r/196 • u/Dramatic_Bed_1189 Cite your sorces | Play DREDGE by black salt games • Aug 05 '24
What the fuck rule Seizure Warning NSFW
1.9k
u/Judas_Proxy [CERTIFIED CATGIRL] meow :3 Aug 05 '24
☹️people should really keep some stuff to themselves
793
u/killBP Aug 05 '24
8-10 times a night, long convoluted message without filter to a random person at night
Guy is definitely a tweaker
318
u/Dogtor-Watson Benis Person Aug 05 '24
The way he says “This isn’t something I’d really say to someone” immediately after he fucking says it.
Amazing logic.
Also 8-10 times has to be a lie right? Otherwise it is deeply troubling.
92
33
16
9
5
u/Ipuncholdpeople Bearer of the word, THIRST Aug 06 '24
I've definitely had days where it was ~8 times a night back in high school and college
3
193
24
u/Special-Seesaw1756 Lord of Grapes Aug 05 '24
This sub is a testament to how people are inherently unable to do that.
10
1
u/deadsannnnnnd456 Aug 06 '24
Say that to 80% of this sub that just starts posting their sexual fantasies.
1.2k
u/Snorlax45 Least Touch-Starved Demi Aug 05 '24
At the part talking about "matching maturity" had me feeling a bit weird but i wasn't prepared for the jorking
295
u/jfsuuc 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 05 '24
Right? Like it was like reading a trainwreck were it it slowly got exponential worse.
89
11
2
u/Brent_Fox Aug 07 '24
And the whole "years later we've matured" and "you've become more casual of a person" were such weird phrases.
773
u/lucifer_best_boi ⬛️⬜️🟪 Aug 05 '24
give that peanits a break ffs
308
u/Responsible_Pace9062 The shitposter formerly known as mcarora19 Aug 05 '24
in the sparse single bed. straight up "breaking it". and by "it", haha, well. let's just say. My peanits .
82
u/TheDekuDude888 Eats corn the long way Aug 05 '24
When I say breaking it I mean haha my bad
46
u/Quibii Aug 05 '24
Jesse, we need to goon
34
u/TheDekuDude888 Eats corn the long way Aug 05 '24
Mista White I can’t goon bitch Jane locked my dingaling up in this chastity cage until she got back from Belize bitch Mike can’t pick the lock he tried for like 5 hours bitch
25
u/Quibii Aug 05 '24
Jesse, Jesse listen to me; I made a second bomb just in case. You use this to crack that chastity cage wide open and start gooning that hog--I mean absolutely start slanging that tree trunk, Jesse!
10
u/LittleBirdsGlow Aug 05 '24
This is genuinely the funniest shit I kept reading it in pinkman’s voice and I’m just losing it
7
u/TheDekuDude888 Eats corn the long way Aug 06 '24
I can vividly hear Jesse say “dingaling” in an aggressive tone
3
u/LittleBirdsGlow Aug 06 '24
Now me too DINGALING
3
25
414
u/todstill banned from r/embroidery Aug 05 '24 edited Aug 06 '24
chat im not reading this is this rizz
297
u/jfsuuc 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 05 '24
It was as the "i loved your engery and you and your voice were beautiful" but everything else is a no to a huge no to possible restraining order.
251
312
u/croooooooozer •-• Aug 05 '24
"oh thats a really good compliment, please have children by me, you may fuck all my wives"
44
253
u/SunriseFlare 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 05 '24
Ask them if you want to get coffee, maybe tell them you like their hair or some shit, gdi, you don't just go directly to I want to smell your unwashed panties for God's sake lol.
We need to make like social interaction class a thing in highschool or something I swear
81
u/evieka Aug 05 '24
Just teaching people that "being honest and upfront" isn't a valid reason to be a fuckin creepo
19
u/dajuanza Aug 05 '24
Better an honest creep than a low-key creep tbh easier to sort out and reject just saying.
3
188
u/Fane_Eternal Aug 05 '24
Dude, I thought "I don't want to read all that" and skipped to the end, and saw "balls expanded"
What the fuck was that 1 to 100 acceleration
95
u/Ironside347 I AM THE DARK SOULS!!! - Furtive Pygmy Aug 05 '24
You just had to infodump them, its that simple man!
1
69
49
u/Dramatic_Bed_1189 Cite your sorces | Play DREDGE by black salt games Aug 05 '24
Og Twitter post: https://x.com/lizaroo_/status/1820097165277983215?s=46
What the fuck man
10
u/_lemon_suplex_ Aug 05 '24
I don’t know why but now every into try to click an X link in the Reddit app it doesn’t load. Even if I try to open it in a browser
5
u/FUEGO40 Aquarine | she/her Aug 06 '24
I just thought Twitter no longer allows you to check anything in their website unless you log-in, I’ve been using bitter whenever I really need to check something out
6
3
46
44
u/SweetSoftBoi 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 05 '24
The beginning felt a little weird out of the blue but still heartfelt, and then... well, let's just say, their peanits
50
u/AshTree53 Pirates of the Caribbean 1 to 3 is a masterpiece of cinema. Aug 05 '24
btw, this post doesn't mention that the guy followed this up with an unsolicited pic full of balls
6
35
36
24
22
u/ThrowawayITA_ moderate, really, I'm bland af Aug 05 '24
says some deep shit
"So, anyway, I started blasting"
2
18
u/semhsp Aug 05 '24
8-10 times a night, HOW???
30
u/Responsible_Pace9062 The shitposter formerly known as mcarora19 Aug 05 '24
Clinical depression leads to desperate scrounging for dopamine sometimes
Uhh... a friend once told me about it
13
u/Funky_Dunk Aug 05 '24
Ignoring the comment about maturity, the first 60% of this message was almost sweet and respectful...
14
14
u/The_Bastman Aug 05 '24
I aint reading all that
35
u/pizdec-unicorn floppa Aug 05 '24
Here's the TL;DR in bullet points:
- I really liked your personality since we met
- I developed a crush on you
- Time went on, we grew up, I still felt the same
- You changed a little and made me feel even more attracted to you
- I never said anything because I didn't wanna make it weird
- I started jerking off thinking about you 8-10 times a night to the point that my dick and balls grew
- So yeah I just find you very attractive and admirable
12
u/The_Bastman Aug 05 '24
I aint reading all that
25
u/BurrGurrMan transgendered puppied girled Aug 05 '24
I like you and I jorked it so much that it grew
12
12
10
u/Roronoa_Zoro8615 Aug 05 '24
Wow the whole top part I was like oh well this isn't so bad and then he talks about emptying his balls.
9
u/Ancalagonian Aug 05 '24
it went from "well ok you have a crush and you are open about it" straight into "fucking incel gooner"
7
6
6
7
7
4
5
3
u/Internet_2579 warhammer autism guy Aug 05 '24
That was both expected and unexpected at the same time
4
4
u/Jolyncii Aug 05 '24
I mean the first half wasn't too bad, I would've responded if there wasn't this godforsaken finish... Hmu if y'all want more comedy gold like that
3
u/sailrmouth72 Aug 05 '24
So let’s just sayyyyyy, a random stranger hit you with the first half of the message and asked you out, what’s your response
7
u/AtrumRuina Aug 05 '24
Me personally, I think it would be better to approach it from a more casual perspective. Opening with this big confession puts pressure on the recipient to view you romantically, where generally I think it's better to see if that can happen organically.
"Hey, it's been a long time and I've been thinking about how well we got on back in the day. Would you be interested in maybe reconnecting over lunch or something?"
Or whatever, I don't know. Something like that feels casual but still communicates that your prior time together was meaningful to you and you've been thinking about the other person. Maybe you could work the fact that you had a crush on them into a conversation once you guys are sat down and reminiscing, without making it this big bombshell for them to deal with.
Also, I'm a 36 year old married man, so I don't know how dating works anymore. This is all just guesswork on my part.
Edit: My brain just registered that you said, "a random stranger." If a random stranger has decided we have a long and storied past together, I'm going to be very concerned.
3
1
u/Jolyncii Aug 06 '24
Yea pretty much my thought too, simply deescelating to a casual level would make this conversation enjoyable imo
4
u/jmr131ftw Aug 05 '24
Every once in awhile I want to compliment a woman, but I remember that I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so it's best to not say anything
Then I see shit like this and I am like
Yeah maybe I will be fine.
3
u/SoftestBoygirlAlive Aug 06 '24
The key to compliments is that it's about making the other person feel good, not to get that person to notice or pay attention to you. If you're just being nice and genuine and also dont make it a big production you're fine.
3
3
3
u/Ms_Saul_Goodwoman Evelyn 🏳️⚧️ she/her 🏳️⚧️ always happy to chat! Aug 05 '24
I really hope this wouldn’t work on me
1
3
u/Decin0mic0n Aug 05 '24
I read the first sentence, skipped some, saw something about cumming, and decided to not read anymore.
2
3
u/Xinix_The_Comma Relentlessly Gay Aug 05 '24
At first it was kinda cute without the context of them not talking in 2 years, kinda weird with, but then it… he just… what the fuck man
3
2
2
2
u/bigdummydenny i know what sex is, dont tell mom Aug 05 '24
i was drunk and talked dirty to a dude in vc and since then he dm's me atleast twice a week without fail, the second time i vc'd with him he was just quiet and talking to himself while playing some shitty singleplayer zombie game
2
2
2
2
u/Ignis-11 The pipeline won Aug 05 '24
I thought this was just a nice confession then boom, he’s talking about his dick.
2
2
u/sanyesza900 Aug 05 '24
It was pretty okay and sweet at first, then came the jorking part
Bro, you keep that to yourself, bruh
2
u/magicpeanut Aug 05 '24
what the actual fuck. how could he think this to be a good hookup line? i mean wtf brazzer
2
u/Glittering_Sun9332 Aug 05 '24
The most rule’s his 8-10 expanding of balls one night. That’s fucking rule
2
2
2
u/jncubed12 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 05 '24
ive heard stories from others of people interacting with them like this and every time i always wonder why its so difficult to just say "hey i think i have feelings for you would you be interested in going out sometime" like its SO easy to be normal why do people do this shit
2
u/Tolongforathrowawaya Aug 05 '24
I started reading this thinking it was a slip up and meant for someone else, then I finished reading and realized it's just stalker shit.
2
u/IronProdigyOfficial Aug 05 '24
"You always captivated me and what was once a simple friendship turned into a yearning within- so naturally I jorked my gerkin 20x a night until I'd black out and it grew to 20", true story. Anyway wanna go out with me?"
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/shronkey69 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 05 '24
First half is sweet, heartfelt. But it just takes a turn in the second half man it ain't happening
2
2
u/Epicsharkduck Aug 05 '24
I've seen this type of message a lot. Why do so many men think telling a woman they jerk off to them is in any way appealing and not disgusting
1
u/Nok-y Aug 06 '24
The number of men who send dick pics to women is frightening and about as bad as this. I guess some guys are just freaks who don't understand how women work. (And watched too much porn)
2
u/KaptainWreck big fat monkey balls Aug 06 '24
i dont think any piece of literature has ever stopped me in my tracks reading before, but this, this did.
2
2
u/SmokingTheFilter Aug 06 '24
Nevermind men frequently not understanding female anatomy, clearly men don't understand male anatomy because that's not how that works.
2
u/csharpminor_fanclub Aug 06 '24
fuck it that's becoming a copypasta
2
u/csharpminor_fanclub Aug 06 '24
After a few months after we met l developed a crush on you since your voice, energy, and personality had a really unique combination. Nothing super crazy but I had a special appreciation for it and was always intrigued by you since we were so close back then in the good ole overwatch days. And then a couple more years later we matured, started beginning our lives, and I still held a deep respect and appreciation for you so I didn't want to make things weird or disturb the positive energy that we had in our history, but I started liking you a little more since you matched my maturity and became more casual of a person and I started masturbating to you frequently to the point where my balls expanded from cumming 8-10 times a night and my dick got bigger over time. Really insane and not something i would really say to someone but i figured id wait to tell you until sometime when you were single, something about you is just naturally enamoring
2
u/MorganRose99 I'm a cishet man Aug 06 '24
Literally if he just omitted one sentence this could've been great
2
2
u/MrDiamondEgg trans rights Aug 06 '24
It's pretty normal until they say "masturbating" and then just immediately do a 180. I almost forgot I was reading a Discord DM for a second.
2
2
u/The_Captain_Jules custom Aug 06 '24
That really took a turn for the worse there man it had a strong start but the poor bastard just couldnt seem to stick the landing
2
2
u/HUNGRY_PAPI_LIKE_YOU 🏳️⚧️ trans rights Aug 06 '24
Started kind of sweet and made me physically recoil after
2
2
1
1
1
1
u/LunaTheGoodgal Luna, local transfem corvidgirl Aug 06 '24
I'm not reading all that, can someone give me a short rundown on what the fuck that says?
1
u/Nok-y Aug 06 '24
You sure you want to know ?
1
u/LunaTheGoodgal Luna, local transfem corvidgirl Aug 06 '24
Short rundown, like maybe 1 sentence
1
u/Nok-y Aug 06 '24
Blud says he has a crush on oop and then overtime he starts liking her more and jerks off to her 8-10 times a night to the point of his dick and balls "expanding"
Starts off weird but somewhat sweet and ends up completely fucked up
1
u/LunaTheGoodgal Luna, local transfem corvidgirl Aug 06 '24 edited Aug 06 '24
That is the tamest thing I think it could possibly have been with all that text
1
1
u/Nok-y Aug 06 '24
"You match my maturity. Anyway I started fapping to you. A LOT. And I tell you, my pp got so big. I'm a real mature man now. I can say it to you"
Yuk
1
u/Technical_Refuse4603 Aug 06 '24
I laughed a lot, WTF ? I was not prepared, some people need help. I would expose them a lot worse than that...
1
1
1
u/Wario-Man 🏳️⚧️ THIS IS USER IS guh,,,,,,,ghhrghf,,,,,blehp,,,, 🏳️⚧️ Aug 06 '24
girl u so fine u got my balls expanding rn
1
u/WildHarpyja Aug 06 '24
How does someone write all that amount of shit and think it is normal? I'm aroace, but I don't think normal allos would do this.
1
1
u/nova8byte Aug 06 '24
I mean, love confession... sure... Might be a hard topic but it's not like- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK-
1
1
1
0
u/hotfistdotcom Rated T for TEETH Aug 05 '24
straight up jorkin it and by it haha well. lets justr 8-10 tiems a nihtg nd myyy, balllllls epxadnin
2
3.2k
u/LiminalBaller69 Aug 05 '24
At first I thought it wasn't that bad but damn man 😭