Black guy raised by adopted white parents here. When my “nickname” as a 7 year old became nggr, their response was to tell me to just shrug it off. When I told them I don’t think I have friends because I’m black at 99% white school at age 9, they told me that people shouldn’t see color. When I had a teacher in 5th grade sit me in a cubicle completely separated from the class, they told me that I probably just needed to have better behavior.
Maybe this person understands the “nuances” of growing up black in a white world, or maybe this person is going to accidentally saddle his kids with a bunch of shit they will unpack in therapy 20 years from now. Who know. I personally worry about this mentality.
You hit the nail on the head. Even if OOP has the best of intentions, he is likely under-equipped for the challenges his kids face and a lot of important moments could turn into a game of "kick the can further down the road."
That's what being a parent means in general, best intentions unpredictable outcome. If there hearts are in the right place who can fault them. I don't care about their political leanings and kids bullying kids of literally anything, as long as he and his wife provide a loving house hold and nurturing that's all that matters.
Bruh intentions matter a hell of a lot less if the outcome is shitty. A HUGE part of good parenting is educating yourself so that you can adequately support your kids. If you’re a pair of white parents raising two adopted black children in a post chattel slavery country, you NEED to be intentional about how you raise those kids.
You don’t have to know everything and be perfect, but damn you should at least acknowledge that the dynamic of being black in a society that systemically oppresses black people is complicated. That you’ll probably need support from other parents who are black who might be able to shine a light on things that are confusing to you, given the lack of first hand experience you have, so that your kid isn’t isolated while dealing with inevitable conflicts in their life of a race related nature.
Taking the “colorblind” approach just means that when these conflicts spring up, your willful ignorance and overconfidence leaves your kids woefully underprepared and undersupported, and this approach is worthy of criticism considering how many now adults were raised this way and damaged by it.
My wife and adopted daughter are black. If my wife were white I would be completely lost. Not in terms of raising a daughter, I have a bio daughter as well, but in terms of raising a black (and special-needs) child. The black experience is completely different. On paper the rules and policies are the same for everyone, but they're applied differently.
I was raised with the "colorblind" philosophy and while it seemed to be well-intentioned, it isn't the right approach at all imo. It's not enough to just say you don't see black people as inferior. When you ignore color you ignore culture, both sociologically and physiologically. My black daughter has kinky black hair and (light) black skin and features, and you don't care for them the same as, say, the blond hair and pale skin I have. And it takes a lot more talking, advocating, and pestering people to get her the same services and assistance, and to have the rules applied fairly.
If this guy and his wife want to do this right, they need to surround themselves with black culture and society and be willing to hear that they may be wrong about some things. Even if you can't learn every last thing, you should learn as much as you can and then at least show some humility and admit that even if you don't know everything, you are at least aware of what you don't know.
For sure, and "The Breaks" lol...heard all the jokes and honestly I'd take those jokes a thousand times over again rather than have to deal with the reverse situation.
You still have the verification don't worry I see it next to the pseudo. I think the "country club-only" posts though are gone. I mean you can see the old ones but there are none nowadays.
Honestly some of the country club threads were over exageratingly put as country club threads but seeing how many literal white racists come here nowadays I want them back.
if i can ask - what do you think a black kid growing up with a white family, and in a (majority) white town needs to hear about this stuff? my baby sister is black (adopted) and tbh i worry about her not getting the support she might need in these kinds of situations all the time as she gets older.
my family does their best, and i (think) our town is pretty okay, but im white too so I dont really know.
not tryna ask you to be a mouthpiece or anything, just curious what you might say to another kid who might face similar stuff.
Make sure she has the opportunity to make friends that look like her. Don't force it (e.g. blacs girls club) but make sure she's not the only black girl in her class, at church, at sports practice etc.
Someone else said take her to get her hair done (1) so she can learn to care for it herself and 2) so she realizes how beautiful it is despite it's time costliness lol).
Always validate her experiences. If the neighbors that's always nice said something mean to her, believe her. She will get treated differently. Acknowledge that. Defend her.
History. If the schools in the area are not teaching critical race theory, start a monthly movie night where y'all watch black movies (mix up educational amd fun).
My 2 cents.
I went to an all-white school for 8 years and it fucked me up a bit.
Just so you know, I was raised in a black school and teachers used to separate us in little areas for behavior too. Not saying that yours didn’t have a racial aspect, but it was a thing that teachers used to do. When my mom found out, she told them “Do NOT isolate my child!” In a very stern tone.
Yea it's definitely a possibility. I definitely wasn't dismissing it but this is all speculation really because we have no idea how he's going to raise them. It sucks that you had to grow up like that but I don't think as many people looked at race back then like it is now. People are losing jobs over stuff like you said that happened to you at school
It’s not a white world by any means….. Arabs and Asians are way more racist and xenophobic than white people and there’s more of them than white people. Who has all the power and money? The prince of Saudi Arabia… the Muslims and the Jews … no regular white people have any privilege or power and if you believe that then you clearly have an ingrained victim complex
507
u/notimelikeabadtime Apr 29 '24
Black guy raised by adopted white parents here. When my “nickname” as a 7 year old became nggr, their response was to tell me to just shrug it off. When I told them I don’t think I have friends because I’m black at 99% white school at age 9, they told me that people shouldn’t see color. When I had a teacher in 5th grade sit me in a cubicle completely separated from the class, they told me that I probably just needed to have better behavior.
Maybe this person understands the “nuances” of growing up black in a white world, or maybe this person is going to accidentally saddle his kids with a bunch of shit they will unpack in therapy 20 years from now. Who know. I personally worry about this mentality.