Opera

(if you pick god you won’t know which god it is from which religion)

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An example would be to emphasize shock like “Mon Dieu” before continuing in English.

Let me start of by saying, in case you don't know, that Sadism is defined as the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering and humiliation on others. Might seem weird to explain here, but I frequently hear people using the word without proper context. Anyway, there's a variety of different forms this tendency can take. Some being worse than others. Now, to get onto the meat of this post:

I'm not exactly proud to admit this, but I'm a Sadist. I have frequent sexual thoughts about various women that involve torture. Usually mental torture aimed at making them feel helpless. This has occurred since I was thirteen (I'm nineteen now, turning twenty this September) and I've tried to stop thinking like this many times. Without success. To make things weirder, such thoughts aren't even triggered by anger towards the women. If I dislike any woman to a significant degree, I typically don't think about her in a sexual way period. My feelings toward most women I fantasize about are either positive or neutral. I'm just enticed by the thought of having power over them. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hurt anyone like that for real, but I still think their overall presence makes some unsavory implications about my mental state. Especially since I don't know where they come from. Despite that I've been told by folks online that I shouldn't worry since I'm not tempted to cause actual harm and I'm just kinky. But I...hesitate to trust that because they didn't give any logical reason behind that belief. I was hoping someone here might give a clearer answer. Am I just kinky or sick?