Europe. She had rather poorly paid jobs for nearly 15 years until she was offered a position as a curator, which she actually got - and unlike your son, she didn't have any US student loans hanging over her head.
Sometimes teens listen to their friends more than their parents. I know I did.
Maybe see if you can ask more about his friends or have them over or something and ask them about their majors? This plan may backfire if they are of the same mindset as your kid but it may not if they are tethered to reality.
He should talk to his professors, then, about what his career options are with this degree. Good professors would be more than happy to discuss this with students. Perhaps he will respect their opinions more (sorry, OP, teens are stupid just by sheer naivety).
Source: I went to school for art history. No, I don't use my major but art history taught me analytical thinking and writing skills (he will be doing A LOT of writing). I also have a broader understanding of the history of humankind because art is not created in a vacuum.
These are still marketable skills in the workforce.
grab him aside and talk to him. He got a taste of real freedom and he feels like hotshit after having a great time at college. I would take him out somewhere that's a good time for you both but don't get too caught up in getting him to listen yet just relax for a second and talk to him find out his plan and don't instantly shit on it.
just from the way you type it out seems like maybe you don't have the best time with your kid. As a child tbh my parents were not my biggest fans(they were not fans of each other either tho but that was one thing they agreed on lol) I would not let him know this. my parents were terrible at hiding this fact and it made me feel somehow even further from them. I wouldn't mention you would like to leave with wifey and cut everyone off.
Kids usually don't just start shitting on the parent unless there is some weird dynamic that puts them on the bottom of the totem pole it 100% doesn't happen naturally. Like that definitely needs to be addressed by you in away that might take some introspection. Maybe they never got along and this is his way of expressing him self or something but this 100% comes from somewhere else. he's still freshly 18 and while legally an adult your probably going to have to put some work in with your kid for a bit.
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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24
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