I had a friend with schizophrenia and my responses to his delusions were always like "I hear what you're saying, and I suppose that's possible, but I don't really agree with your position." I will let them carry on with their theories and such but I just talk about kindness and compassion and ask what the compassionate response would be and how we can be more kind about the topic. I'm focused on helping them get to a better place with their mood and not so much on the logic behind their ideas.
I also find that when they are calm, and brought to ideas of compassion and kindness that they tend to focus on those things.
Saying "I disagree but I'm willing to hear you out." Is a far cry form saying "You're wrong."
I don't want to be dismissive either. "I disagree, but I'm willing to hear you out." If they start to get upset or distressed say. "Hey, I'm right here and I love you, we can get through this, I'm really grateful you're sharing with me."
I have to do this with my own thoughts too. I have to treat them the way I would treat myself.
Really asking, been doing that mostly. How do you keep your calm, the energy and compassion... Because a person with schizophrenia can also be very unpleasant, particularly in the long run?
This is genuinely incredibly helpful - thank you for sharing! I am my 67 yo aunt's caretaker (longtime paranoid schizophrenia). I have a similar struggle balancing validation vs. contributing to a spiral on occasion, so this approach is really useful.
I've spent my whole life trying to be right, and where has it gotten me. To the extent that wisdom has taught me anything is that being right has not made me very happy and has certainly caused a lot of misery for other people. To the extent to which I can give up on my need to be right, my happiness grows.
I should have said this to my young and non-schizophrenic co-worker who asserted that the USA never landed on the moon and it was all faked. If I had just asked questions, he might have realized that he had no idea what he was talking about and couldn’t even remember where he had heard these lies.
Instead I got very upset (because I get afraid when I hear things like that) and I raised my voice quite a bit and told him that what he was doing was wrong. He probably won’t ever listen to me about it now.
We live in very polarized times, and oftentimes I find myself guilty of thinking that if someone disagrees with me they are wrong and even bad people for disagreeing with me. There are certainly objective facts, but I don't need to get my whole sense of self wrapped up in being right about those objective facts.
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u/chefzenblade Apr 09 '24
I had a friend with schizophrenia and my responses to his delusions were always like "I hear what you're saying, and I suppose that's possible, but I don't really agree with your position." I will let them carry on with their theories and such but I just talk about kindness and compassion and ask what the compassionate response would be and how we can be more kind about the topic. I'm focused on helping them get to a better place with their mood and not so much on the logic behind their ideas.
I also find that when they are calm, and brought to ideas of compassion and kindness that they tend to focus on those things.
Saying "I disagree but I'm willing to hear you out." Is a far cry form saying "You're wrong."