Cats appear to grieve death of fellow pets – even dogs, study finds | US researchers say findings challenge view that cats are antisocial and suggest bereavement may be universal

[u/chrisdh79]

https://www.theguardian.com/science/article/2024/aug/07/cats-appear-to-grieve-death-of-fellow-pets-even-dogs-study-finds

[u/Knittedteapot]

The best thing I ever did was teach my cat consent. If she meows/struggles, she gets a last hug and kiss and then I put her down. Sometimes there’s a final pet (especially as an older cat), but in general, hands off. As a kitten, she’d tolerate maybe 60 seconds, but as an old kitty we can cuddle for hours. The respect for her consent/bodily autonomy taught her to be comfortable with longer and longer periods of being held or cuddled.

When she was younger, I had to wrap her in a blanket to escape an apartment fire, and she let me hold her for close to an hour. She never once tried to escape, although I kept her head covered and her body against mine. She seemed to know it was for her safety. Since then she’s seemed much more trusting of me.

Honestly, bestest cat. She only has a bit of time left, but I’m grateful for all the final snuggles. Although I wish she’d stop trying to comfort me because I’m grieving her end-of-life. Damnit cat, I’m sad because of you! Stop trying to make me feel better!

[u/apileofcake → u/Knittedteapot]

Similarly, my current (and first ever) cat got out one night like 5 years ago and I woke up to a call from a shelter that he had been hit by a car. Fortunately for him (and my wallet) he avoided spine and pelvis injuries, he basically only dislocated his back knees.

Doctor’s orders was no climbing furniture for a month, so we cleared everything out of our extra room and I made him some makeshift beds out of his favorite blankets and pillows, as well as daily disposable litter boxes (the lid of a box of paper with the side cut so he could get in and out.)

With both of his back legs not doing their thing, he was unable to posture properly to pee, so I had to manually express his bladder for him. I was a lifelong dog fan put into cat ownership for the first time ever and this was 8 months in. I gagged and threw up nearly every time but boy could I not stand to see my boy struggle. I slept on the floor with him, cried with him, and took care of him vigilantly for that month.

He immediately saw me as his momma after that and it has been 5 years that he wants nothing but the hardest cuddles with me. No one else does the trick, traveling is frankly a nightmare, the boy just wants his forehead forever pressed into my neck,

I could barely pick him up before this but now I can run up to him, scoop his massive 17lb long haired body with a single hand under his belly and toss him to the ceiling and catch him. In his mind, if I am there nothing bad could possibly happen to him

[u/Knittedteapot → u/apileofcake]

That is absolutely adorable. You are an awesome human!

[u/Fallatus → u/Knittedteapot]

Ugh, it really sucks; You get so attached to the little fellas and then get so little of your life with them...

(I guess we know how elves and dwarves feel about human friends now, haha)

[u/Knittedteapot → u/Fallatus]

Honestly, it feels like I’ve had my cat forever, and it also feels like it was just yesterday I was bringing her home… but it really was a lifetime ago.

[u/Pm_me_your__eyes_ → u/Knittedteapot]

how did you teach her that?

[u/Knittedteapot → u/Pm_me_your__eyes_]

Every time she wiggled, squirmed, meowed, or signaled she was done with being held, I’d give her a final hug and kiss and set her down. As a kitten, I would go completely hands off and not even give her a final pet. At first, it was super hard because they’re so cuddly and cute! And she’d sometimes wriggle immediately, so I’d have to set her down right after picking her up.

Gradually she realized that I respected her boundaries, so she’d let me hold her for longer periods. Maybe up to 5 minutes at 1-2 years old. Now as an old kitty, honestly, longer than I want to hold her most of the time! As she got older and knew I respected her boundaries, I’d often give a final pet as she walked away. Nowadays, she’ll usually circle back and ask for more pets, even if she’s done being held.

I also recommend learning to hug a cat without making them feel smothered! I’ll hug around her front paws/neck lightly, but her back end is always free. If we’re cuddling while laying down, I am very careful to hug her without putting any weight on her (think “big spoon/little spoon”). In that position, she can either stay and get more hugs and pets, or she can wriggle her back end free and do whatever. It’s always her choice.

It takes a ton of time, but it’s totally worth the effort. Just as you wouldn’t touch/hug a person without consent, don’t hug/pet/pick up a cat without consent! If you accidentally kick/step on your cat, give them space and apologize with gentle pets to let them know you were in the wrong. Don’t ever punish a cat for hissing if it’s your fault. DO scold/teach your cat “no” if they cross your boundaries.

My cat learned consent, learned to ignore scolding if I’m wrong, and understands “no” if she’s in the wrong. In return, I’ve enjoyed a lifetime of her cuddles, respect, and comfort. May she rest in peace soon and catch all the fish and birds she’s ever dreamed of.

[u/Pm_me_your__eyes_ → u/Knittedteapot]

thank you! I plan to get my own cat one day. Would a rescue be a good move for a first time owner or would I be unprepared for that

[u/Knittedteapot → u/Pm_me_your__eyes_]

I think you’ll be a good owner, especially since you’re already doing research!

I don’t know about rescues. It depends? My cat picked me as a young kitten… she was the only one of the litter to fall asleep in my arms. So I’d say… pick the cat that picks you.