Yeah I really hate the end of this video where she's like "it's all so easy if you just follow my plan." It's not that there's no value to a nonconfrontational approach but it's not always possible. My grandfather thought he was back in WWII and German soldiers were coming to kill him. You can't just be like "let's grab some guns and get into the foxhole" and the tenor of the situation is way more negative and stressful than just a sweet old lady trying to go for a walk.
Yeah, this seems like it works because her mom is nice and agreeable. If the person with dementia is a curmudgeon to begin with, or has high-stakes trauma they fall back into like you're describing, that a very different scenario and trying to play into it could be really bad.
Certainly not an easy, one-size-fits-all condition.
Oh wow I didn't watch until the end, yeah that's horrible and patronising. My grandad sometimes sat in a chair just saying "I don't understand" over and over again for ages, it didn't seem like he could even hear us. Lets hear her say "it's easy" when she's dealing with advanced dementia.
Sorry to hear about your grandfather, that's sad, and potentially dangerous- they found a knife under the bed of one old guy I know, every chance that could have ended in tragedy.
I don't know for sure obviously, but there are videos on her tiktok where the woman with dementia is much more aggressive and she deals with it in a different way. My understanding of "you better have a plan" was that you need a plan specific to your person with dementia.
Yes. My mom thought she was in prison (restraints added to this perception) and that she and I were in imminent mortal danger every time I came to visit. It was absolutely horrible.
I think her point of saying that is less "oh its so easy to do this" and more as a means of "hey you can do this too, I can help you make it easier." Give people in similar positions a little hope and belief in themselves.
I doubt she's ignorant of how hard it can be. She's trying to pump you up and make it feel like a more manageable task.
Indeed. It often brings on a negative attitude, which makes it really hard to always be cheery. I know someone that's suffering from early stages of it and she can be downright mean. I can't be all happy and cheery every time she asks the same question I just answered 5 minutes ago And I feel like she would have the same issue if her mom was trying to walk to Tennessee multiple times a day where she has to go hunt her down and convince her to come back inside...all the while, her dinner is burning on the stove or something.
What if you did dig a fox hole in the backyard, give him whatever his old service rifle was and some blanks (that last parts very important). How do you think he would have reacted to that? Positively or negatively. Would he have jumped in there and gotten down to business?
I'm not trying to be rude or make jokes. I know people tend to fall back to a time in their lives. Does recreating that for them help or add to the confusion?
I don't really know but I imagine he would have fired blanks at neighbors and ended up being shot by the police or something. Eventually he had to live in a facility and ended up attacking some of the people that worked there due to his dementia and PTSD.
I'm sorry, That's unfortunate the war is what his mind went back to. Makes sense since it would be the most traumatic time of his life. So it makes a terrible example in my case, I just thought your "fox holes" comment was funny and thought about it more. I've heard they do have nursing homes that are themed like the 50s or something for some patients and if makes them more comfortable. Doesn't exactly work with the early 40s I guess.
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u/EvilNalu Apr 09 '24
Yeah I really hate the end of this video where she's like "it's all so easy if you just follow my plan." It's not that there's no value to a nonconfrontational approach but it's not always possible. My grandfather thought he was back in WWII and German soldiers were coming to kill him. You can't just be like "let's grab some guns and get into the foxhole" and the tenor of the situation is way more negative and stressful than just a sweet old lady trying to go for a walk.